Many of you may know me from my youtube channel or otherwise but I am Casondra Starseed and if what you read today affects you or triggers memories I encourage you to read my full story and learn how to protect & free yourself. There are somewhere between 300,000 and 600,000 targeted individuals worldwide and if you experience these things you may be one. It’s nasty and they can ruin your relationship, keep true love apart, and just mess with you in ways you can’t imagine.
Basic Symptoms You May be Targeted by the Government or Other Beings:
-You suspect EMF interference OR suffer from EMF related sicknesses.
-Cases of lost time or time repeating.
-Sleep disturbances, insomnia, night terrors, or fear of the dark which never goes away, sleepwalking. Also, cases of no matter how much sleep a person gets they are never rested upon waking. This is a good indicator your consciousness is being hijacked.
-You have been diagnosed with (but not limited to) schizophrenia, multiple personality disorder, or autism (I am not but my brother is).
-You have very strange dreams you may remember all or some of. (Rituals, embodying other beings, black ops projects, rape, weird sexual experiences you probably never wanted to dream had any merit in your actual life, and finally: seemingly post apocalyptic dreams/scenarios because they feed on your fear.)
-You are highly spiritual, have extra sensory abilities, have made contact with your cosmic self (pleiadian, etc). You may have had “extra” gifts since birth or the targeting may have kicked in when you became aware of your gifts.
-Strange unexplained marks, bruises, punctures, etc have been found on your body, usually when you wake up you notice them.
-You may feel or have always felt someone, or something was ALWAYS watching you. For me since I can remember.
-You live your life in fear. There is protection and growth, when you are constantly in protection mode you cannot grow. They will try VERY hard to keep you constantly in fear and you will see how they control the masses with fear once you deprogram.
-In TI’s who are drawn to the esoteric, whatever work you do here in third density is usually training for what they use you for in 4-5D. Remember as much as you can and you will see how what I call “subtle suggestions” influenced your whole life and the esoteric work you did or were “guided” to.
-Strange experiences and coincidences. The movie, The Adjustment Bureau actually about sums up what I mean about this.
-Hearing little “suggestions” or “thoughts” that you feel are truly negative and you wonder where they came from.
-Strange helicopters or aircraft constantly flying over or terrorizing you all hours of the day or night.
-A BRIGHT light flashing right before you fall asleep.
With a list like that^ it’s a wonder they don’t put warning labels at the beginning of all new age or occult books. It should say “WARNING! This book may cause you to open doors you are not prepared to deal with everything which lays on the other side of! For your own protection, before you read this it is in your best interest to learn to protect yourself from spirits and entities before you go attracting them!
However, we also know not everyone attracts them. Some people are just chosen.There are lines that cross but typically if you attracted this, you may be dealing with some low level reptilian energy vampires who want to harvest your sexual energy or fear. If you are chosen, the government may be interested in you for genetics or other reasons, which is where the line crosses. Sometimes, in cases like mine, the government gets interested BECAUSE the ET’s are. They can be interested in all the above and not all ET experiences are good. However, which I will cover later, when he government is involved you may have a false memory of an alien abduction or experience. For me it was a little grey at my bedside.
NAMES IN THIS BOOK HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT MY FRIENDS, FAMILY AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO WISH TO BE ANONYMOUS.
WHO IS CASONDRA STARSEED?
THIS IS MY JOURNEY:
My birthday is April 19th 1989, at 1:02am EST, in Waterville, ME to my very straight edge mother who was 16 at the time. I met my father for the first time when I was 13, didnt see him again til I was 16, when I tried living with his family. It didnt work out.
I have blond hair and eyes that literally change color with my mood. When I am very happy, they are blue. Normally they are a greenish and when I am sad they are grey. I grew up in Maine but lived in Massachusetts for a very short, awful while. I also went to Alaska twice for a few weeks because my mother, after she tried China, went to Alaska to be the Supervisor for the State of Alaska’s Office of Children Services. Many dreams I continue to have to this day involve me and Edward (my husband) working at a facility in Alaska. One I have never seen and we are working, but sometimes we seem to gain our consciousness and become lucid and try to escape. I wake up when we get to the airport, we’re always trying to get on the plane to escape. Now that I have been able to master lucid dreaming, I can control most every dream scenario and situation as well as create my astral reality. Basically, I can dream about whatever, or whoever I want.
I’m a complete hermit. It is incredibly important to me my kids eat GMO free food, I get them Toms fluoride free toothpaste, we have a private, unfluoridated well, I refuse to vaccinate them, as I discuss here. They are not allowed to have soda, sugar free anything or aspartame, and I stopped getting seafood after this whole Fukushima thing. I am a vegetarian but my kids are allowed to eat meat when it’s served to them. I cook primarily vegetarian. I like to grow my own food and garden, and one of my dreams is to have a completely off grid house. I homeschool my kids and ONLY buy Oakhurst milk because I really refuse to support Monsanto OR growth hormones and Oakhurst is a Maine dairy who was sued by those EVIL fucks. Take it from a girl who ate GMO food all her life and got boobs at age eight, they WANT to make puberty happen as EARLY as possible and that is why DISNEY is completely sexualized. Find your prince charming, get married, reproduce. Dont think about anything else. Eat. Sleep. Obey.
I had always been “guided” to esoteric teachings. My mom got me my first dream journal when I was in 6th grade. I still have it and find my dreams as a young lady very disturbing. I CONSTANTLY had dreams about snakes, and school being a prison. Later on, countless dreams about me and my husband escaping things and people. I will quote now:
“10-23-04 – Last night I dreamed about I had brought this snake into my room. I guess it died? It was starting to smell so I threw it on the floor. It went into pieces and started to turn into itty bitty green snakes which were lime green. As they ate they got bigger and browner. I tried to put them in a bottle but there were too many. ”
“10-24-04- Boyfriend and I were going to college together, me for psychology. There was this snake lime green, bigger then last night’s, and I “spazzed” out and started running. I crouched in the hall screaming “GET IT AWAY FROM ME.” Boyfriend put it on my spine and it slithered off and away.”
“4-9-05 – I had a really disturbing dream all night me and husband were in the middle of nowhere we kept escaping strange towns where people wanted to eat us or sacrifice Edward.”
“6/11/05 – I had a dream Edward and I were running again, we were in a forest and we kept hiding underground in tunnels that were really short. There were A LOT of people looking for us and they were dressed in red uniforms.”
Halloween night 2005 I had a dream about being raped violently. Enough said.
11/3/05 – I had a dream about dead people. I saw a man named peter committing suicide over and over always jumping off a building. I was seeing two girls who were clearly dead and creepy.
11/18/05 – This dream warrants an explanation first. I spent 8th grade getting high every morning before school with Ethan, my step dad. If I wanted to drink at night, I could, he would get whatever I wanted. We smoked lots of pot and sometimes he got himself valluim but I was mostly interested in smoking up and drinking. This went on til the beginning of my sophomore year. I was diagnosed with ptsd at 15, and severe depression after I “came out of the closet” about Ethan, sexually abusing me while my mother worked nights and other times for two years. I was threatening to kill myself and my boyfriend called the police. I ended up in a psychiatric unit for two weeks and came out worse then before, just medicated and insane and obsessed with being anorexic and seeing how long it would take to die. My mom and I wernt getting along and I started snorting pills too. Ethan had convinced her that it had only happened “less then a dozen times” (excuse me while I puke) and she was seeing him in jail. I found letters of his delusion to be back with my mother after I was 18. I did find it in the trash but I was looking at paperwork to be emancipated. At the same time my mom accepted a job in China, the country, teaching English at a university. (We have an AWESOME relationship now) I had the option to go but had just started seeing Edward, and didnt want to leave him. I moved in with my grandparents for a year before moving in with my best friend, Eric. Anyone who knows my personally during my teenage years who holds grudges against what an awful, heartless person I was for a while will hopefully now understand how I became this way. I was seeing Eric and Edward both for a few years and hurt both of them and others in the process. I met Eric in 8th grade. I remember seeing him for the first time and a girl at school had asked if I liked any boys so far, I pointed at Eric, this cute little red headed boy. She asked me why I liked him, I told her I didn’t know why. I was just magnetically drawn to him. He was my best friend from then on. He got me through my Ethan years along with my other still good friend who was my best man in my wedding, John.
I continued to have nightmares about Ethan raping me and getting back together with my mom for years. And my night times only got worse. After I was living near Eric and my dreams were awful I sort of stopped sleeping. Something I continue to this day. I spent all night with Eric til 4am every night, then he would walk me home and I’d hop in my window and sleep for three hours. Then I’d go to school. Repeat. EVEN in the winter. I am serious, he REALLY loved me. He never ever let me walk home alone. He actually used to meet me half way there on my way as well.
Interesting to say now that the landlord actually warned my mother when we moved in. He told her that every family who ever lived there ended in a divorce and reported changes and weird stuff. It was the same year my magical training escalated. In 7th grade people at school knew I was a witch. In 8th grade I had moved and people just thought I was crazy. But that year I began my book of shadows and have accounts from the house mentioned in my dream where I really remember like it was yesterday these experiences. They were what made me strive even then to learn and protect myself against what I didnt yet understand. While I was sleeping my alarm clock got thrown at my head by seemingly nothing. I woke up to terrifying scratching at my walls around me. One night “whispers” wouldnt leave me alone and I slept on the couch upstairs which Ethan made total fun of me for. On more then one night my cat protected my bed and stared at me as I “felt” something lay on the bed next to me, 100% positive there was something there. I researched and read spellbooks and learned meditations and yoga. I tried banishing the entities but usually the effects only lasted a few weeks then would escalate again. (I blame the use of salt my books said to use and my salting then banishing not the other way around. Learning curve there).
We ended up moving after I came out about Ethan. He got 18 months in jail for what he did to me. The part that pisses me off the most is I know people who got longer sentences for growing weed. Shows you right there how broken our justice system is. I always felt like if it had been my daughter, I would have done REALLY terrible things to him. He had manipulated me for about 8 months into thinking my mom knew “we” had happened a few times and didnt care. I would have seriously tortured him and made him compost. The justice system is so broken its a slap in the face to victims when one thing that helps them (marijuana) is so illegal, suppliers get longer in jail then the perpetrator of the original crime.
At last, my dream:
“Mom and Ethan were together at our old house. Mom wasnt home and I wouldnt go inside. The house was haunted and everytime I would go in it, ghosts would attack me and bad things would happen. It was getting dark and apparently at that time they could get me outside as well. I was so scared I ran inside and dont remember much more then screaming “I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!” ”
He MAY have been “suggested” to do what he did but from experience you still have free will and the decision to act is ultimately yours to act on these “suggestions”. He is still a scumbag for acting on it, suggestion, impulse or whatever. He ALSO tried to have my cousin but that’s another story and further proof he deserved longer in jail.
“1-28-06 – I had a crazy dream I had sex with lots of men and I had 8 kids all at once and they looked like their individual dads.” (I had not even had my first daughter yet in 3d. In other words I had no idea what birth was really like yet)
“7-15-06 – Me and boyfriend and some other people were running. After running for a while I was hiding under a bridge, I saw a woman across from me, she looked very tribal with paint and stuff on her. I told her I would give her $100 if she would help me escape. She did. She taught me to breath underwater. Some time passed and I wanted to go back up on land. I knew it was risky but I went anyways. Some time passed and I was being chased again. I was hiding under the bridge again and someone dropped an infant baby into the water. I saved it before it died. (This ways lightyears before I read Twilight btw) I think it was a vampire because it grew unusually fast. I was in a room without the child and I was having sex with my boyfriend and there were other people around me having sex. Someone started giving me a shoulder massage while my boyfriend was hiding some strange folders. The next thing I remember is going to the childs school when he was about three and asking how he was doing. The teacher told him to read a chart and when I asked how old he was he was he was nine, in a three year old’s body. The teacher said he was very smart. He had short blond hair.”
“11/11/09 – Last night I had a very strange dream. I was at this archeological dig somewhere and I had a daughter with me. I remember watching this man go into the dig site and it blew up. I narrowly made it out, many didnt and my daughter died. The people who made it out were trying to find out who had blown it up. Even though I knew who it was I didnt say. I dont remember having sex with him but I got the impression we had a romantic relationship. He told me that I was pregnant and that I was going to have a dragon. I just remember crying over my lost daughter. ”
“8/14/11 – I drempt that I was paralyzed standing in a room with really strange beings around me. They tasted my breasts and told me I was pregnant.” The scariest part of this dream is it turned out to be true. I was pregnant with my second daughter. I got a test after that and yeah, it was true. My second daughter is completely beautiful, with curly blond hair and blue eyes. She’s a darling. But by far the scariest experience ever………
“12/19/2012 – Last night I had a very strange dream. Myself, my kids and Edward were in a church. I figured out the truth and we were telling people to save themselves. The next thing I remember Edward and I were initiated into some sort of satanic group. I can only say it felt satanic in nature. We cast a circle in a black room and everyone was wearing black robes but I was the only woman.”
“5/18/13 – I had a dream about making the philosopher’s stone. Details are mostly gone but I was forming black liquid?”
“12/20/2013 – I had a dream that reptilian beings were trying to rape me and torture me. I put my hand out ( in the #3 position below), and commanded them by saying “only beings of the highest light are allowed in my presence.” They burst into what I can only call “light” and were gone.
From then to now (high school to present):
As I said, my magical training really rooted itself with me in 8th grade. I was on witch online forums, hey I had my own computer so all I wanted was to find other witches and have real friends, who understood what I did. I was very lonely. I met some really nice people in my state who had a coven. They made me a bunch of sacred items I still have til this day. They loved me and made me a cauldron, beautiful wand with quartz and copper pipe (like orgone), a chalice and I still have all of them. I am still thankful. I used those tools to open and close circles, cast protective circles and basically save myself. I considered myself wiccan and read every spellbook and book on magic I could get my hands on. I learned all about herbs, crystals, tarot, runes, divination, banishing and began practicing what I would later come to know as reiki. I would heal with my hands and use tactile imaging to project different colored light. I remember healing my cousin’s menstrual cramps while we were on vacation camping at 6 flags New England one time.
After I got out of the mental hospital, a few months later I began dating Edward. He saved my life. I had come from such a bad place in my life and he literally worshiped me as a goddess. One time in high school, someone asked him if he believed in God, he told them he worshiped the goddess Casondra. Yeah, he was a total Prince Charming. He was also highly into magic, just like me. We were literally two fire signs, and fire feeds fire. We had the sweetest high school romance til I got kicked out of school. I had kind of a knack for being stupidly obnoxious. We had a substitute bus driver one day on the way home from school. I lit a match because someone convinced me it was a great idea, eeeya. Dumb idea. It wasnt the first time I was suspended but it WAS the first time I was expelled. Anyways, I was living in Waterville with my grandparents who basically raised me, and my grandfather was the BEST dad I ever could have asked for. I ended up going to the local school there instead. I was VERY upset about this and not looking forward to the first day.
It was my first day of school at Waterville of my Junior year. I walked in with my schedule, turned the corner to go to class and looked up as I almost walked into someone. Looking up, I completely gasped. It was Eric. Somehow, we both ended up at that school. Living 5 minutes away from each other. Thats when I started partying all the time. The truth was, I hung out with Eric pretty much every night for about 3 years before he ever had me the way he wanted to. He’d stay up all night with me, we’d cuddle on his leather couch watching munchies on fuse or movies on demand. We’d smoke pot, hang out, and plan parties in biology. He walked me home every morning at 4am and left flowers on my grans car I used to borrow, for me. My grampy always wanted to know who was leaving my “gran” flowers… haha, it was Eric. Every morning, lilacs on the hood of the car.
During January of 2006 Edward & I got handfasted. We had one of our witch friends perform the ceremony, except I got too fucked up on that night and we were partying with a lot of people and I remember embarrassing things I am not going to mention. It ended up that I stopped going to school, partied with college kids for two weeks, ruining our relationship til my gran called and said if I didnt get back in school in three days my whole year was forfeit. I stayed with Eric for a while, going to school, and went back to my grans because I just couldnt seem to choose between partying with Eric and Edward who was against partying. About 6 months after that, after my first Alaska trip I moved in with Eric.
