Glitch The Novel- Chapter 2:Hell on Earth

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Hell on Earth is what a pizzagate survivor experiences everyday. We wake up and the same people who raped and tortured us are pinnacles of society and we, the survivors are looked down on constantly for even trying to expose our stories as truth. Most people would rather believe we are lying for fame rather than that SRA abuse still happens everyday. I say, think about what it’s like to be known and remembered for fucking pizzagate and you might think about it all differently. I promise not a single pizzagate survivor wants their name to go down in history, being remembered on wikipedia and everywhere else for being tortured into having split personalities and raped for years.

If you wonder what how I got mixed up in pizzagate I will tell you: My mother.

I did not go to comet pizza but I know how the upper eshalons of society work, there are million pizzagate places in plain site. My mother has never confessed to knowing my years of rape but there are a million memories I have now that say to therapists she definitely knew and was involved. Every therapist I have seen thinks she knew very well what was happening and it’s no coincidence she was a child protective agent, later became a supervisor of CPS for the state of Alaska.

Flashback: It’s the year 2002 and I’m standing in my kitchen having a fight with my mom. It’s 7th grade and she’s recently told me we are moving again. We are looking at houses with her new boyfriend, Ethan (who ends up being my rapist). They are out in the country. I hate moving we do it almost every year. I call her a bitch. She slaps me. I tell her I’m going to call CPS. She tells me she IS CPS. She laughs. She tells me I better be careful or she will sell me into white slavery. I laugh and tell her that’s not a thing. She assures me it is.

At first my mom worked during the day for child protective services of the neighboring county. Then my mom got a job working overnights at some mental hospital. I don’t remember her actually being around much. Ethan (my second step-father) was and still is the current linux admin for my community, he worked from home building computers. He currently lives about 10 minutes away from me. I spent most of my time with Ethan smoking pot and drinking at night. I don’t actually remember the first time it happened but the summer we moved in Ethan set up a old military tent in the backyard. He slept in it with me more nights than my mother.

I was 13 and that was the age I learned how to be a whore. I learned that you put on make-up and look pretty so you can be someone’s arm candy all the places they want to go. I learned what happened when I fought back against someone over a foot taller than me. Ethan and I often had fights, broke doors and walls and stuff in general. I learned if I wanted something I had to do something extra for it but there wasn’t much out of my grasp. They even let me join my first coven. I learned that I was blacking things out but didn’t scratch the itch. At the age of 13 my single biggest fear was that I was going to get pregnant with my step father’s child and have to have an abortion. It is no wonder I was blacking out my life. Every month I would be so very happy I actually got my period. I told myself it wasn’t happening, that it was a dream or it only happened a few times. I learned to have relationships with boyfriends who were physically and emotionally unavailable so I didn’t have to lie to anyone. Ethan laughed at all my attempts at boyfriends. Though he did tell me I deserved better on every account.

My mental trauma from Ethan was so severe I was diagnosed as severe PTSD at age 15. It wasn’t just the night terrors of him getting back together with my mom or the flashbacks, I couldn’t have normal relationships with anyone. Every guy I dated wanted to know what I tasted like and I refused to let them. When I was 17 I had a boyfriend hold me down and try and I started crying. He told me he wasn’t into raping girls. I tried to tell him what was wrong with me but it was TMI. I’d be really rich if I had $10 for every person who asked what the fuck is wrong with me and upon explanation thought it was TMI.

Ethan used to take me out of state with him to Massachusetts. We would stop at the liquor store in NH on the way down and grab wine coolers. We would get blitzed all the way there. I remember going several times but the only thing I actually remember doing was going for a walk through Boston Gardens and being on the coast. I think we took his son to a park by his dad’s house outside of Boston.  I tried to look at it like he was my older boyfriend instead of my step father. A lot of girls my age had much older boyfriends, mine was just… also my moms husband. Two people at school actually knew, who I told and swore to secrecy. One was my boyfriend. He wanted to tear off Ethan’s face. His name was Eric and I adored him. He got expelled from school for selling weed at school for his mom so they could pay the bills. When I got expelled we somehow got lucky and ended up at the same same school. He really helped me through the last of my teenage years, both him and Justin. I ended up marrying Justin though. I had 2/3 boyfriends in high school…. because I couldn’t sleep at night so I partied instead. Everyday.

If you are wondering how I escaped pizzagate well that is a very short story.

I had been anorexic, bulimic, cutting, and burning myself for almost three years before someone intervened for me. All the assholes at school made fun of me and told me I was trying to attention and I should really just kill myself already as some of them knew I had tried numerous times to absolutely no avail. I told one of my boyfriends one day I had already taken a bunch of pills. (Truth, I was doing loads of them.) I went for a walk to puke up my food. In the meantime he thought I overdosed and called the police.

I’m in an ambulance. They are asking me what I took. I promise them I took nothing. (I lied). I knew they would stomach pump me.

I’m at the hospital. A regular one. My mom is asking me why I did this. She is wearing a powder pink outfit. I tell her she knows why. She looks at me. I tell her Ethan already told me she knew.

I was never told not to tell or that someone would kill me. I was told my mother already knew and that we don’t talk about it. Her whole face turned the exact same blushy shade of pink as her stupid outfit. I can still see the (guilty?) look on her face and I still think she knew.

For me it was off to Arkham. Or, a mental hospital. I don’t remember how long I was there but it was a Catholic facility. Boys and girls were not allowed sit on the same couch or touch each other.To this day the words “group therapy” make me want to spontaneously combust and kill someone. I’d rather be in solitary confinement.

They put me on a variety of drugs that made me worse and no one cared. My mother insisted I was perfectly fine.