Edward was seeing another girl on the side and I was doing my thing, with Eric. Edward, upon finding his parents pot stash and pipe collection in the house and realizing they had lied to him about drugs his whole life, started partying with us. When I got back from Alaska and was living with Eric and going to my senior year I found out about two weeks into school I was pregnant. Eric was the first person I told. My friends helped me and went shopping for me. I moved in with my grandparents again, as Eric’s mum and I were both pregnant and I dont know if you have ever had two pregnant hormonal ladies living together but it wasnt working out. PLUS I was in huge trouble because it turned out, I really hated JP Morgan Chase unconsciously I guess. You see, Edward kinda… borrowed his mum’s Chase credit card and they waited like 4 months, til $9,000 was racked up on the card to report it stolen. I know, we were young and crazy. Somehow, get this, it all worked out. I think it’s karma really. You see, they couldnt charge me AND Edward, I just got interrogated and a little probation, Edward was taken to court, but the cop who had been assigned to our case actually had ALL his court cases thrown out because he was a dirty cop removing things from evidence lockers. I remember the day he had court, he showed up and his name wasnt on the list, they couldnt figure out why, and no one told him he didnt have court that day. It just mysteriously all went away. Except the payback that is…… Edward and even me for a few months, worked off pretty much all the money (specially if you consider we paid them rent for like 5 years @ $100/wk),Edward worked in his dads shop to work off the debt and I was a stripper for a while.
My senior year I went from the crazy girl with pink and black hair and black lipstick, picture a punk rock princess to shaving off my hair entirely 5 months pregnant and doing well in school. My blond hair started growing back. I had signed up for AP Art History and Humanities class. It was a strange coincidence, but the two classes mirrored each other. I had a very reinforcing year because the two classes overlapped in teachings. They followed the same timeline and referenced each other in art and literature. I had the opportunity to have some really and truly amazing teachers who changed my life. The main one, my Humanities teacher Mr. Dumont. He really somehow got all this through to me and had patience and I think he was one of the few teachers who thought I might have some potential. My teachers seemed amazed I was graduating and taking extra parenting classes, and I’ll never forget everything my guidance counsellor, and my teachers did for me. They were like wonderful friends that year.
I had Mr. Dumont for humanities, he was sent to plant seeds in kids minds, I swear. We actually learned about the military industrial complex, Halliburton, we watched Hearts and Minds, we learned about Watergate and the many theories of the Kennedy assassination. We read The Prince by Machiavelli, and wondered “is it better to rule with love, or fear?” In humanities we had Joseph Campbell for an avatar all year. Joseph Campbell year was the best educational part of my time at school, seriously, the seeds planted that year are still fruiting today. We read, I think ALL his works. Watched ALL his interviews, taped on those old vhs’s from the 90’s. My first ever teachings of the ego, love and triumph, through the hero’s journey came from that amazing year.
I knew I wanted to take the first year off with my new daughter, so I could breast feed her. It turned out my now, fiance Edward’s job wasnt going to be enough to pay the bills. So 6 weeks after I had my first daughter, I became a stripper. As a teenager, I had a pretty bad eating disorder. I could not eat for days and not feel a thing except tired and I wouldnt be able to stay awake. The first few days you get insomnia, then you just cant stay awake. So 6 weeks after my first daughter I was 115 pounds and was pulling even on a bad night a few hundred dollars. But, I could still do what I wanted which was take care of my child all day, at night, put her to sleep and go to work. It was easy.
I wasnt one of those like icky cheap ones though, I was high class and charged more then everyone else. Men paid for it because even though I didn’t know why I was different, they never minded paying for it, and it was unanimous there was something just completely different about me. I didn’t have fake boobs, I wasn’t overloaded in make-up and glitter, I didn’t wear coach and I wasn’t shallow. No one expects a stripper to be a deep person so it wasn’t hard for me to get men to pay for private dances. Some men go there because they enjoy looking at girls who appear like 12 year olds with no boobs, there are many reasons but some men go because they are lonely. These were the men who liked me. They were ship captains, (I was in the major port city) who told me of their journeys to lands I’ll never see (but they certainly tried to get me to come with them). There were men who said I had the perfect body of a classical woman. Some men asked me how much it would cost to take me home (I always said $1 million dollars, I mean hey, make it worth it right?). Some men just saw something different in me and felt the need to investigate it. Some men just paid me to dance til they filled their pants and then left doing their funny little walk after. The money was easy but the women who worked there hated me. I’m used to it, I have a really hard time with women and men are SO much easier to be friends with for me. Men are not catty, usually. I really dont like catty, gossipy women so the women friends I do have are VERY special to me. I only had to work there a few months total and got done.
We were renting a house on a lake with a guy who had a dog that crapped all over the house and he never cleaned it up. One of my last memories was of this guy flipping out because Edward put a tubberware bowl over the moldy dog poop on the floor to make a statement. It did. We moved shortly after. We partied a lot there, my friends, Eric included, still came out to hang out with us. I did my second trip to Alaska during this time, I took my daughter. Let’s just say, Edward had a hard time being without me for two weeks and ended up in Alaska with me after like 5 days.
We moved back into Edward’s parent’s house, his parents were getting a divorce and at that time just his dad was living there. For a while he stayed, then his mum moved back in. Edward started working at a oil change place when he had a strange visit one day. It has been six years but this is his account:
“A man drove up and I greeted him and asked him which service he wanted. he replied something like “I have something for you” he handed me a strange little wooden statue. Clearly hand carved, He said something like “it’s a devil chaser, I’ll be seeing you soon.” And then he drove out. All my co workers looked at each other and just said “That guy is crazy.” He appeared older, I think in a silver car, and what was striking were his piercing bright blue eyes. One of the only pairs of eyes that color I have ever seen. His hair was so light it looked white.”
This wasnt a great time in our relationship, by any stretch of the imagination. Edward was cheating on me, I cheated back, the dog ended up eating the totem, and we spent a few years longboarding. I got a job as a customer service representative for a flooring company. The crash of 2008 hit and I got laid off for a year.
I dont know if it was before or after the strange totem incident, but Edward’s brother got into a horrible skateboarding accident and was in a coma for two weeks. We didnt know if he would ever walk, talk or do anything ever again. He recovered in record time but well, to put it nicely, he just wasnt himself for a few years and we were living with him too. It became clear we couldnt live with him anymore and Edward had got a new job at a local hippy store who offered us a deal renting an apartment in a downtown building a few doors down from his work. It was $100 a week and heat was supposed to be included, along with everything else except the internet I paid for. Turned out though, they made us pay heat which we couldnt afford.
The niceness of the place lasted maybe a week. It was awful. Our neighbors were crackheads – literally, we were right across from a bar so after a few drunks tried to just walk into our apartment we started locking it from the inside. The bathtub was in the living room, seriously. The faucet handles were pliers stuck on the sink knobs. We didnt have a stove til the week I moved out. I was working all day and tired and didnt want to be paying pretty much all our bills (hippy shops dont pay well, specially when they force you to take breaks then charge you to take them), then coming home and cooking and doing the dishes every night and paying to do all our laundry at the laundrymat, I was doing everything and he wasnt listening to how frustrated I was.
On top of that, the place was … seriously haunted. I couldnt live there anymore. Our daughter at the time was two. She would have conversations with I dont even know what in her room at night and in the morning. It was so creepy. We shared a wall with her room so we could always here her. Sometimes she would wake up and talk to them. On special occasions we heard a cat scratching what sounded like above our apartment. Now, there were three floors above ours. Not one was occupied. They were all used for storage. The ONLY way up to the those floors was through a locked door in our apartment. There was absolutely no way any animals were up there. The shower would turn on right outside our room for no reason at all in the middle of the night. The refrigerator was seriously knocking at us. Our friends hated it. We had friends over every day and they were accustomed to the creepiness of our place, but we could communicate to it. For instance when Edward or I shouted “STOP IT GO AWAY” it would, for a while. It liked to do little weird rhythmic patterns and mix it up after a few times so you knew it wasnt your fridge just making sounds. No, we didnt have an ice maker. We had a microfridge. On one occasion everyone in my house felt as though someone was sitting in a chair next to us and they all were overtaken by fear, their eyes watered, hair stood up on all our bodies, and every single one of them left. To me, that was normal. I would be sitting at my dinner table in my open living room and suddenly know there was someone in the chair next to me. All the hair on my neck and body would stand on end. I only lived there two and a half months. Longest and freakiest two months of my life. I broke it off with Justin and the slimebag I was planning on moving in with douched me. Ladies, never fall for a married man, okay? Specially if they come tall, blond haired, blue eyed, and with a Mercedes.They are bad news. Lesson learned.
I went through a real hard time when I left Edward. I was very confused and I couldnt do anything he always did. Like make the tv work and all that guy stuff. I met up with Eric once or twice. He came to a party I had one night when I didnt have my daughter. I had him over another night but he was seeing his girlfriend at the time, and sigh…. I did not sleep with him. After he went home, a few weeks later I found out he was moving out of state with her the day after my birthday.
At one point, and here I have to omit names and sensitive information, I met, through someone at work, a man who offered me, lets just say… a LOT of money to have me for an evening. I was being evicted from my place because I didnt have enough money to pay for the court stuff and my rent, electric, internet, phone and all the other expenses that come with being a parent. I was going to be homeless if I didnt do something and since I made more money then Edward at his hippy job they wanted ME to pay HIM child support. Another complete and utter failure of our court system. I’m being fucking evicted and they want to take my money to give to HIM because he wanted to have lax, hippy job, instead of working hard like me. So I agreed. I only admit this at the risk of being called a whore because of the strange things he said to me. I will not describe his looks nor say his name because I was threatened about talking about any of this by someone who “gets rid of people.” He told me all about myself for the evening, which was strange, looking back now he had mediumistic qualities. He made me drinks, though I only remember having two, he seemed very shocked and looked deep into my eyes and said “girl, you don’t even know what you are.” We did talk all about spirituality quite a bit. I had the two drinks and he had actually cooked me a really yummy meal and I remember when he started in on me but that’s it. I have zero memory of the rest of the night. I dont remember after we started having sex, the rest of the evening, or anything. Its a total blank. I did wake up and all the money was there. Go ahead, call me a slut, but a girl will do what she has to so she can keep a roof over her child’s head.
At the same time Edward and I started a court battle. The truth was, he found some new girlfriend and I was just pissed. If she had actually been step mom material I could have dealt with it. I want to vomit to type this, she was 13 years older then our child (the same amount as between me and my step mom strangely) and he actually waited til she graduated to fuck her. Or thats what he says. I dont want to go into detail about what I found when he gave up the court case and moved in with me but it took my ptsd to a whole new level when she got a job where I worked. At least by then I was an administrative assistant, but she still had to call me when she had questions on products I managed. His relationship with her reminded me of Ethan on a level that took me years to try to be okay with. What does a barely 18 year old child want with a 22 yeah old man who already has a child? It’s two completely different emotional and mental levels. Suffice to say their relationship was short lived.
It was a very low time in the life of me. I found myself thinking about suicide one night and immediately found a therapist willing to see me the next day. She was ex military and very frank. My work was actually familiar with this conflict of interest so they didnt complain at all when I started getting out early on Wednesdays for therapy. I actually only went maybe three times. In my last visit she recommended EMDR, which is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. I started thinking seriously about the questions she asked and cancelled the rest of my appointments. She was right, I was giving a lot of power to someone for no good reason. My work was suffering anyways and they laid me off again. I was happy as hell. I started my etsy store which is now super successful thanks to my subscribers and customers all over the world. I am SO thankful for my orders I get! In other words, I used my unemployment opportunity to start again.
It was in this apartment the first time I ever noted waking up with strange scrapes and marks on my feet.
During this time we moved once again, back to Edward’s parent’s house with his mom and brother, two dogs one cat plus my cat. We started doing a lot of serious research. We saw Zeitgeist, everything going on then about h1n1 and the flu vaccines, I was beginning to look at the world a lot differently.
A few months later I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter in the way I mentioned above in my dream. My pregnancy was horrible. I hadnt yet discovered the difference between GMO food and real food and my body was pissed. I puked every day with horrible acid indigestion until I was overdue and went in to be induced.
I didnt know that being induced makes you way more likely to need an emergency c section and I am one of four of my girlfriends this exact situation happened to. After they started the drip for the medication which induces your contractions I got really sleepy. I couldnt stay conscious, I was just so tired. The next thing I knew they said my baby couldnt breath and I couldnt stay awake. They rushed me into an emergency c section and hours later I woke up. For even more hours they couldnt stop my bleeding. I think it was 4-6 hours before I actually saw my child for the first time. It was awful. I was in a white room and every 20 minutes a nurse would push on my uterus and hurt me, tell me it was still bleeding and go away.
They wanted to give me four blood transfusions. I was almost dead and had lost most of my blood. I accepted three. I had to fight them about it though. My stay was horrible, the doctors and nurses spend so much time convinced anything is wrong with any baby you cant freaking relax. I had to be in there a few extra days and I couldnt wait to get out. They tried to tell me they would basically force me to feed my child formula because she was small and not gaining her birth weight back quick enough. My milk hadnt come in because they had me stressed to the max. As soon as we were home though, it did.
This argument with doctors only escalated. They had hassled me with my first daughter as well. They said it would be “best” to “supplement” my child with some nasty gmo formula shit with rocket fuel additives (percolate). All because she wasnt growing to their standards. (I never did, I just stopped going to doctors, guess what, they’re healthy!) BOTH my kids were very happy babies and were happy eating at their own pace. They were just peanuts. Looking at me and Edward, I am 5′ tall and Edward is maybe 5’5. Clearly neither of our kids were going to be amazons. They just couldnt see past their growing curves and charts and I moved on to arguing other things.
After having my second, I truly believed it would be irresponsible of me to have more children. I felt I couldnt ever afford more. I was young, 23 so I had to fill out special paperwork and come back 6 weeks after my had my second daughter because there is actually a mandatory waiting period for young women to have their tubes tied. I did it.
As Edward eagerly waited for the six weeks post baby to arrive so he could have me again, I was SO mortified at myself I didnt even want to. My body was ravaged, with giant scars and tears and stretch marks, I couldnt picture myself ever getting naked for anyone again. This all led me to depression for a while. I didnt want to have sex, or do anything. I had no idea what to do with myself. Turns out I didnt have to know what to do because again, my guides pushed me to the truth.
With my etsy store doing okay and Edward working I was able to stay home with our kids and homeschool them. I had been “guided” to a whole ton of information. I found out all about how vaccines ARE directly related to autism, Alzheimer’s disease, and other horrible crap. My LAST visit to my children’s pediatrician proved beyond my doubts that doctors are 98% of the time just contributing to problems in society. I brought in a really BIG file of “evidence” I had found. It was case studies, articles, and documents from not just the US, but Europe and Africa as well where the UN was imposing these vaccines and eradicating children with them. Basically, the vaccines killed children, not Polio. I had an overwhelming amount of research I wanted answers for. My child’s doctor told me over and over again in a voice that made me feel like I was in a bad horror movie “we HAVE to recommend what we HAVE to recommend.” Followed by “I do not go over anything other then what is published by the AAP.” I recited my constitutional right to believe these harm my children and not get them. They had TWO nurses try to pressure me into this until I started yelling at them, kinda mad, told them I knew my rights and said what I believed. I told them that according to my research there was a clear link to autism and Alzheimer’s at the very least, and that they wernt putting ANYTHING with Thymerisol into my kids body. The doctor, a nice looking blond lady looked at me and said “So you are telling me I am hurting children?” And I looked at her in the eyes and said “YES.” I never went back. I know that the state actually does investigate children who are not brought regularly to doctors, but if someone shows up at my door I will be happy to present my giant binder of information and educate one more poor brainwashed soul. I am 100% sure thats why I have had nothing come of my homeschooling and doing everything I do. If they give it attention, negative or positive – others would follow because I AM right about it all, the GMO’s, vaccines, fluoride and control through fear.
I discovered organic food and why my body had been pissed at me my whole life! I began weeding out GMO’s in my life and fed my baby all gmo free food, most of which I made from organic veggies in the blender.
I spent about 6 months campaigning for Gary Johnson the 2012 presidential candidate for the libertarian party, and re-posting Ron Paul quotes on facebook, going to libertarian meetings and riding the liberty train… til Obama got re-elected. I was pretty upset about it. The same time that happened though, everything in my life changed again.
A kind of “new age” shop opened a few towns over, and my mother in law and I were selling our jewelry there. She had met with the medium who worked there and said she was real and wanted Edward to see her. I told him, if he was seeing her, I was seeing her, because Edward had always called me his “seer” when I read his cards and come on, my real name IS Casondra. So since I hadnt conquered my ego yet, I was kinda jealous. She was truly amazing though, and there are different kinds of seers, I have learned.
The first thing she ever said to me infuriated me. She asked me if I was
Katie. That happened to be his other girlfriend he had in high school, while I was also seeing Eric, he had been seeing her. I calmly as I could said “no, it’s KASEY.” Which is my short name people call me. She did ask me why I was there, but I couldnt say “because I wanted to make sure Edward wasnt being duped.” So I said I wasnt sure. She told me about myself like that strange man had so long ago. It was creepy. She asked me a question about me and Edward being together. She told me that Edward and I were attracted because we were both indigo. I got the impression she didnt think we were exactly, meant to be. She was able to help me understand his struggles and inner conflicts were leftover from one of his past lives. One of which was a knight’s templar. This began to make even more sense later on. She told me I REALLY didnt need her at all.
She told me I had very “mermaid princess energy” even though I never told her that my first time trying to regress myself, I went through a portal, a blue portal and on the other side my legs became a tail and I went into the ocean and was a mermaid. My video recalling it is here. She went on about how special my children were and how the best way to take care of them was to not ever worry, and definitely dont let people worry me by worrying about them for me (later I would learn worry attracts what you worry about because of vibration and law of attraction).
The last thing she said to me was on my way out, she looked at me and said “This work that you do, do it for YOU.” And I didnt know what she meant yet, but I would later.
We left the shop and went to the bookstore. Edward had just bought a copy of Aleister Crowley’s the Equinox, one lonely volume which had been separated from it’s original collection. I found a book called Ascension, by Susan Shumsky and brought it home. I read it in under 24 hours. It was life changing. It triggered a whole slew of documentaries and weeks of reading and research and study. I was guided to so many amazing strands of knowledge. A few years prior, I had read DMT the Spirit Molecule, by Dr. Rick Strassman which continued my interest in the astral realm, spirituality, “mental diseases” like schizophrenia, and life’s mysteries in general.
The most important thing that that book triggered though, Ascension, was it triggered me to go get my old book of shadows, the one I had started in 8th grade all those years ago. To this day I dont know why I went searching through our basement for it. I felt it had something for me. I found it.
The last entry was an undated entry in my own handwriting. I had no memory of writing it. I could not make complete sense of it as I never took chemistry and it was mostly strange chemical compositions. I thought it was the secret of the masons, how to transmute the soul from the rough ashlar to the perfect. That was ONE basic interpretation.
A short list of documentaries worth every person’s time, and these are all on my youtube channel totally free:
–DMT the Spirit Molecule Documentary–Garbage Warrior (All about Earthships/Off grid living)
–What In the World are They Spraying (About Chemtrails)
–Running From the Cure (Exposes one cure for cancer, phkillscancer.com exposes another) There are many and you should be disgusted at the pharmaceutical companies who make LOTS of money off killing people and children with the standard methods.
–The Sacred Knowledge of Vibration & the Power of Human Emotions. This is REALLY SO important. Learning to manage your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self is the most important teaching you can learn.
–The Esoteric Agenda, because there are groups trying to control the world.
-Food, Inc. Which I couldnt post on yt but is available on netflix, etc.
–SHADE the Motion Picture, Shade exposes the true power structure embedded in our global reality, showing the true controllers their plans to Geo-engineer our planet and control the populace.
-Zeitgeist. Also not on my yt but available on thepiratebay.
–The Secret, and the Science of the Secret Documentaries. The secret really does work but the real “secret” to it is covered in “the science of the secret documentaries. It follows what I continue to teach to this day, managing your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self.
–Spirit Science!!!!! This series alone will explode your brain and give you 1000 things to research and explore. It’ll put amazing concepts together for you. If you watch one of these, make it spirit science.
Now, during this time I saw spirit science. I was driven with my whole heart to research Dr. Wilhelm Reich and his Orgone Energy. I actually do live in Maine, where some of his research was done and his museum is still functioning up in Rangeley, Maine. I took to orgone like a bird with wings. I few years prior I had received my reiki certification and I began to play with my orgone, combining different crystals and energies. I also learned to concentrate my energy in it to clear an entire sky as Reich had done with his cloud bursters, except I did it in a much much smaller device. I had a game with the government. They would chem trail my sky every 10 minutes and my chem buster would clear them away. I have videos of this on my channel.
So after my orgone started taking off I kept reading and researching. I had spent thousands of dollars in my spiritual education. I got the entire equinox collection by Aleister Crowley ($1000), plus pretty much every book or paper he or Regardie or Lon Milo DuQuette ever wrote. I got every book by any great esoteric teacher I thought could teach me something I didnt know from Mathers to Blavatsky, to Edgar Cayce and Reich himself who wrote an incredible banned book I own called “The Function of the Orgasm.” It helped me to understand how certain people become insanely neurotic. I spent some time wrapped up in Manly P. Hall, who’s quotes still haunt my brain. I loved his lectures, especially the dweller in the flesh. Youtube is the greatest idea anyone ever thought up because absolutely everything you could ever want to know IS on there. Even audio books. Sometimes, as I have found out though, it seems certain people are “permitted” to view certain content and others are not. I have tried to share links before with people and they either appeared to the other party as broken links or it would say it was blocked, etc. At times I felt as though a person must already know the information to be able to view it.
I had started taking my chakra meditation work very seriously, and was able to access the chakra vortexes as well as my akashic records. Since I had learned meditation in 8th grade with tactile imaging (visualization), I had early on developed my very own videographic/photographic memory and creative visualization skills. This was a big help when I started “travelling.” Which is what I refer to these experiences as. I used the kabbalah tree of life as my map and from my reading, dove in. I trusted it because what I experienced matched, and I had the geomancy I had learned on my side. My life just changed when everything that happened to me began to add up numerically. Since I had taught myself tengwar in high school, which is elvish from lord of rings, in an effort to keep my mom from reading my journals (she was very intrusive), I took to hebrew easily enough and it was all inter-referencing and made sense. Plus, my moms new husband (she remarried a nice guy) was jewish so I was able to ask her LOTS of questions I had.
Edward and I got married June 11th of 2012. We were mostly afraid the shit would hit the fan before we got a chance to marry so we tied the knot. Plus we had two kids, it seemed like the only thing at the time to do. We went camping for our honeymoon up north very close to Rangeley. We were in Eustis, and we brought a bunch of chemicals to have a very nice time enjoying camping on waterfalls and cooking food over a fire. Edward and I had taken up prepping to the max, the only thing we lacked was a bunker. So we were prepared campers with everything. My wedding present to myself was a wasr-10 ak-47 which Edward completely modified for me, and 500 rounds of .762.
Edward and I found our spot in the woods, set up our new tent and it was raining on arrival so we smoked some pot and drank our wine from the wedding. It was late the first night we got there so after setting up in the rain the rest of the first night we watched venture bros on my laptop, smoked, drank, made love and passed out.
The next morning was still a little rainy, and there was pretty much no cell phone reception unless we stood on top of the SUV. The rain burnt off to sunshine by 10am. We filled our hydration packs with lemonade and strawberry wine and went for a walk. We walked for a few miles, saw some beautiful wildflower fields and wildlife in general, bear scat close to our campsite. We were always careful with food though so we didnt attract them. We walked back, though by the time we turned around the wine was kicking in and he dragged me up the hills back to our campsite. It was all dirt logging roads like most of Northern Maine.
When we got back to the campsite, Edward arranged a fire pit and I got to my witchy work for the day. I prepared the mushroom tea while he worked on the fire. I took coffee filters and thread and the little mushrooms. I am actually a mushroom snob. I no longer need any psychadelics to get into any state, but when I did do mushrooms on rare occasions like this, Edward would get us substrate mushrooms. Meaning, they didnt grow on poop.
I divided the 1/2 of shrooms so we each had 1/4. I put them in the center of the filter and made a ball with the mushrooms inside my hand. On the top of my hand was all the edges sticking up from the filter. I tied the thread around both tightly and the teabags were prepared. Edward boiled water for me in a saucer pot and once it was boiled he filled up our little 8 oz camping cups with teabags. I added a teaspoon of sugar to make it taste better. Honey works good too but I hadnt brought any. The purpose of the tea is to get the cleanest high from the psychedelics. You don’t want to spend your honeymoon puking from eating mushrooms but when you make tea instead, you get clean effects with no nausea or vomiting.
We smoked while we waited and drank. Then after I had us wait 45 minutes for the tea to steep (mushrooms are nice and mushy and water looks “oily”) about 45 minutes later we drank it. There was even tea left over if we wanted more while we were here.
We went and sat on a cliff edge by the waterfalls, talking while the mushrooms started to kick in.We started feeling amorous and I formed a light circle around us. I was laying on a rock and he wanted me. We started there and because Edward and I constantly, no matter how alone we are – even 20 miles from people, always feel like we are being observed. So we went back to the tent, which for hours, wasnt a tent anymore. It was blackness of space with stars around and supernovas. It was like making love weightless in space when suddenly there were visions I can hardly remember and words I’ll never forget.
It was like an invisible consciousness spoke to me. “You walk your path together now” one said.
“You shall walk together and guide each other” I heard.
“He leads you now, but someday it will be the other way around” a voice said.
You are powerful together, so work together” I heard.
After we climaxed together we slowly fell back to 3d. The experience was SO REAL I could have sworn in those hours the dimensions merged for us. My visions and experiences were so intense I actually didnt have anymore tea.
The rest of the honeymoon we walked and talked, smoked and made love and we really missed our kids so we went home a day early. We went shooting with my new rifle on the way home.
The next year and a half went by really fast. I was like an arrow, sling shot into the unpredictable at lightning speed faster then time itself.
I began reading and researching all the time. I had never read or seen 1984 and as I uncovered the truth about our society and the world, always more astounded that things had been “allowed” to get so bad. I became active and passionate about everything. GMO’s, fluoride, vaccines, the NWO, and finally “waking up the sheeple.” I always did wonder what set me apart from what seemed like 99% of humanity. I had a drive to learn everything, my mind would never shut up with all the pondering it did. It seemed a lot like remembering knowledge I suspected, instead of learning. I was very curious about people and why they lived or behaved the way they did and the Joseph Campbell teachings of my high school career came full circle as I was led to Freud, Carl Jung and Wilhelm Reich. And to mastering myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I believe everyone should be taught these teachings. Some people spend their whole lives unhappy or unfulfilled because these teachings must be seeked out rather then taught as a standard. And at least in my case, thousands of dollars are invested in books and classes, etc. They are telling me though, not everyone is here at the same time (now) to learn these things. Every soul develops at their own pace.
After realizing how great my orgone was, I started a channel to show off my chem busters and show how I make orgone. I started doing other how to videos, like opening chakras, and my best one yet – Get Activated with Casondra Starseed. Around the same time I was learning to connect with my pleiadian self (and in fact I dont connect yet with all of my starseed parts as I found out later I’m very hybridized – annunaki/sirian/pleiadian).
I was led back to my book of shadows with the mysterious undated entry. I saw the science of the secret series and had began hanging out on resistance2010.com, watching astral quest, where I learned a little about monoatomic gold. I was learning all about it sitting outside on a beautiful clear and hot July day when it hit me and I almost passed out. The entry made perfect sense suddenly. “Calcination, dissolution, separation” and so on. I was HOLDING literally, how to make monoatomic gold AND elixirs for using it to heal. I ran to Edward to tell him, but he was kind of disturbed. Yes, REAL PURE ormus could make me a LOT of money, but WHO or HOW had this been left for me????
I had also discovered sex magick and I loved it. I taught Edward how to connect with me and use his astral body. He was great at drawing circles and I understood which symbols to add. We have the most magickal sex most people can’t even conceive of. I wanted to teach people how to have amazing sex, a video I should probably make separately but covered a little in the get activated series.
I was also teaching lucid dreaming in my activation series. I was getting really good. But my inner desires were coming out. I started having dreams about Eric a lot more and uncontrollably, and remembering them. Then when Edward and I would go to bed fighting I would project myself to one of the realities where Eric and I had ended up together. They wernt like this one though. Every reality I ended up with Eric and not Edward I was still heavily asleep. For instance, at one point in a parallel reality with him I was fully conscious of this lifetime and looked at the sky and saw chem trails, except, having hijacked that consciousness, I knew instantly that normally in that reality I didnt know they were chem trails. I didnt know anything I knew in this reality. I woke up that morning with a heavy heart thinking that I must have separated from Eric for a damn good reason, if all those realities I was still “asheep” with him.
Edward was falling behind me with no hope of catching up. He didnt want to read my books or watch documentaries for hours. He was ready and sick of waiting for shit to hit the fan, and it often felt like we were on the brink of it. He became engrossed completely in guns, rifles and general preparedness. It was like that information was in him and reactivated when we started buying rifles. His parents later told him as a kid they ALWAYS took toy accessories that were guns or gun related away, but they told him later on, he as a young child even though there were no guns in his home OR gun toys he drew guns and made guns out of food and things and they just couldnt make sense of it.
It seemed like we had done a total 360. It used to be that I was trying to keep up with him spiritually, and I am sure thats what our medium meant. But I had found my general calling and it was pulling me in directions and Edward felt like he was losing me. He was. He became jealous of my conversations with online people who freely studied what I did. He became jealous in general and resentful toward it. After a while, I started feeling like there were just all these things I wanted to do, and he was a great bodyguard but I felt like the time I had, when I wasnt busy homeschooling, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, and all other motherly duties was being wasted, sitting next to Edward at night. PLUS keeping up with etsy. He would put on shows and I’d be reading on my tablet. He complained and ask if my tablet could have a midnight limit. I gave him a very annoyed look about it. We started trading off nights, the first night I would make him watch a documentary the second night he would help me become more proficient on my rifle. But he was just suffering through what I made him because he wanted to feel like a part of my world. I didnt mind learning how to speed break down my AK or any of the other tactical stuff we did. I remember giving up after watching all the science of the secret docs with him and at the end he looked at me and said “I still don’t get it, whats your ego?” I felt some of my teachers pain at that moment as I had spent 10 hours teaching him… nothing. He didnt get any of it. And I pretty much gave up on teaching him. He wasnt doing it to learn, he was just watching it with me. He seriously did not get any of it. But I was being impatient, and I gave up on him, a test I failed.
I began to realize, he really was much different then me. We were growing apart and to top it off we were sharing a house with his mother, brother, my cat and their two dogs and cat. There was constantly piss all over the upstairs and shit in every area of our living space. The pee may have been my cat, but the shit everywhere was her tiny dog. A Maltese named Story who delighted in waking up my kids with her horrible barking at all hours of the night for no reason and crapping all over the house. It got to the point where to use the living space upstairs (living room/dining room/kitchen) I had to first leave my kids downstairs then go hunt and clean up all the piles of shit and piss everywhere. Edward’s mother was never home to take care of her dog so she never did it. The crap would just sit there til someone needed to use the space and they would clean it.
Edward’s mother became impossible to co-habitat with. Her husband divorced her (I can totally see why), she had cancer when I had first met Edward, but it was in remission. She became from the time I met him to the time I finally moved out the most evil, vindictive bitch I ever met. I rank her with Obama, Hillary Clinton and Bush and Bill Gates. When we had our first court battle during our first separation. I was served papers which were *signed* by Edward yet, filled out by his mother with her made up version of things she fed to the lawyer she paid for.
She was the most backwards woman I ever met. And I attribute it to the fact she fluoridates the crap out of herself with more antidepressants, medication and toothpaste and bottled water that has fluoride in it. I think the reason she has NO critical thinking skills is that she killed any she had with all the fluoride and shit she did to herself. She took a million medications, and lots of Prozac. The sickest part was that because it clearly worked so well for her (Yeah she was clearly a happy person, not) she got her friends to start taking it. I feel bad for them. Those medications disassociate you from yourself and put you in a stupor and YES FLUORIDE WAS USED IN NAZI GERMANY AGAINST THE JEWS, only NOW they get you to pay to poison yourself because you’re so dumbed down because most parents have been letting schools give fluoride treatments, and buying fluoride toothpaste and other oral hygiene products like ACT with fluoride which is MARKETED for kids. You usually dont realize it for years, if ever, what you become taking medications. I was a victim of them myself and watched my brother be a guinea pig his whole life to wacky quacks playing with brain chemistry.
I remember when I was planning our wedding. I started one year in advance, while I was pregnant with my second daughter. She infuriated me. It was like, because of her own bitter divorce she was determined to make my wedding hell. We had the wedding at our house and the reception, because our house was a huge old barn it housed the 50-75 people that came just fine. I had our wedding outside in the backyard, and ALL spring I was trying SO desperately so make my flowers grow to have the perfect combinations and make my garden beautiful and the wedding beautiful. I will just make a LONG story short by saying that everything I planted she sabotaged. I had about 6 flower boxes on the deck, other flowers all around and I ended up replanting flowers FOUR separate times for our wedding. Why? Because that bitch was pulling out my sprouts. She was pulling them out in front of me one day telling me they were “weeds” when I almost snapped on her and freaked out. I swear she was testing me to see if I would lose it. I did NOT want to be a bridezilla so I talked to Edward about it instead. I ended up with crap she planted that looked awful, and hardly anything I had planted all four times made it because she pulled everything out. I was pretty devastated. My family and friends actually felt so bad about what she did that they all brought me flowers and helped decorate my trellis that Edward and his dad made because I had started trellising flowers and only the ones she didnt know about actually made it, and they wernt enough to make the trellis pop. I ended up buying rosebushes and other fillers because the seeds I planted were killed by his mother.
Edward’s mom hated everything about me, and I suspect may have had VERY serious jealousy issues. Instead of ever finding her own calling, she would see OTHER people’s success and try to recreate it in her own life. Of course, that never works out for anyone. She and I ate completely differently. I didnt want GMO’s or artificial sugar (aspartame) in the house or my kids eating it. She would constantly bring home pesticide sprayed fruits and veggies and gmo fruit and sugar free shit. If you wonder ever, why people become crazy or sick this is a great rule of thumb: you are what you eat. And when you eat, you are FEEDING a disease OR fighting one, based on what you eat. If you eat “food products” instead of food, you can count on paying for medical bills. I would rather pay an organic farmer and be happy, healthy and FEEL GOOD all the time, now, then pay the hospital later! She’d eat shit and then be like, “oh I dont feel good, I have to lay down for the afternoon.” And I’d be thinking, yeah have another nasty pink slime meatball you idiot. She wouldn’t eat fast food, but refused to watch Food, Inc so she has no idea even though she skips mcdonalds, shes actually still eating mcdonalds at home because there are only 4 primary parent companies that own all the other little sub companies all over the US that produce beef, pork and chicken. They are nasty and Food, Inc made me a vegetarian. And everyone would eat my organic food, and then when it was gone they’d replace it with unhealthy gmo food I wouldnt eat or feed my kids. Did you know they shellac not only candy, but fruit, specially apples. That is a good reason to buy organic fruit. Of course our FDA (controlled by Monsanto) says all that stuff is perfectly healthy for you…. lol.
Then there was the homeschool issue. Edward’s mother REALLY wanted to continue the cycle of shitty education. Because clearly her kids, whom only one actually graduated by the skin of his teeth and it wasnt Edward, did so well in school… not. She hated that I homeschooled my kids and was always trying to convince Edward I wasnt doing it and we should send her back to school. She was never home to see me homeschool her, or take care of her own dog, or know anything about what really went on there. She worked during the day and acted out other peoples lives in plays at the local theater at night. In my opinion she was just bringing everyone else down constantly in a sad attempt to bring herself up.
She was SO miserable, after a while all she was doing was making our lives miserable. With 6 people in our huge house she could NOT be happy unless:
1) The dishwasher was empty.
2) There were NO dishes in the sink.
3) Every toy my kids owned was cleaned up and none were on the floor (though her crap ALWAYS covered every surface of every table upstairs in her 500 unfinished projects and that was okay)
4)All our private rooms were cleaned and had no dishes in them.
5)Even though no one used the upstairs during the day, she would get mad if the upstairs fire wasnt going for her when she got home from work because SHE wanted to use the upstairs. That entailed bringing wood up two flights of stairs, several times. Then getting the fire going and keeping it going by continuing to bring up wood. We only kept the downstairs one going in the basement to conserve wood and also it was just too much work to keep them both going.
6)If I cooked dinner, I had to right away clean up everything or the bitching would commence, but when SHE cooked, first her dishes or crockpot would sit out for a week, then one of us would end up washing the nasty thing out. Because if she cooked, she wasnt washing, but when I cooked dinner, I had to clean up everything.
Suffice to say, the house being that clean was rare and we couldnt live up to her standards as servants. It was a 4 floor old barn converted to a house. I began to live out of my room to avoid her. I’d cook the kids dinner before she got home so I wouldnt have to be around her, she was ALWAYS pissed about ANYTHING she could be. Almost every night she would freak out on whoever was around her about dishes, her shitty life, and everything in between.
She also would constantly go shopping at bargain places, good will, etc, and bring home bags and bags of complete junk that would sit in her “work area” for months or years, THEN every time a bill was due (and we did pay her $100/wk in rent and so did her other son) she would freak out about our electric bill and cry that she didnt bleed money, and I might have felt a little more sympathetic if she hadnt been constantly pissing away the money we did give her, both me and Edward and her other son. She went crazy, every 5 months she would “hate” the bowls in the kitchen and go out and buy a new set, ditto with all kinds of decorations and just complete crap, the money we gave her could have paid the bills but instead she spent it stupidly and then complained when our bills were due. I remember getting PISSED because she had bought furniture and at ikea and a bunch of other junk, then a few months later told us there was a lean on our house because she couldnt “afford” to pay the taxes.
And by, she would freak out I mean, it didnt matter who was there, she would unload and yell and cry and lose it on whoever was around for her to, even when we had people over. Sometimes she would get drunk first, most of the time she was just an angry, awful person to have around. Beware Elizabeth when she returns from work at 5pm and everyone go hide because she might freak out and usually did!
So it was a little before Christmas of 2013 that I got to the point where I absolutely couldn’t stand to wake up in that house for one more day. It was always cold, and you try to pee or poop on a toilet seat that is 12 degrees. My daughter regressed in potty training because she didnt want to use the bathroom and it was too far from her room. BEFORE we moved back she wasnt having accidents at night anymore, and the whole situation just was NOT good for her.
The water was also salty and they wouldn’t stop adding water salts, so we couldn’t drink the water the last month I was there because it was getting salty more then not. We had to fill up 5 gallon water cooler jugs from the local natural water pump to have water to drink or cook with. Me and the girls had REALLY sensitive skin and it was always drying out our skin horribly and contributed to my youngest daughter having rashes. I wanted to be happy,to live my life, and have my kids be happy, and we just wernt.
I tried really hard to reason with Edward. He did NOT understand where I was at, and in my opinion he was just not mentally ready leave the situation. He promised me before New years that the last crap for his rifle he ordered was it and he swore that every order was the last one, right up til I moved out in February on Valentine’s day of 2014 as in a few days ago. He always promised after the “last order” he would help me save to move out. He never did. We could have sold all our rifles and bought a NICE house but he was just not on any same level with me anymore. He wanted to “wait out the winter because he promised his mother we would stay through the winter.” I couldnt even stand the idea of being there one more day let alone months or years while we tried to build or find a house. It was always an excuse and I got sick of it. Dont get me wrong, I love my rifle, but I KNOW that your present situation (specially if its abusive) takes priority over future prepping. He didnt live in the present, he lived in the future – where shtf could happen any day and he was ready. Why fix things today when tomorrow everything could collapse was the impression I got he had.
Before our last fight, I had enough of everything and he basically told me if I didnt like the amount of money we had and wanted to get a place other then the house we were in, I needed to get a job and save up. So I decided that day, fine, I am getting a job and getting out of this situation. I knew healthcare in my state was booming. I applied for PSS training and did it. Getting the job was easy.
It was a few days before Christmas and we got hit with a bad blizzard/ice storm. All our power was out for 5 days including on Christmas and after. Luckily we were preppers right? True, we had water, a propane antique oven, woodstoves to keep warm and everything we physically needed.
We were about three days into our outage and tempers were running high. Elizabeth was giving us all chores to do, I was trying to corral and occupy our kids. I remember Edward was really frustrated and everything was setting him off. We had been arguing and I was looking for something and a gate fell over and crashed on the floor. Edward screamed at me something to the extent of, that I couldnt handle going without power. I pointed out he was the one freaking out. We started yelling at each other. I told him I was taking the kids and going to my grans with them (she lived in the city and they had their power back but we didnt know that, I only knew I didnt want to be there with them.) Edward said I wasnt leaving, I went downstairs to start packing stuff with the kids, and he came down after me. He stood in front of the door and grabbed my arm. I told him to let me go, “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!” I yelled more then once. He wouldnt let me go, I punched him in the face. It was a reaction I’m not totally proud of, but given my history, I am not one who liked being a )told what to do or b) being restrained. I punched him in the face. He looked hurt but he came back at me, he says he doesnt remember hitting me but I had bruises to prove otherwise, plus my elbow had a quarter sized cut. I remember him punching my ribs while he was trying to hold me down on the bed. I kicked him off me and tried to get out of the room. The trouble was, Edward was a brown belt, and he trained me too, so I can totally defend myself. He actually told after what an awesome punch it was, and the fact I actually got it in. He had me in the python on the floor outside our room and I couldnt breathe, he was crushing me and he screamed he was going to kill me with my almost two year old next to me and my 6 year old at the top of the stairs watching all this. I told him he was crushing my insides and to let me go and that I was leaving and never fucking coming back. Edward’s mother took my oldest daughter into her room and his brother grabbed my baby and as he walked away with her (me stuck in the python on the hall floor) he said “I don’t think either of the kids should be around you crazy people.” I shot him a death glare and promised myself in that moment that I didnt care what I had to do. This was OVER. I was DONE living with these fucking crazy people. ALL of them.
The power didnt come back on for days. Edward wouldnt let me leave, he literally hid my keys and wouldnt give them to me. I was REALLY upset. I took my kids into my room and cried and was just devastated and broken and physically hurting for days. I tried to be normal on Christmas, which our fight was on Christmas Eve, very festive huh? I didnt come out for two days after Christmas, I made Edward do everything outside the room. I decided in those days a few things. Edward and I were over, and I for the first time was honest with myself about how I felt. I really missed Eric.
The power came back on and I checked on Eric. He had just created a facebook account. It didnt appear him and his girlfriend were together anymore. I thought for a few days about what I would say. Finally, I woman’d up and wrote to him.
We began talking and he really missed me too. He said he had always descibed me to people as his soul mate. He could quote true blood to me (I LOVED true blood and the novels) and he said it was funny because he was planning on being back in Maine within a year. I was really happy. He was literally the Eric Northman of my dreams.
He drove up to see me the first week of January. We rented a hotel room and I picked out my favorite one, with a pool and hot tub we could use. We went out to dinner, which was sooooo yummy, and I got a whole big bottle of barefoot pink moscato and drank half of it that night. We talked, and made love and fell asleep in each others arms. I have never slept so peacefully in my entire life. We woke up and used the pool and hot tub, we showered and checked out. We went and got coffee for two hours while we talked about how we were going to work out this whole thing. I never wanted him to leave.
A week or two later he drove up from Vermont again so we could get our kids together and see how they got along. Together we had three. He had a boy who was 9 days older then my youngest daughter. They loved each other, they played all afternoon and had a blast. My oldest daughter had so much fun she didnt want to leave and told me that she wanted to relive that day over and over like a day that kept repeating. I told her I knew how she felt.
I knew that my kids would love Eric. He is fun and happy, collected and loving. Edward was so busy being what our loving friends called the “house nigger” (Malcom X reference there) he had no time to play with our kids or do stuff with them and if he had any time at all he was too tired to play, he’d veg out and sit down for a few hours video gaming. The feeling at the house was this, if you wanted to relax and not be “productive” in his moms eyes you had to go to your room. Otherwise (and sometimes even still) she would find whoever wasnt working on something and assign them stuff to do. It used to be every morning when we woke up she would write us a list of chores to do during the day that she just wanted done. Not only was she never thankful but it was never ending. I finally stopped doing anything she wrote on the chore board to get my point across. As a mom, trying to use cloth diapers, homeschool, run my etsy store, care for two kids and everything mothers and business owners do, you might be able to understand how taking the day to do her bullshit put mine on the back burner. I saw a meme on facebook that I thought summed up the situation well.
I was becoming distant from Edward (I was getting ready to leave) and I had passed out at about 4am one night. He woke out of a dead sleep as if told to, grabbed my tablet, went into my facebook, and found out I had seen Eric and that I was planning on leaving. He shook me awake (I had been sleeping less then an hour) and he cried and yelled at me and then tore off my clothes, fucked me, and then I asked him why and he told me “That’s what you do to whores.” We were talking, and he lept off the bed, grabbed his handgun from the safe and pointed it at me. He said “You’re with THEM arent you!” I wasnt sure what he meant, but it related to the information that firmed up why I was leaving. I connected to his emotional self and got him to put down the gun. We talked about everything and didnt go back to sleep.
Yes, I wish I could have found a way to leave him that wouldnt have hurt him like it did, but after what I felt during our last physical fight, I dont think I really cared about how he emotionally felt anymore. I was beyond the end of my rope and infact I had no rope left. He told me he was my soul mate (and that wasnt the first fight like that we had, it was just the LAST) and I spitted in his face (not literally) but these words, I said: Would my soul mate physically hurt me? Would my soul mate fuck me and call me a whore? Would my soul mate ignore my feelings about NEEDING to leave this place? I went on, he looked shocked. Edward and I had disconnected and I was trying to build the same relationship with someone else, which was a very silly delusion. My only soul mate is Edward and I was ridiculous for thinking I could just move on.
We agreed I would stay there while Eric and I were applying for houses. The only car we had was mine, and he didnt want me to go stay at my grans with the kids. It made sense for me to stay there. He had almost a month to get a car and the stuff he would need and I had that time to find a place and save some money. The most important part was that I didnt want to tear my kids from their home and put them into a tumultuous time through this transition. We wanted to have an easy divorce and we agreed to be friends and split the time with the kids. He had them 3 days, I had them 3 days and the 7th day we would meet up to exchange them. Kind of a half day for both of us.
His mom one night, a few weeks before Edward found out I was leaving, got completly drunk and called us all upstairs for a family meeting, Edward begged her not to because she was just drunk and freaking out. She was pissed because she got a $400 electric bill. She was pissed we wernt doing our chores, it was a full moon and she just turned into a fucking loony every time the full moon was high. She demanded I start doing more and pretty much just bitched and I stayed quiet til I couldnt. She said : I want the dishes done why can’t the person who gets up in the morning just deal with the dishes (again thats me apparently responsible for everyones dishes) WHY cant Kasey help you Edward, I want the chores done and the dishes done and I want I want I want………. I finally interrupted and looked at her straight in the eye. I said “ELIZABETH I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR SERVANT. I STOPPED DOING MY CHORES AND THE SHIT YOU LEAVE US TO DO BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE DO ITS NEVER ENOUGH. YOU ARE NEVER HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT AND I AM NOT WORKING MY ASS OFF TO GET BITCHED AT BY YOU ABOUT WHATEVER I DIDNT DO. WE ARE MOVING YOU CAN COUNT ON IT, AND I WILL NOT BE YOUR SERVANT.” I walked away, I knew all she wanted to do was fight because the full moon was high. As I left she yelled “OH THATS REALLY HELPFUL KASEY.” and I went down to my room. His brother was not long after me and Edward and his mother stayed upstairs screaming at each other for two hours. Really awesome mom huh? She screamed at her son who does everything for her like a damn servant in his own home that he pays rent in, that she hated him. That is the kind of woman she had become. A woman with ZERO self control who told her kids she hated them when they didnt do everything the Queen wanted.
He came downstairs and pretty much was just wiped. He said he knew we needed to move but (again) we had to stay the winter according to him. He said his brother thought we should all move so he could have the house to himself, Elizabeth thought it was her house, and we should move, even though we had been paying rent for a total of at least five years and we were going to inherit the house. And basically it was decided none of us really wanted to live there, and with the amount of work it was, Elizabeth was sabotaging herself by pushing all of us away. A 60 year old woman who considers herself the victim of her life cant bring in wood everyday from outside, bring wood up 2 flights of stairs, get two fires going, keep the pipes from freezing during the day, keep up on the chores, work during the day AND everything else all by herself. Hell, we could all barely do it working together. It was crazy to me she fought for that house only to push us all away and without us she will lose the house that they worked on for 20 years. To me, the titanic was going down and I was just the first person to jump in the lifeboat and face reality.
I would have been more sympathetic to the electric bill, but I had been trying to convince them to replace the old antique shit in their house since I moved in to no avail. I actually had a energy star washer and dryer set and I sold it because they refused to use mine. Elizabeth’s machines are very old and her dryer is from the 80’s. It uses electric AND propane. And laundry in our home is going every day, there’s 6 people so pretty much the washer and dryer are always running. PLUS she had a HEATED water bed to be cozy in all night while we froze our asses off and she had the nerve to complain that our space heaters were a problem. I wanted to put in solar heating panels like the one I was working on for my greenhouse. No one wanted to help with that. Elizabeth actually bought a $1200 furnace that doesnt even work right last year, INSTEAD of doing solar panels. AND to top it off, the rinnai heater and furnace in the house, we wernt allowed to use unless we had company, then we turn them on and pretend our house is always warm. Elizabeth decided painting the trim on the house purple (which is another project she never finished) was more important then the fact that our home was an 1800’s barn which was infested with mice and squirrels who had burroughed in the ceiling and ate our insulation so the house couldnt keep heat in it to save our lives. We all ran space heaters in our rooms because it was so cold that the cold winter air easily just came through the walls. That was a HUGE problem to her. My kids room was always freezing and I would turn on the heater at night, she would go in and turn it off. She turned off every heater she saw on. Now, my youngest daughter is going through a naked phase in the middle of winter. I put her to bed, she takes off her jammies and diaper and throws them outside her crib. By 4am every morning, the fire is out and the whole house is 37 degrees if you are lucky. While Elizabeth is nice and toasty in her heated water bed, my daughter by 6am would always be up, freezing, wet and miserable. It’s not like I am against conserving electricity, but she refused to actually do anything to remedy the situation. She would point to my energy star computer which was always on and demand I turn it off (I never did). That’s what I mean, it’s classic transference from psychology (My mom has a BA in psychology and teaches AP psych) she would see the problem in everyone else, but never herself. Same with the cleaning thing. She had piles of shit (literally dog shit) all over the house constantly, you know who’s stuff bothered her being around? Mine and my kids. She would find any excuse whatsoever to not focus on her own problems and issues and Edward was developing the SAME thing… She would spend three hours cleaning the kitchen like a really crazy person, just going through everything and reorganizing things and throwing away things she decided she hated so she could go buy more and then she would leave a note that said “Kitchen took three hours to clean, pick up after yourself.”
My last incident with her at the house was after she found out we were getting a divorce. I guess she decided there was no need to continue holding back her hatred because almost one month later, this was two days before the following full moon (see a theme) she completely freaked her shit. I am convinced some women just cannot handle the power of the full moon. I become empowered by it, some people are driven mad by it.
It was two days to Valentine’s Day, I was still waiting on our house to be approved. I had washed Ally’s poopy diapers, done more laundry, homeschooled Emily, made valentine’s with her, cooked dinner, did etsy orders and amazon orders and some other chores I had. My daughters had sort of littered my room with glitter from the valentines. Elizabeth came home in a bad mood for a millionth time. She opened up my door and complained about the glitter. I was tired from working all day so I was on my tablet. I had just put my youngest to bed (as every night I put both the kids to bed myself) and was relaxing on my bed on my tablet catching up with Eric about the house. She was taking my oldest to play a game when as she went to close my door she looked right at me and said “Lounge enough today?” As if she was 100% certain I hadnt done anything today other then sit in bed. I was pretty pissed about what she said. She was again, being judgmental because thats what unsuccessful, unhappy people do. I yelled back “You wanna be a bitch anymore?” She said “Yeah actually I do.” I yelled down the hall to my oldest daughter and told her to come back to my room, all the yelling had woken up my youngest daughter and she was screaming down the hall. I took my oldest into my room where I tried to call my gran, to tell her I’d be there the next day. I told her that ELIZABETH WAS BEING A CUNT and she stormed back into my room. We had a confrontation about how I was the mom and my daughter was staying with me, Elizabeth refused to leave my room, trying to assert some power she does NOT have over me, she was fighting with me about my daughter, and me defining the word CUNT for her as her grandmother (I still defend this, she is one. It was the first time I ever said that word in front of my daughter) and she wouldnt leave. I screamed down the vent to Edward in the basement as loud as I could “GET UP HERE NOW.” It only took him a second to be upstairs. I told him to get this bitch out of my room. He did.
My daughter was super upset and Edward and I had to deal with both of our kids freaking out, but my oldest came first because she had to witness all this. Edward and I had to explain to her right then (instead of when I was ready to move and it would be an easy transition) that we were getting a divorce and that because Grandma was being selfish we had to go stay with Grammy Ann for a few weeks. Elizabeth came in for to say she was going out, followed by saying to Edward as my daughter is crying in front of her “don’t look at me blame your wife, she did this.” WE shot her a death glare, because we all knew she was the one who had caused this scene. And thats what everyone told her too. Elizabeth however, was not expecting it to play out like this. Elizabeth thought she could pull what she did last time we separated, which was, when I left she convinced Edward to have me served papers and she paid for Edward to have a lawyer who was trying to get me to pay child support even though I had our daughter 5 days and he had her 2, but I made more money at the time. The papers wernt even written by Edward, they were written by her and signed by him. She really hated me for that because I made him look like the idiot he was in court, his mother had met with the lawyer and basically told the lawyer her made up version of things. As I spoke up for myself in court, literally saying he was lying in court, they asked him to verify what I said and he admitted I was telling the truth, and that made him AND his lawyer look stupid. She snuck in the back doors of the court room to attend even though I had given instruction to our mediators to keep her out. I just remember asking God why she couldnt just kill herself or get hit by a bus? How could such a horrible person live with herself?
She went downstairs after our fight to Edward, to cause more hate and discontent. She said to him “Are you just going to LET her LEAVE with YOUR kids?” Edward told her that he didnt hate me, yes he was going to let me leave, we had it all worked out, and the only person standing in his way of happiness to this point was HER. She was forcing him to be carless and also robbing him of his last two normal weeks with the kids. Which was true, I had to leave and thats what she wanted. But she wanted us to fight over the kids and everything else because thats what happened in her life. She and her ex husband Eric got divorced after over 30 years of marriage. I can only assume it’s because she became a psychopathic bitch and he got tired of being Mr. Fix everything with no thankfulness. You see, The Function of the Orgasm is a banned book by Reich. I own it and it explains how the orgasm is a type of reset button for your neuroses. Orgasms actually keep you at the proper homeostasis level. After her cancer, she had no sex drive whatsoever. Eric divorced her and she got more and more nuts as time went by. Unfortunately for her, her divorce was a bad one. They fought over the house, him and her moving in and out of it, they fought over everything. I think he just grasped after a while that she had regressed to a 16 year old state and was just not herself anymore. I would have divorced her too. Who wants to live or love anyone that horrible???
I dont have much sympathy for her because she runs from herself. She will do anything to not face her real problems, which are inside her, and there’s no amount of pills that’s ever going to fix her or make her better. AND she’s teaching her kids to do the same. Our western medicine tells you to take a pill for everything because that’s how they keep you subservient to the pharmaceutical industry for life and make hundreds of thousands of dollars off you. It’s the same reason Obamacare is NOT designed for your health, its designed so that insurance companies can profit while you are FORCED to pay for healthcare most of us do NOT need or want. Obamacare does NOT cover things that should be, and makes you accept a policy that includes things you’ll probably never need. I refuse to sign up or pay for healthcare because there is nothing reiki and homeopathy cant cure. Oh by the way, there are at least two cures for cancer I actually know of. One is baking soda, plain and simple. The other is BHO oil from cannabis. Yes, parents across the US are giving their sick children a gram of bho oil and its curing leukemia, diabetes, cancer and other thing. Of course, just as Reich was arrested for curing cancer and died imprisoned by our FDA, these parents are often targeted by the DHHS or other government agencies who have a problem with you curing your kids instead of killing them or watching them die like the doctors recommend.
His mom has seen the same therapist for about 10 years. The only difference is she takes more medication. Therapists are for whining about your problems, spirituality is for facing them. (With the exception of hypno therapists). Well, I think she was more upset about me and Edward’s friendship and thats why she was causing this hate in our life at that point. Edward and I had been together almost ten years. We were good friends and even after he found out about Eric, he understood and we continued to be friends. I was still sleeping next to him at night and hanging out with him. She hated that because her and Eric were not friends anymore. She would email him or call him and he would ignore her. She actually did leave after the last fight we had and went out. She called Eric, her ex to complain about me and you know what he said? He asked Edward in the morning if she had gone to the hospital, he said “No, why?” Eric said “because I told her to drive herself to the hospital and check herself into a mental hospital because they were the only people that could help her. And EVEN if that was what he thought (as if to say it WASN’T) I would have kept my mouth shut and let you handle your divorce on your own. I’m REALLY sorry she did that.” She knew the next day was a blizzard and I would have to move in a blizzard and load and unload in it too.
The next morning I woke up and there was over a foot of snow. I loaded up my car and had stayed up til 1am getting my etsy orders done. I drove them to the post office and went to the store. My car was sliding (even though it’s awd and has studded snows) and the road was so covered that no one knew where on the road they were supposed to be. Edward called me and said he had gone to help his brother out who had gone into a ditch and he begged me to stay one more night and not drive the 45 minutes to my grans. I had a bad feeling about driving so I stayed one more night instead of risking all our lives. An accident could have killed us with the car that packed full of our stuff.
At the same time as Edward and I had that fight, someone named “Sparky” on personalitycafe.com changed my life and made my decision to leave even easier. You see, I had started popping up around the internet, here’s an article about me getting my radio show with Prince Vega who is a really epic rapper whom I just adore. Check out his music, he has a song called World’s A Lie with Joey Claris that is just awesome! Prince Vega is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of getting to chat with. When he speaks its poetic and meaningful, and he’s a really amazing man I consider my friend.
My mom is an INFP personality type, I’m an INFJ. I wrote a quick thank you on personalitycafe to the people who put all this together for me. You see, I don’t know if my programming would have completely broken if they hadnt literally put the pieces together for me and been talking about me. I watched the videos they posted and did weeks of research. I was led to books and papers and absorbed all the information I could. They showed that Anya Briggs is also an INFJ, and we have way too much in common for comfort. That Aaron McCollum (one of her abductors and a whistleblower) was very much like Edward, my husband. I watched first, in horror, Aaron’s story, interview with Project Camelot, and other videos he had. I started with the essential story of Aaron, and here’s the funny thing about a warning at the beginning of a video. It said “If you suspect you are a MILAB or TI watch with discretion, as we are going to use trigger words.” Basically, I had no suspicion of myself being a MILAB when I started watching. Programming doesnt allow you to. I hadnt seen Anya’s videos yet and didnt know why they were comparing us all. Obviously, in my research I had lightly heard of MK Ultra, Aleister Crowley’s involvement in MI5, I knew about project paperclip and the secret experiements. I had researched the Nazi experiments (specially fluoride related ones) and how we actually brought those Nazi doctors back here during and after WW2 so that we could take over the entire project through the CIA and black ops and subdue the entire American Public, to bring in the NEW WORLD ORDER. I had NO idea how deep the rabbit hole went or that there were somewhere between 300,000 and 600,000 TI’s and MILABs worldwide according to Dr. John Hall. Only my triggered memories from Aaron led me to all this.
Aaron was explaining about how they actually take people, as I still hadnt quite been able to wrap my mind around it. That was the point, it was FAR past what most people can wrap their minds around. For every one year that goes by the military gains 20-50. If you dont believe me just check out fbo.gov sometime. I just found out they are putting a VLF weapon off the coast of Maine 7 miles under the ocean. Which wasnt surprising since we also had one of the mysterious google barges up here also.
He said that there were many ways they can abduct you and explained many. He started talking about how they will “cover” their abductions and how when they would use a “cocktail” which would leave some sort of false alien abduction or memory. It triggered a memory I had completely suppressed, and probably has a little something to do with why I refused to stay in my bed all throughout my teenage years.
One night, and I am not sure of the year – I think it was while I was pregnant with my first daughter in late 2006, but I cant be certain. The memory is what I have. I was asleep and I remember opening my eyes and screaming at the top of my lungs. There was a little grey alien (my room was VERY small about 6′ x 6′ – enough room for a bed, dresser and nothing else) so when I say it was three feet from me, it was at my bedside. Now, several things led me to believe it was a false memory. I screamed at the top of my lungs in my memory. My grandfather was on the other side of the wall my bed was on. The walls were so thin they knew what I said when I was talking on the phone. He would have woken up if that was true. Another thing, on the other wall behind my bed was my gran’s room(my grampy had to sleep on the couch close to the bathroom before he died), if I had screamed at the top of my lungs the two people on either side of my wall should have most certainly awoken to my blood curdling scream. After screaming, I closed my eyes in terror and the grey alien, when I opened them a moment later was gone. I went back to sleep in my memory.
Then I began to remember other things. Like when I was living in a city apartment for a while, sometimes I woke up with REALLY weird scrapes, bruises, punctures, etc… mostly on my feet. I often wondered how my feet could have been “scraped or punctured” while I slept. On at least a few occasions I can remember waking up with dirty feet like I was walking around barefoot in my sleep.
While I was there, I woke up at one point with a literal hole in the back of my head. It was about 3 fingers above where my hairline meets my neck in the dead center of the back of my skull. The dime sized hole stayed for about a month before it healed. It was weird and I could never explain it til now.
Then there were my instances of lost time. Sometimes I would be driving down a stretch of road, and all of a sudden, I was driving down the same exact place in the road.
With Eve’s research and work I was able to critically assess me and Edward’s relationship & I quote from her, link is above:
“Why would aliens set up two partners?
In my book The Love Bite: Alien Interference In Human Love Relationships, I describe 4 main reasons why a couple is being set up.
1) Genetic bloodline study for the purpose of having children
2) Emotional energy and sexual energy harvesting or Energy Vampirism,
3) Putting a couple together for a particular purpose, a job, project or useful connection that suits the alien agenda or experiement we may not understand,
4) In milabs two people are bonded so that their kundalini energies are activated which amplifies their psychic ablities that are needed and used in mind controlled black ops that the military are using them for. In these cases, sometimes the aliens ( in particular the reptilians–will first sexually arouse and stimulate one or both partners, so that they are psi amplified and then sent to do things like remote viewing or other operations involving telepathic or unusual abilites. This was only discovered after working with milabs who have had numerous reptilian encounters, where they sometimes had a sexual encounter that amplified kundalini energies and psychic abilities, after which the military would take them and use them on black ops.
3. Why would they disrupt or break up a relationship?
Aliens have been known to disrupt and break up relationships. These can be family connections, friends or lovers. I’ve run into several couples who had their love relationships consistently disrupted so that they never seemed to be able to have the love partner they wanted, and instead the aliens or military handlers would choose one for them. In these cases the milab abductee would usually end up with a controlling or manipulated partner who seemed to keep tabs on them and prevent them from breaking free of the mind control, etc. There have also been cases where it’s strictly aliens who are disrupting true love, powerful true love, and then trying to insert a “false cookie cutter” partner in place of the real “soul mate” partner. This throws off the person with a lifetime of crappy relationships keeping them emotionally miserable and unable to heal and become whole and empowered. True love is powerful and it is believed at least some ETs dont want powerful true love being consummated between real soul mates or twin flames. A popular movie called The Adjustment Bureau was along this theme, where the ETs were like Watchers who wore the black top hats, black suits, etc. In this movie they did what has been described by numerous contactees, where they insert the “false partner” so that the real soul mate beloved is not found or they keep missing each other. Maybe it’s a game to see how far we as humans will go to find and be with our true beloved. the question is , “Are the ET’s playing both sides of the fence?”
4. How about Milabs how does that fit into this scenario?
Milabs fit in with alien abductions some of the time. Not all of the time, but it is becoming a more frequent report. Milabs were once believed to be strictly military abductions of alien abductees/experiencers for the purpose of interrogation of what the aliens were doing to them. This is true, but there is more to the milab experience. What James Bartley and I have found over the years is that once someone of particular bloodline, and “abilities” is already an alien abductee or in a certain bloodline family , then they are often co-opted into a secret military program which utilizes them as operatives under mind control carrying out a number of activities for the military agenda– who appears to be working in concert with some alien species, such as the alien Greys and Reptilians, Drac, Mantises, Nordics, etc. I believe the alien abductions always came first and some time in our recent history with military and secret government, they made agreements to work together sharing alien technology in exchange for human abductees for experimentation. The military shadow government factions will use alien abductees in their own programs which may be military in nature as psychic spies, assassins, operatives of varying capabilities because of their unique alien-hybrid abilities.
So much now is described as a kind of virtual reality kind of training experience, that feels real like a lucid dream, but appears to be carried out via some form of advanced technology which can literally hijack the consciousness of the abductee. Or what we call astral abductions, where the soul consciousness is transferred directly out of body onto a ship, underground base or another dimensional reality. This is also described as soul consciousness tranfers, where the consciousness is transferred from the human body directly into a clone of themselves or even an alien body. It is suspected that many of the milab “lucid dreamlike experiences” may actually be operations carried out via cloned bodies with pre programmed minds, where all the controllers need to do to activate the clone is transfer the soul essence temporarily and then the abductee/milab clone performs a specific job in another environment. Dr. Corrado Malanga desribes some of this in his work as well.
Milab abductees often find themselves in what we called “shared dreams” . They felt a connection with one another because they had been involved in a joint abduction or milab operation together. This happens alot. They also experience what we termed “stage managed dream scenarios” with other abductees. In these stage managed dreams, sometimes a love connection or sexual encounter takes place, which may catalyze a love bite connection meeting with the couple later in physical life.
This is a good overview of the milab experience with an interview by a woman named Lilu:
Having known all this information, it’s a wonder I still fell for the manipulation and left, but I did. My misery kept me from seeing the truth till it was too late. I tried to leave Edward and start a normal life with Eric. I couldn’t see the targeting staring me in the face even though I dealt with other people’s.
There are SO many aspects of this that it’s hard to cover them all in order. I have written SOME of my dreams above, but I’d be here for years writing them all. My husband and I did dream together, and had experiences tripping on psychedelics where we actually went to and came back from other dimensions. The first time I activated my kundalini was actually on one of these occasions. We were living in the apartment that was haunted and crazy – the one I moved out of because it was a craphole. our daughter was being babysat and we had the apt to ourselves and again, I made us some nice shroom tea. I remember Edward and I at that time, just loved to make love while tripping. We wouldnt like go out to the movies for a date, we’d get a babysitter and trip for the night and not sleep. On this night my kundalini was activated we had made love for hours and hours. He… did things to me that made me orgasm for HOURS. At the end of it, our bed was SOAKED from ME. It looked like I lost 5 gallons on the bed. Of course, at that time I had NO idea what Ojas was. Perhaps now if you didn’t before you can understand why many songs actually refer to drinking “honey” from women. Rap songs, country songs, rock songs – I hear it all the time. It REALLY continues to disturb me when people leave me comments on youtube that tell me they would like to eat me or taste of me. And yes, I really do get that more then you think. After what I have been through, my sacred fluids are ONLY for my twin flame. The ONLY person deserving of consuming my immortality.
Here’s another interview Eve did with a Scandinavian MILAB.
Then I came across the motherload of information. It led me full circle back to my starting point: making orgone… which I had REALLY become distracted from.
& I quote:
“TRW: The strangest thing is in figuring out why the UFOnauts abduct people, and what stops them from doing so. Since magical ritual contacts them and banishes them, we know either that they are magical beings, or magick is a technology, or both. But when I started working with Reichian technologies the Knights of Malta would give their fortunes to have, I noticed something most strange. UFOs can be disintegrated by Reichian energies.
AHG: Well, that’s strange, but hardly new; Reich himself said he did that in the ‘50s.
TRW: Right. But consider what Reich worked with. He called it “Orgone Energy” which was a direct outgrowth of his work with Freudian Psychotherapy. Up through a certain point, he was an orthodox Freudian, until he discovered that the very energies that Freud addressed in psychological terms were explainable as a Universal Energy or Current, a kind of ‘orgasmic flux’ inherent in the universe, which could be channeled, quantified and, apparently, used to shoot down flying saucers.
Orgone Energy, it seems to me, is identical to the Love/Will current of Aleister Crowley’s Book of The Law.
AHG: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that the energy behind human libido destroys Ultraterrestrial craft?
TRW: “They drink our fear, like hungry ghosts. To drink instead our love is death unto them and their kin.”
AHG: Who are you quoting?
TRW: That would be telling.“
So I thought about this. Most certainly, making orgone almost entirely rid me of dream invasions, and HELPED me learn to banish them in dreams. It helped me have control in dreams (I do make orgone with highly powerful psychic crystals). I take requests from people to make orgone with whatever they desire, I call these amulets. I can also recommend good crystals. In fact, I had almost EVERY person who bought orgone from me found me on facebook or sent me a message through etsy to tell me that as soon as they put it on everything was different and better. Unfortunately, I had one case where a very targeted woman lost a very expensive amulet I made her (it somehow came off the bail) and I ended up making her a new one and sending her a bunch of free stuff because while she was waiting for her new order (crystals can take up to 6 weeks to arrive) she just became unhinged at me. She opened up a case against me and to this day I can understand that she was being targeted but it sucked for me. I had to rush her order, and even though she knew it could take a while to get the 10 different crystals I ordered her, after she didnt have it in a month she started kinda freaking out on me. She opened the case against me, and I got her order out as fast as I could because it was evident she needed it. She isnt the first person to tell me though that they had a hard time hanging onto orgone.
Edward and I had a friend in the marines. Well, we had some military friends, one in specific Edward has a strong connection with and I believe they are both MILABS because they dream together and know each others code names, squads and other information, from dreams. I gave him orgone for his anger and it really helped him but he too had a hard time hanging onto it. His also “came off the bail” and I fixed it once. I am not sure if the reason SOME certain targeted people have this problem is because of their genetics. My husband had strange blood. It was acidic and would eat gold and copper. He would literally eat through rings and jewelry, in fact his friend’s family reports the same exact thing. I could go into annunaki and reptilian DNA, and how RH negetive and positive blood is important, but you can still have reptilian DNA with RH positive blood. This friend of Edward’s has masonic family and his dad is the ONLY person I ever met who told me more about orgone then I already knew. I loved them because when we visited we had intellectual conversation. I was a little surprised the had never heard of the Nommo, which are connected to Sirius, mermaids, and the Dogon tribe. Which leads me full circle back to Aaron McCollum and my mermaid regression. When Aaron talked about Project Seagate, I was reminded of my mermaid regression. Was there some connection between me, the Nommo, and Project Seagate? I think yes. But I am hoping someday I can talk with Aaron about it. I have always had incredibly low blood pressure. In fact when I was pregnant with daughter #1, a nurse once told me she had NEVER seen blood pressure as low as mine except on a corpse. I also eat right through gold. Any gold plated ring Edward ever got me lasted 2 weeks before I ate through the gold plate.
Around the time we started hanging out with them we found out Justin’s great grandfather was a 32 degree mason. We were discussing with his grandparents the secret agenda of the masons (which they didnt believe because the truth for their family is based around what the mainstream media and the websters dictionary says instead of their own common sense) and his grandmother said she had ONE book left from him. She let us borrow it, she had never read it and she handed us Morals and Dogma. She had NO idea what she was handing us!!!!!!!!!! The plans for the NWO and global takover includiung the last and final world war three are talked about in here, as well as acknowledging most of what I have descibed above, except Albert Pike wrote morals and dogma AGES ago!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT wish to have you believe ALL freemasons are bad. I have met really wonderful, and awesome masons. SOME however, DO have evil intentions as outlined in Morals and Dogma.
So after I read the Secret Rituals of the Men in Black and uncovered all that information, the first thing I did was make myself a REALLY powerful orgone amulet and put it on a strong chain. I did feel MUCH clearer after I put it on, and the day I put it on things just started falling into place, except Edwards mother but I couldnt help her with all the orgone in the world. Anyone who DOES NOT want to help them self, you cannot help. I wear it everyday. I refocused, and rededicated myself to making orgone and spreading the truth about what is really going on beyond the facade “they” the almighty controllers want you to believe. They dumb you down in school. They try to make you believe life is only limited to the physical. They fluoridate you so you can’t think critically with prozac, toothpaste, city & bottled water and all the other pills and crap they put Fluoride in. They want you to fluoridate your children so they are too dumbed down to change the world. They make you believe that television and news broadcast the truth. Hey did you know that only 6 parents companies own every single newspaper company, radio broadcasting channel, and tv station? Yeah, I havnt paid for cable, ever, and I dont know why anyone actually pays to be brainwashed. What better way to control what people think? I do download true blood, because I will FOREVER be an internet pirate, but I’d never pay for cable. And obviously, I read A LOT more then I watch things. After all, it is called television PROGRAMMING for a reason. They feed you food products instead of food, these GMO foods cause cancer, organ damage, neurological problems, and anyone who does their own research can figure that out. Here’s the catch though: unless you want to be “pacified” do NOT believe anything that is paid for and put out by corporations, specially Monsanto. They actually pay off people, magazines, students and colleges to get their agenda achieved. A FANTASTIC example is of this, Harvard PUBLISHING that organic food is no more nutricious then GMO. Any person who has common sense knows this was PAID to be put out. If GMO’s were REALLY safe, they wouldnt be AFRAID to LABEL them, AND OBAMA wouldnt NEED to have his executives from Monsanto serving as HEAD OF OUR FDA!!!!!! Conflict of interest???? Private citizens like me have youtube news channels, there are private citizen news outlets here on wordpress. I have always loved Activist Post, Veterans Today, business insider and examinr. Once you actually see the matrix for what it is, you see THROUGH all the lies. It is literally like putting on the glasses from “They Live” and seeing the world for what it is: manipulation on a global level. The global control over every person on Earth. You have a choice though – red pill or blue pill. When I met Gary Johnson, he actually said to me “Thank you for taking the red pill.” I was very flattered, and I am going to tell you now, taking the “red pill” is a decision I will never regret. I might have found out the good, bad and ugly, but I would rather be a part of the solution then part of the problem.
DEPROGRAMMING WITHOUT SELF DESTRUCT:
I had to divorce Edward for many reasons listed above but also because he refuses to look at all my evidence and his programming is not broken at all because it wont let him look at all the evidence. He refused to believe he was a MILAB even though he has a REALLY fucked up mark on him. We actually DID before my second daughter was born, bring him to the doctor because Edward couldnt figure out what the weird mark on his back was. It was unexplainable. The doctors tested it at length, it was NOT cancer, NOT ringworm and NOT Lyme disease. Around his birthday it turns BRIGHT purple. It “appeared” after living at our apartment before moving back to his parents house this last time about 4 year ago, same place I reported having woken up with scrapes, etc.. One or twice a year but always on his birthday, it turns purple and looks strange for a few days then returns to normal skin color like its not there. The doctors actually BURNED it out when he was at the doctor and it CAME BACK. All I can say is I am convinced it’s nanotechnology, because the doctors could only tell us what it WASN’T, they had NO idea what it was. It has been reported by countless MILABS strange markings, almost brands on their bodies which usually have tracking chips or tracking technology to locate you. These are photos I took December 2013.
As I said, doctors were baffled and after being burnt off, it came back.
I won’t force him at this time to break his programming, as I’m not even there to help him. If he does break it, I think him and his friend will do it together. I want to warn anyone who plans on breaking programming that these programs ARE set up with a self destruct. In other words, JUST like in the 4th Kind, where the guy kills his entire family when he find out, it is hard to handle, Eve Lorgan recommends finding a “therapist” who is “trained or familliar with MILABS” to help with the process of regaining memories, hypno therapy, etc. I don’t do therapists or doctors I am a being MUCH more powerful then any entity that feeds off fear. Many TI’s I have researched are stuck in a victim phase. They feel they have no defenses against these intrusions. As I have shown above, orgone actually obliterates the negetive energy, prevents them from entering a home OR opening portals to your room. AND YOUR emotional state has everything to do with whether or not you are vulnerable to this. When I was angry or upset I could hear them trying to suggest things to me. My orgone grid around my house kept out everything, except when I wasnt controlling my emotions. In a state of fear or any emotion that comes off the fear spectrum (see how there are only two emotions – fear and love, everything else is a derivative of one or the other) in any emotive fear state you make yourself vulnerable. This reflects astral abduction as well. If you keep your vibration high they cannot do anything to you, if you are weak, they feed off this. “They drink our fear like hungry ghosts, to drink instead our love is DEATH unto them, and their kin.” That is the truth. I banish these low level reptilians and other entities in my real life AND my astral dream world, and I teach others to as well. Our governments are JUST using the magick-science technology, used by Crowley and the others, and it IS easily defeated. I learned everything I needed to know about how they do it, and how to use this against them from my years of occult study. While religious brainwashed people told me I was “possessed” by demons for learning what Crowley and others had to offer, my highest self was guiding me to learn their methods to teach defense against the global manipulation plaguing the world and innocent men, women and children.
I also use sheilds, which I teach here, along with other techniques on how to banish entities.
YOU ARE A SUPREME POWERFUL BEING, you are a fractal of the original bornless one. You are not “just” a human. You are a SUPREME, multi dimensional being, having a human experience that yes, I am going to say it – YOU agreed to this assignment and incarnation to complete YOUR soul’s GREAT WORK. You are here to learn, to experience, and to remember your TRUE divine self. Each soul does this as they are ready. YOU must find the power within YOU.
I have gone through the process of starting to recover my past lives, here on Terra, and other places. I know that the “secret” that keeps people trapped, reincarnating here is through the COMPLETE control “they” the 12 bloodline families use. Religions, in general specifially demonize anything that helps you break your programming. Religion IS another form of programming.
They keep you in low vibration, easily targeted with fluoride products, medications, television programming, GMO food, sugar substitutes which literally cause not only cancer, but brain damage. They distract you with left brain technologies like phones and video games, and they are set up to profit off you as much as they can before these things waste years of your life and you die, and then COME BACK till you learn what you came here to remember, which is the truth about yourself.
To not incarnate here again: I am only 25. I dont know everything yet. But, I do know that there are at least 9 dimensions higher then this one. Which I go over here. WHEN you are able to go consciously to the other dimensions, you can consciously leave your body, this reality, and therefore, when you die, you are not cycled back here if you project yourself with your will to another dimension. Thus, you have ascended past third dimension and have no need to repeat it. You have choices when you die, and the only heaven and hell there is, is the one you create for yourself. You don’t have to go to the other dimensions either, Ascension by Susan Shumsky actually goes over pretty well the choices you have when you die.
Many people like me are incarnated right now to help. We all have pieces of the puzzle to share. I’m still learning and so is everyone else. I do NOT wish you to think I am saying this is the only way to ascend out of here. I offer the tools that have worked for me. Many of us starseeds have the inner feeling this is our last incarnation. I know this is mine and I am doing this to leave the pieces of the puzzle that I found helpful, to spread the truth about how to free yourself from your invisible cage. I offer links and photos and words to you, you motivate you to STOP following the heard off the cliff if you ever were. A lie is a lie, even if the whole world believes it. You can decide like I did, that truth does not come from others, it comes from inside, and what you feel to be true and right. I linked the Get Activated series I did, I teach how to develop your inner lie detector. I teach how to feel whats right and wrong. It was the development of these feelings that helped me decide the difference between “being thankful for what you have” and staying in a bad situation because you are trying to be grateful for your life. Chances are, if you were led down the new age path like me, you have run into these conundrums as well.
I urge you to evaluate your lives. To leave situations that create unhappiness, not staying out of fears or beliefs that you should be grateful for what you have. Being grateful is important, but YOU and YOUR happiness and destiny come first. Don’t be grateful for things that cause you misery, except after you leave the situation, then you can see it as a good growing experience.
Your children learn what you do, and if you continue a destructive lifestyle, you will watch your children do the same. It is NOT what we buy our kids, money does NOT buy happiness, the most important thing is what you teach your kids to do for themself. My daughters might have attitude, but they don’t let other people treat them badly and they understand that the other naughty children ARE products of their parents. I don’t care if you disagree. When you spend no time with your kids, and you ship them off to school everyday you are letting the state raise your kids, and their behavior and attitude completely reflect that. They are products of their environment and NO I DONT think schools are good environments. I graduated in 2007, wasted 18 years in school all I cared about was socializing NOT learning until my Senior year, I unlearned most of the crap after I graduated and taught myself the truth. When you do not take responsibility for your own kids, you continue the problem and then it’s up to your kids to someday figure this out. Schools have unhealthy gmo lunches, fluoridated water and kids who also have no parents OR just bad parents and then they teach your kids that behavior and your kids learn it. And you wonder why they become children you dont recognize. They the schools tells you to medicate them , it’s for their own good, to keep them “focused” on school. And you never get your kids back really because YOU are making the decision to go along with this sick agenda to dumb kids down and keep them from exploring outside the matrix’s box. Nassim Haramein actually is an idol of mine and he talks at length about how school failed his as well. By the way, he’s the greatest astrophysicist in the world.
I did try for 3 months to have my oldest daughter in school. Everyone said how great it would be for her, everyone was WRONG. They just make excuses to continue the lifestyle their parents taught them. You can learn from your parents, or become them. I chose to learn and not repeat my parents decisions.
I took Emily out of school after we had MANY problems.
1) I filled out her lunch form and wrote on it: My child WILL NOT have hot lunch. WE ONLY eat GMO free food. I will pack her lunches. About 6-8 weeks into school I got a bill for hot lunches my daughter was getting. I called the school, very upset that my kid was eating this crap after I had explicity written not to. They explained they dont have enough teachers to watch and make sure all the kids with cold lunch eat it OR to make sure my kid wasnt getting hot lunch. I also complained because I had sent her with soup one day and no one would warm it up for her. That would be giving my daughter special treatment.
2) I went on the school field trip with them to the apple orchard. We were walking around with the owners and she was complaining that her trees wernt yielding as many apples this year. I asked her “Do you use pesticides?” She said they did, and I asked her “So isnt it obvious the Monsanto pesticides are effecting your production and probably ruining your soil?” She looked at me bewildered, and YES I DID say all this in front of the Teachers that were there. The owner threw her hands up in the air and said “I dont know.” Then after they had all picked apples and the woman admitted to using pesticides, the teachers instructed the children to sit and eat an apple. I was COMPLETELY fucking mortified. I told my daughter she was NOT to eat them til we got home and I could AT LEAST wash them in Vinigar. We sat there and watched completly mortified as the sheep drank the kool aid so to speak. We got back on the bus and went home.
3)The last week of the school for my daughter we had two seperate incedints which were unacceptable. The first one was this, mind you my daughter was in Kindergarten. She came home from school and told me that some kid in her class had told her that she was going to break into our house and kill my daughters entire family. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. Of course we told her that was crazy and she had nothing to fear. The NEXT day, my daughter is getting off the bus, and it looks like she cant breathe. She’s in tears really upset and couldnt take a full breath. The bus driver (whom was a nice guy!) told me that a 4th grader had punched my daughter in the stomach and that he was going to be dealt with, and never allowed on the bus again. I wasnt sure if I had to take her to the hospital but I was able to get her to calm down and she was okay. I got a call from her principle informing me the child who had done this was no longer allowed at school and he was really sorry. Her father and I had enough of public school and I told him we would be homeschooling her from here on out.
4) Don’t even get me started on common core. At LEAST in homeschool, I can omit what I think is garbage and teach her the truth about everything. Common core math is the most embarassing part of American education. If you have NOT been to a public school in the last ten years, let me inform you that they no longer want you to answer math questions in a number answer. They want you to prove you solved the answer with 100 step math problems over and over. I refuse to waste my kids time. I had the same problem in school, they would ask me how I got my answers, I would show them some easy way (my brain makes shortcuts for math but I always get the right answer) and they would mark my answer WRONG even though the answer was RIGHT because I did not follow the common standard 103 step way to get the answer. Common core doesnt make kids smart, its just a waste of time. Some people accept that they hated school, all kids hate school, yet they still subject their kids to it. Don’t even get me started on how common core basically brainwashes your children to be subservient to the governement. It is designed to. In international standards, the US is 27th. I will further agree with this article. If in school, I had been shown that school did not have all the answers and that there was a field called Quantum Physics (which is a HUGE passion of mine NOW) I might have thought about going to college. Public education taught me a few things I value from my senior year but the other 17 years were a waste. I could ALREADY read at a 4th grade level in 1st grade. School was BORING and it became less about learning and more about socializing as years went by. Furthermore, did they teach me how to use my rights when cops wanted to abuse their power in warentless searches? Nope. How about the real meaning of our constitutional rights and what the words SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED mean??????? Nope.Do they teach you that there is anything other then the Republican and Democrat horse and pony show? Nope. They DO however, use schools to collect information on your child, and if they seem talented, when they go to graduate, the military will call and harass you until you tell them you arent fucking interested like they did with me. They’ll offer you sign on bonuses and everything. I may have been a teen mom but that didnt stop the military from calling a bunch and asking if I was interested. School is not intended to educate as I said above, its designed to keep you subservient to our government.
I made a GREAT case in THIS video. It gets great at about 25 minutes after I talk about Fukushima & the animal die offs.
As you can see, the world you live in has many problems right now. We ARE on a precipice though! Our numbers are great and they keep us in fear and afraid of trusting each other because IF WE DID we’d all get together, very pissed off, and change things.
The BEST thing you can do now though, is to start with you. Each and every one of us is our own universe in a way. You are your world and so are your children. You must decide what is more important, like I did: Do I care more that the neighbors and my family think I’m a conspiracy theorist OR do I care more about giving my child the BEST life I can, and sacrificing things like sleep so I could work at night to do so. People always tell me every excuse in the book as to why they don’t homeschool. Let me tell you something right now, the HARD road wouldnt be less travelled if it was easy, the easy road is not usually the most rewarding one either. Yes, I work hard, I dont sleep a lot, I’m a mom, a teacher, a business owner and now, book writer. Truly, I will sleep when I am dead is my motto.
There is a silent war going on right now. That’s what the nasa war document is all about. And yes, this info being released went viral so fast and scared the shit out of the elite, they promptly released this after it was leaked. And YES, here’s the real pdf they say does not exist, you NEED a pdf reader to view it. Half the world says its real, the other half believes its fake. I let you decide. But whether you think its real or not the last 23,000 words cannot be denied. Knowing the military advances 50 years per our public one, is it so difficult to comprehend they have planned this since befor Morals and Dogma, since befor Sir Francis Bacon – the REAL Shakespeare, translated the bible under masonic supervision. Truly, knowing these things, is it that hard to understand they have had the past, present and future planned out for a long time. And EVERYONE knows, the BEST way to predict the future, is to CREATE it.
My prediction for the future:
I’m about to pull a William Cooper. He predicted 9/11 and I’m about to predict the next and LAST false flag that will achieve their goals. If you actually do the research you will find that their plans are in plain sight. All you must be is perceptive. Aside from Morals and Dogma, we have the Georgia Guidestones. This nice little monument out in Georgia was paid for by a mystery man who no one knows and they have been sitting there since the 80’s and only NOW are people starting to notice them. They say:
So we know they want the population reduced to 1/8th of what it is.
Then we have Janet Napolitano’s infamous speech as she left office.
AND I’m going to tell you how I believe it will happen.
You may or may not have heard of the New Madrid Earthquake of 1812. This caused the Mississippi to run backwards in places. You may have noticed that Earthquakes in the New Madrid Zone are WAY up, and last year FEMA region III was being HEAVILY prepped.
SEVERAL things should be noted.
1) In 1812 when the last one happened, fracking and natural gas extraction was not going on.
2)Fracking IS breaking the Earth’s layers, triggering earthquakes, and contaminating water all over the US, killing people silently because they refuse to believe it’s happening. People who still rely on others to decide what’s true believe it’s a hoax that the people who are victims of fracking can light their water on fire, as shown in Gaslands the documentary. I assure you, it’s true. For every conspiracy theory, there are always people call it a hoax and put out some lame information that is you really think about it usually does NOT add up anyways. It’s only meant to pacify people who dont think for themself.
3)WHEN the New Madrid is triggered again, it WILL reduce the US population. As Janet Napolitano herself said, we saw what happened during Hurricane Sandy when no one could pump gas, get water or anything else. American Blackout by National Geographic shows exactly how the unprepared will fair during this. Even preppers will have problems but I am not here to tell you what the best way for you to prep is, it really depends on where you live and what your situation is. By day three, people who never stored food or water WILL be out robbing, looting, shooting and causing problems. This is why I sort of laugh at “urban preppers” because anyone with half a brain at this point knows the cities are going to be the worst post apocalyptic nightmare you could ever imagine. To me, the PERFECT bug out spot is at least 100 miles from anyone else out in the woods. People cant walk to you, they would probably run out of gas before they got to you, and even if they made it to you, being prepared yourself – having rifles and ammo stockpiled, you can take care of any threats that present themself. That’s where a Prepping Community comes in. I am involved on one and know many other preppers who are. Because everyone knows that there is safety in numbers. We train together, know each other, trust each other and have each other’s backs. We all have preps for our families and have SHtF plans to meet up when the grid goes down.
I do want to say that I DON’T want to kill anyone. BUT I can’t store enough food to save the whole world’s population, and though we plan to take in people who can actually help, preppers are NOT going to just take you in. If you can be an asset, most communities will have you. However, the term “useless eaters” comes to mind when I think of ALL the people who have been telling me that I am crazy, wrong and paranoid for YEARS, but they’ll probably show up at my empty house (we wont be there) after SHtF, thinking they know preppers and we’ll just let them in and take care of them. Yes, we are saving seeds, we want to feed the communities we are building, and we want to help as many people as we can. Ultimately though, prepping is YOUR responsibility. YOU must take responsibility for yourself and your family, we take care of our own and expect the families in our community to do the very same in terms of storing food, water, gear, and living items like military sleep systems. If you want to know what I think you need to prepare, check out the video I did on How to Prepare for the Times Ahead.
My favorite comment on the video says “A pair of hippies just made the best video on prepping on youtube.”
4)If you still don’t take this seriously, please get familiar with these maps. You also may have noticed the hundreds of sinkholes erupting all over the US & world. There IS a reason for this, and fracking is triggering the process that will finish their agenda when the New Madrid Goes. It WILL collapse all the salt domes which are already collapsing these like in the maps and it WILL reduce the population to their desired level:
I will be the first to admit that the maps may be SLIGHTLY exaggerated. I believe Maine will be cut in half, I believe if you pick a bug out spot, it BETTER be above 1000′ sea level. Because seas are most certainly going to continue to rise and when the New Madrid goes, the mountainous regions will be above water but collapsing salt domes will be ocean. My bugout place is at 1200′ on top of a mountain and I’m going to watch it all happen from there.
5) They are ALSO storing natural gases under the ground now, and putting in the keystone pipeline to make natural gas the new thing. We all know free tesla energy exists, this is just their new way to make it look like they are trying to offer other options then “fossil fuels” except natural gas is still a fossil fuel and they are still racking in billions which is why real free energy is suppressed. I expect when the new madrid goes and all the gas lines are ruptured we’ll have a bigger problem then just the earthquakes.
Clearly, they only want the people to survive who have the “extra-perceptive abilities” to know what’s coming. I leave this information for ALL, because I believe they have TURNED OFF your abilities as much as possible so that their desired population level is achieved. Only those people who are super resistant to their tactics of deactivating your abilities are the ones preparing right now, accompanied by the people who will have places in DUMB bases, which are fully equipped for SHtF and reserve places for the people THEY want to survive. The people who have bought space or have certain genetics or work in politics or military.
Undoubtedly, when this occurs, the nation’s economy will likely at the same time collapse. Obama has already okay’d China to basically invade after the dollar dies (imminent domain). That is how the third (and final) world war will start. Civilians will NOT accept martial law OR communism. But little do most people know China already owns America, because the banks have been selling our mortgage bundles to China and other foreign investors (quantitative easing). So they are all set and ready to take us over after the collapse. The third world war will be between the free people of Earth and the people who enslave humanity. It will be the last war because people with spiritual gifts are here at this time to see that we triumph. Technology doesnt matter no matter how advanced when you are extra dimensional and can disable guns and other left brained technology with thought alone, or other gifts. (See Crystal, Indigo & Platinum children). Also, if you ARE one, please watch the Indigo Revolution by Doreen Virtue.
You and I have a part to play in all this. As I have stated, these things are yours to decide and I do not control anyone’s will except my own, nor would I want to. But YOU are in control of your will. You can be a part of the problem or a part of the solution. The solution starts with YOU seizing your own will. YOU can decide to be a victim of these things forever, til you die and you are reincarnated, and do it again, until you figure out how to leave 3d. I dont know about you guys but I dread the thought of having to relearn all this again. It took me almost 25 years just this lifetime to learn what I know now. You can be a skeptic til you experience your past lives, then you stop caring what skeptics think. It took longer in my last past life and I didnt know everything I know now which explains why I am here. My past lives led me here. I came here to leave the keys to the great work for you, as well as some other missions (to WARN you of impending disaster) which drive my life here in 3d. But my soul belongs outside of space and time and after this one, I will return to the formless.
I acknowledge that not all souls on Terra are ancient or ready for ascension from 3d. Some people are brand new here (you can usually tell), and if you are ready for ascension now, this is not your first lifetime here. Your ability to accept certain details that change your perception and density are what seperate you from a typical skeptic and soul thats new to Terra. I have moved a grain of rice with my mind (hey I’m only 25 come on, the rice was hard) and I didnt do it by going at it half assed and skeptical. You must have INNER KNOWING about these things to do them. Meaning, you must KNOW and FEEL you can. I used reiki energy I directed with my mind to do it, it was a push/pull method which I used my hands also. After I proved it to myself I didnt keep at it. It was almost as exhausting as labor, I mean to say, after I did it, I took a nap. And I had proved to the only important person that it was possible. Plus, I had other stuff to prove I could do.
However, ALSO keep in mind the very word “apocalypse” means this:
|1.||a prophetic disclosure or revelation|
|2.||an event of great importance, violence, etc, like the events described in the Apocalypse|
|[C13: from Late Latin apocalypsis, from Greek apokalupsis, from apokaluptein to disclose, from apo- + kaluptein to hide]|
As I have said, the best way to predict the future is to create it.
The plans for the ages have been in motion for a long time. The physical manifest of these plans is in our facestoday. This undeniable knowledge that something is wrong is prevalent in our society. People say, “what can I do about this?” They forget that there is a spark inside each and every one of us. That there are 9 billion people on the planet right now, and more people are ignited every day. When you see the planet, see every awakened person as a light. See all those lights lighting up the globe, and see how every person you share truths with can further light up and brighten this fire. There is no stopping the unveiling at this time. The knowledge of the ages is spreading and each person you bring to the light of truth can then go on to spread it. We wait for the breaking point. The crescendo, to critical mass, the point where more people know then don’t. Humanity will literally no longer be in the dark. Humanity is usually angry when they wake up to what has been going on. It is a natural response. I remind everyone, as this fire spreads, humanity will be like a phoenix, rising from the ashes, and instead of one person’s anger, it will be 9 billion people’s anger and pain which will drive the changes, and is driving changes right now. There are far more people being controlled then there are controllers.
This is the most exciting time you could have chosen to be alive for. It is no coincidence that suicide is at an all time high. Those who cannot handle the tearing down of old and changing into the new will not handle this well. Thus, we see record high percentages of people on anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, etc. Those who do not see and deal with and handle what is in front of them, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually will not last. This is an apocalyptic time and even the stars show this. Take this year, 2014, there are four blood moons this year. The last three times that this certain beginning of the four blood moons happened, so did great change. This year it begins with an alignment of the sun, mars and earth, a week later the first blood moon.
I notice “sacrifices” I have termed them. My birthday is April 19th, a great occult holiday for sacrifice and certain groups tend to take advantage of this time. Examples are: the Boston Marathon Bombing, and the Oklahoma City bombing. Virginia Tech was April 16th. They use this for various reasons but the effects on human consciousness are undeniable. The false flags induce fear in the human consciousness, as I have said, multiply that by the billions on this planet and you get a LOT of energy to channel and feed off. All the while they know, you cannot grow when you are in fear, and their agenda continues. We have ALL been touched by these tragedies. It is important to not see yourself or others as the victims here, these experiences are catalysts for this great change, this awakening. It forces humans to see that if you do not take control of your lives and will, then others will. It forces everyone to wake up and if we do not destroy ourselves, we will take our place in the heavens with our brothers and sisters.
When we reach this critical mass breaking point, humanity will have come full circle in a cycle of awake/asleep which we have not seen since Atlantis. The last time we were at the point was in the time of Atlantis. The question is, will history repeat itself? Will we take this knowledge and use it for our betterment OR will we destroy everything with it, including ourselves?
Never forget that there are no limits. Whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve.
It is your choice:
I leave you with this, my brothers and sisters. It is the key to freeing yourself beyond everything you’ve read in this book.
^^^^ Read for free here or on Scribd. Visit Sevan’s webpage of amazingness here. He runs the resistance website and we are here to end the tyranny for all those ready to advance beyond third density.
Of course that’s not the ending quite yet.
I spent a few months on the roller coaster of life. I found a house with Eric and the same weekend I moved in my cousin Natasha had a “come to Jesus” moment and left everything but some carry on luggage and her daughter from Texas where she was to come to Maine, her home. She tried staying with her mom for a few days. Her mother is mainly just the woman who birthed her into this world.
A little history on my mom’s side of the family:
My grandmother is from Sweden. She has been married four times and left her first family with three kids and husband in Sweden at the age of 23. She then toured around the world, speaks five languages, and met a military man in Germany. He then married her, had my cousin Natasha’s mom on a military base in Germany and ended up here in Maine. She divorced him and met my mother’s father, their home burned down in a fire and that’s how my mom’s dad died. She then met the amazing man I called my grandfather, and stand-in dad my whole life.
Natasha’s mom lost custody of Natasha when she was about six. Then she lost custody and gave up the three kids she had later on. My mom once had her police file printed off and it had everything from prostitution and drug related charges to grand theft auto and was more then several pages long. This was really the first time she had ever been around her mom in her adult life and let’s just say the stay lasted five days, I then had her and her daughter come stay at my house as I was just moving in and had an extra bedroom because we got a really big house.
It became clear that Natasha was a highly targeted individual. The day we began talking about the events that led up to her leaving her Texas life, her boyfriend decided he was leaving and driving up here too. I worked with her for quite a while on her chakras, blockages, and giving her tools to take back her life and dismiss the negative things that come across your head, whether they are your ego or outside interference. It was a lot for her to take in and I am sure she will be working on applying the tools for a while.
While we awaited her boyfriend to get up here I noticed as soon as I was at my new house, I did not want to unpack, or move more, or put things away. I missed Edward terribly. As I noticed the synchronicities in her story and my own over the past few months. I realized that my misery at the house became a gateway for negativity into myself. I let it happen. As soon as I left Edward awakened to his true self as well. I felt it was completely unfair that the person I waited ten year to become came out after I left. My leaving was a catalyst for it, but I felt used. I realized that my understanding of my past life til this point was limited, but the samskras repeating themselves in this lifetime were undeniable. I had been used again, for the purpose of awakening people. I don’t mind activating and awakening people, but I don’t like feeling like I played a role and played it perfectly which is what was said to me. Channeling can be frightening when you ask questions which you are not ready for the answers.
Taking back will is very hard and requires recognition of your own behaviors and actions. It begins by building your material plane, then the mental plane, then the emotional plane and then the spiritual plane. ALL must be put in order or none are accomplished. This is the basic yod he vav he formula.
I recognized in myself that I had lost my control over these and played into things I didn’t like.
Eve Lorgan’s work documents targeting spiritual communities. In both places my home with Justin and my house at Eric’s, we had a concentration of TI’s in the house and it was obvious when the weakest link was being targeted. When I got to my new house and her boyfriend did get there the targeting became intense. Her boyfriend was a medium, Natasha had psychic and astral powers which were undeveloped and she was being astrally abducted. Her experiences included me as well. Many times we were doing black ops missions together. One she remembered she was in a man’s super soldier suit (she told me this way before I showed her Aaron McCollum about super soldiers). For a spiritual community to work ALL the members MUST be adept at dispelling negativity and ego filled thoughts. Otherwise, you constantly have weak links.
I realized at the house with Edward’s mom I had played into what led up to our blowout. I was absorbed with anger because I was feeding it. My playing into it ruined our chance at ever making our little community work again. Now when I think about her, I am plagued by sadness. I am mad at myself for playing into this, and sad that she still does. I am sad that I couldn’t be above it, as I always professed to be. I was sad that I became vulnerable and made a detrimental, human mistake. I always considered myself above human because of the barriers I have broken through but it was proved to me that when I lose control I make human mistakes too.
I also realized as stated above, unless all members can be aware enough to not play into these energies the said community could not work. Edward and I decided we wanted to be together, to fix things. He has such a huge heart he was willing to forgive my fuck ups and make it work and have our lives and destiny back. We did realize however, we had to live alone. We couldn’t take in anyone, we burned the bridge with his family and our home there, and we just needed to rebuild our material plane.
I read my cards with my Thoth deck and the reading was incredibly clear. In the position I got the lovers card, it showed me my choice. I had the option of staying with Eric. He loved me, he was sweet, we would make beautiful memories and have a beautiful, normal life. BUT, my destiny with Edward would never be fulfilled and I would be brought back here again, in my next life to finish out my work. I had no internet at the house, my etsy store got shut down since I had no internet. I had nothing but time to focus on my own problems and deal with the harsh truths. The choice I had to make was obvious, plus it became clear Eric was a VERY normal guy, and was not EVER going to understand or be able to take advantage of who and what I am. At best, he thought I was half insane and half genius. My work with Edward was calling me, beckoning me to return to my destiny and not lose him OR destroy him. Eric deserved some nice, normal girl who wouldn’t bring craziness into his life, and I needed the only man who knew what truly lays inside me back. Luckily Edward was waiting to repossess me. Never underestimate the power of unconditional love. It defeats anger, jealousy, hate, fear, greed and anything else that tries to stand in it’s way. I can always forgive him, and no matter what he can forgive me for my human mistakes. It was another example of how fear based emotions make you vulnerable to losing the control you have worked so hard for. Keeping yourself in positive vibration is SO important, it protects you from being open to negative forces. It is the basic idea of Shiva and Shakti – creation and destruction – love and fear.
“17 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and talked with me, saying to me,[a] “Come, I will show you the judgment of the great harlot who sits on many waters, 2 with whom the kings of the earth committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth were made drunk with the wine of her fornication.”
3 So he carried me away in the Spirit into the wilderness. And I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast which was full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. 4 The woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet, and adorned with gold and precious stones and pearls, having in her hand a golden cup full of abominations and the filthiness of her fornication.[b] 5 And on her forehead a name was written:
MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT,
THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS
AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS
OF THE EARTH.
6 I saw the woman, drunk with the blood of the saints and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus. And when I saw her, I marveled with great amazement.” – Revelations 17.
- This is the Mystery of Babylon, the Mother of Abominations, and this is the mystery of her adulteries, for she hath yielded up herself to everything that liveth, and hath become a partaker in its mystery. And because she hath made her self the servant of each, therefore is she become the mistress of all. Not as yet canst thou comprehend her glory.
- Beautiful art thou, O Babylon, and desirable, for thou hast given thyself to everything that liveth, and thy weakness hath subdued their strength. For in that union thou didst understand. Therefore art thou called Understanding, O Babylon, Lady of the Night!
- Let him look upon the cup whose blood is mingled therein, for the wine of the cup is the blood of the saints. Glory unto the Scarlet Woman, Babalon the Mother of Abominations, that rideth upon the Beast, for she hath spilt their blood in every corner of the earth and lo! she hath mingled it in the cup of her whoredom.
- With the breath of her kisses hath she fermented it, and it hath become the wine of the Sacrament, the wine of the Sabbath; and in the Holy Assembly hath she poured it out for her worshipers, and they had become drunken thereon, so that face to face they beheld my Father. Thus are they made worthy to become partakers of the Mystery of this holy vessel, for the blood is the life. So sitteth she from age to age, and the righteous are never weary of her kisses, and by her murders and fornications she seduceth the world. Therein is manifested the glory of my Father, who is truth.
- (This wine is such that its virtue radiateth through the cup, and I reel under the intoxication of it. And every thought is destroyed by it. It abideth alone, and its name is Compassion. I understand by “Compassion,” the sacrament of suffering, partaken by the true worshipers of the Highest. And it is an ecstasy in which there is no trace of pain. Its passivity (=passion) is like the giving-up of the self to the beloved.)
- —The Vision and the Voice, 12th Aethyr, Aleister Crowley.
As Edward and I build our lives again, and fulfill our destiny, my book is a part of it. Each person who has found me did so because you are on my vibrational frequency. You were attracted to my light inside because the same thing burns inside you. Whether you think I am crazy or not is irrelevant, specially to me. The purpose is to give you the tools you need to unveil the truth for yourself. Begin with your chakras, and learning the planes of existence (material, mental, emotional, spiritual/earth, air, water and fire).
What I am doing here is highly frowned upon by the way, which is why I must be wary or targeting. My husband calls what I do “casting pearls before swine”. It is an appropriate analogy. Some people like to be victims of their lives, but many people here now are ready for these tools and truths, but one must self guide for years to find and accomplish these feats. I have simply laid things out for you. Your consciousness will put these things together in order as you are ready to accept these things. I will be the first to admit that even five years ago, much of this would have seemed quite farfetched for even me. Each topic requires time and energy to understand, and then you must apply the information.
I cast the pearls before the swine at the risk of being called a paranoid schizophrenic, and being judged by the world. I care not. I do it anyways. This is a golden age of light, love and truth, and that’s what will prevail. As the perceptive energies on Tiamat/Terra/Earth become more and more prevalent, the truth and fire spreads here. It’s unstoppable, and all those who cannot handle these changes are being phased out or watching it play out in fear that rules their lives. Natural selection is happening now. You can choose to ignore what I say, and suffer the consequences; or you can join us and take your place in the stars once again.
I prefer to do it now rather then later. Wasting my life is something I have always been concerned with. Isn’t it of course, life’s greater mystery? Who are we? Why are we here? How did we get here? Everyone has the free will to believe what they want, but when presented with valid and legitimate information you can see past “spontaneous evolution” and begin to decide for yourself these answers. Why are you here? What will you do now? What changes will you make and what limits will you break? Every single decision you ever made got you to this very point in time, here, wherever you are. What will you do with the information given?
I hope that it lights a fire inside you, the way a fire was lit inside me, and that you spread it and ignite it in others. The changes that are coming start on the individual level, where you become conscious and own your actions, behaviors, thoughts and emotions. When you change yourself and omit your own frequency rather then absorbing the ones around you, you become the creator of your reality. We must all become creators of our realities. We must shape the world into the way we want it to be. Demonstrating these behaviors for your children is so important too. The world has declined in morality because people are not taught morality anymore. It is something you instill in your children. School teaches obedience, doing what you are told regardless of whether it is right or wrong. Parents are supposed to teach morality; doing what is right regardless of what you are told. These are individual changes, and the path is not easy. You are faced with overcoming your inner issues which manifest as feelings which turn into thoughts which turn into behaviors and actions. The frustrating part is people who continue the cycle, then have kids, then their children continue the cycle. We see this in numerous examples, I have met people who tell me they are the way they are because their parents raised them that way and they believe they can’t unlearn behaviors. This is another form of self-victimization. The part people have the biggest problem with is realizing that they are in charge of their lives, decisions, actions and behaviors and that there are no excuses. It becomes a really big responsibility. You have a butterfly effect and everything you do and say has the effect of hurting or helping someone. You are doing one or the other regardless of whether or not you want to admit it. What are your actions saying for you? When you die will your heart be lighter then the feather? Or will it be heavy with regret?
I am here to bring you to these higher truths, to higher consciousness, awareness. I am here to be a catalyst for every person attracted to my vibrational frequency. Only the perceptive will prevail through these times of apocalyptic change and unveiling. We lead through this time, as the way showers of how life and potential can be actualized.
I find myself wishing I had a dollar for every person who has ever asked me, enraged “who do you think you are?!” That’s the point, they don’t know who or what I am, and have never experienced anything like me. I don’t get told I am full of crap because I run those people in mental circles till they admit they are the ones who are just confused and mad because they feel intimidated by me and my views and they get mad because they have no educated opinion and I do. It is said the most fierce type of person is the person who relies on solely themselves for the truth of any matter and no other person’s opinion. It is literally in my personality that I am this way. I present this information to you, I give you the choice of what to do with it. It has always been easy for me to believe what I believe and not care about what anyone else thinks, however, for many people this is a struggle. For most people, truth is determined by what is commonly believed. Walking this path means letting go of caring what anyone else thinks of you or what you know to be true. You are a way-shower in this sense. We lead the way to the new age where love, truth, liberty and abundance are the law. The way you choose to live your life is your choice alone. You can live your life in struggle, or in abundance but the choice is yours and your personal choices where you are and where you are going, regardless of whether you are aware or not. Most people sense when they are unhappy because something is missing in their life. Before I woke up I tried to fill that hole in my heart with everything from drugs, partying and sex to shopping. You can try to fill the hole but it’s still an endless hole till you have purpose for being.
It became increasingly obvious that I was paired up with Edward because of my greater destiny with him, and that I was meant to activate him, and that this was NOT our first lifetime together. Now we both remember some of our past lives (together), we are that much closer to reaching our full potential. He is my true twin flame, I plan on being happy, and whole. At last. And making lots and LOTS of orgone for my etsy shop.
I would bend time and space to spend eternity with him, and we are going to. Hopefully this book will be a good resource for others who are seeking their twin flame, and dealing with energies trying to keep true love from being consummated. It is very powerful and that’s why they will use their unlimited resources to keep it apart. Edward and I always find each other. We always will. We have unconditional love for each other. I recognize in the lifetime we were most powerful together the power corrupted us and we lost each other. I will NOT let it happen again and I am DONE playing into the manipulation that makes me lose control and lose him. There is a part of me that is just gone when he is not with me, my heart literally hurts without him. His energy feeds me and gets me high. When we make love we plug into each other and make magic. Since I was 15 years old I would tell him that when he made love to me, it was like making love to a God. He could play me like an instrument and join me in the stars, just like on our honeymoon, only now we don’t need psychedelics to achieve this. The funniest part is that women typically think sex can’t be good unless a man has some monstrous cock or looks like an Abercrombie model, they rarely realize the potential is in every person regardless of looks or size. Every man and every woman is a star. It is the electro-magnetic connection that makes the love making good or leaves the ether energy behind orgasms undeveloped. I laugh at the girl Edward tried to replace me with years ago when we were apart. He said the sex was bad because she didn’t inspire him. He said he knew then I was irreplaceable, but it isn’t just the love making that keeps him loyal to me. Some women take sex like a dog, like it is done to them, some women bloom like a lotus and participate in the equal exchange. With knowledge of chakras and tantra, you don’t need to look like a model or be any certain size to make love and experience deep love making.
What I teach in my get activated series is how to have amazing love making experiences. Throughout my life I have been called on to ignite the spark in not only men but women too. I had a girlfriend while Edward and I were separated whom I activated, giving her the first orgasm of her life at the age of 21. I use magic, tantra and energy work to connect with a person’s chakras, perform chakra surgery on them and cycle their kundelini energy through their orgasms. The trick is really feeling the other person so you don’t cycle the energy through their crown before they reach their peak. Then I teach how to ankh this energy.
A secret teaching is that of immortality, ankhing sexual energy is important and can keep you younger and healthy. Instead of cycling the energy and releasing it through your crown, you have an orgasm and absorb that energy into your heart chakra for a HUGE energy boost, literally looping the energy over your head and into your heart. Throughout history these teaching have been used and abused by various groups who knew how to harvest energy. When it’s an equal exchange the lovers participate in energizing each other, not draining each other of energy. Instead of the female being left energized and the male falling asleep after, both can be energized and filled with love and energy, both left feeling completely fulfilled. If you open your chakras together you can experience these things together, but for the experience to work well you must connect your chakras with your partner. I do *NOT* recommend doing this with anyone but your serious partner. When you connect chakras you make a connection to that person which will not be enjoyable if you were planning on letting them go or moving on or are just not in a serious relationship, if you have made connections and wish to sever the ties, I recommend a “cutting of the cords” ritual, where you willingly break the connection. Magic is not something you play with, it has consequences, good and bad. What you send out is what you get back.
Make everything you send out come from the vibration of love ~ love is what you will get in return. That is why love is the law, love under will. The only violation of the law is to interfere with another’s will. I hope this leaves you with some new perspective and the ability to fill your life with love, light and abundance and to make better, more conscious decisions wherever you go from here. ❤
April 11th 2014