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I came home one day and found our trash had been torn open by animals. Right in front of me was a letter from Ethan. It suggested my mother had been seeing him in pedo prison (he only got 11 months). And that he and my mother were going to hide their relationship from me, the state and CPS til I was 18. Insert night terrors here. Confrontations with my mother become physical.

Plus after I got out of the hospital my mother had moved us, and I found in my computer a set of folders Ethan left me. In the containing hidden folder 1st folder was titled “KASEY” Inside contained a folder titled “eternally sorry for the pain I have caused.” Inside that contained a folder that just said “Gonzo” and to this day I wonder if he really was sorry. I remember him taking me to his friend’s houses, who he said “had daughters/step daughters in the same position as you.” I can remember him telling me he picked me when I was 9 and he came over to visit my mom. I remember the visit because it was the day I got my first pair of converse shoes. It all sounds extremely premeditated on possibly both his and my mother’s accounts. And it actually suggests more. I have to wonder what exactly I was being groomed for?

About 2 months later:

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I started giving my grandmother melatonin at night in hot cocoa to steal the car (laugh) 🙂 I moved in with my grandparents after my mother moved to China the country with my brother. Justin helped me discover how to enjoy sex  on my own terms. img_20170202_060907img_20170202_060957

But even though I had become free from my step father and my mother my grandparents were too old to deal with my issues leftover from my indiscretions. I just did what I wanted. My grandmother knew I was sneaking out every night but my grandfather was too old to handle extra stress so she let it go completely. I walked to my boyfriend’s houses and partied and fucked them til the sun came up. Then I’d go to school 😀 I had three boyfriends. They were all sweet. Eric always left lilacs on the car after walking me home at night. My grandparents loved it.

That is how I escaped pizzagate. My boyfriends helped me. My mom currently lives in Alaska and I hope she stays there. My father pretends I don’t exist. My grandfather is dead and my grandmother and I still maintain a good relationship. My brother claims I’m crazy and making everything up. But he was young and drugged up since age 5, he doesn’t even remember being at my wedding.

New Year’s Eve 2005 Justin and I were handfasted together. We got officially married in 2012.

My story is not unique. Many people get sold off to other humans, it is human trafficking. Sometimes they traffic people for hunting, eating, organs, to rape or to marry and breed. Sometimes even just to make that person into a supersoldier if they have talent in certain areas. This totally happens in the military too. As per Hitler’s nazi supersoldier program women are still sold off to men to clear debts or just under the table to breed out for various purposes. (Sexual exploitation is not just for women though.) Sometimes known as wife breeding in porn.  Occult investigators know to look for scars, tattoos and brands on their victims. This happens in every level of society from the bottom to the top. When my mother ran off to China, Ethan’s mother actually called my grandparents and asked where she was. She claimed my mother had stolen $10,000. I wonder why my mom would do that?……. (She instructed us to say she was in like New Zealand or something if anyone was asking.) I wonder if my mom thought all the drugs and shit they did to me in the hospital would make me forget all this 🙂

Some of the memories I pull from are Tris’ but I was already manifesting PK power by 13 so I realize both our spirits existed side by side by that time.  If Tris is the original then I had to have been placed in the body at some point. I already suspected MILAB or ET involvement. Tris and I are literally two different spirits trapped inside one body. It is hell. I can hear her, she can hear me, and we also hear people’s thoughts and other creepy shit. We disagree about a lot of things because she’s mentally about 17. My therapists thought I was a “protective alter” but I insist I am my own spirit.

November 2016:

Really fucked up shit is happening. In both the world and in my personal life.

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I unlocked a part of my brain with which appears to be a personality split off Tris at age 4/5 from some sort of abuse. She manifests literally for me. I don’t mean I’m seeing things that are not there. I mean to say she literally tortures Justin like a poltergeist if he’s mean to me, when I am angry she messes up my house like in the Stephen King novel “Carrie.” The only time in my life it’s ever been this bad was when I was going through abuse with Ethan.  And I called her Rin. After Sesshomaru’s little friend in Inuyasha. She was a demon that was created and worked together with me. I sent her after rapists I read about to test out my limits with her. The day I knew she was real I went to pee and she literally handed me toilet paper, like picked it up from the edge hanging and handed it me. I suddenly felt like Tyler Durdan. I suppose giving her a name helped manifest her to be real. Maybe she’s a demon, maybe she’s a manifested split of Tris’s soul, but my family knows she’s real. The scary part is I DO NOT control her, she’s got quite the homicidal mind of her own. My family lived with her and she loves them… well except Justin. I even let someone borrow her, but we havn’t introduced him just yet. We are getting there though. I like to think he’s my own Sesshomaru, because he’s older and wise. His knowledge makes him a little terrifying but his character underneath is loving and kind. Rin loved him right away. In fact she has not returned to me since she decided she liked him so much 😀

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I’m getting trapped in my dreamworld. For up to 14 hours at a time. I even know I’m dreaming I just can’t get out. I have dreams about people I trust trying to carve sigils into my body. I have dreams about being trapped in the Underworld. My family has to slap me awake because I’m screaming in real life but I can’t wake up. I’m having trouble doing regular things, like laundry or cooking or anything other than sleeping and researching. My facebook group is on a tear. Pizzagate comes out, wikileaks drop, everyone is sending me information I’m trying to share as fast as possible and also keep several backups as I possess enough material to take down the world’s governments, thanks to whistleblowers and Julian Assange, NYPD and years of compiling evidence. Women everywhere are trying to speak out about rape and pizzagate and the Trump rape culture we now live in. I try. I’m still switching personality time with Tris. I ask her to ghost write part of my first chapter of this book, she does.

One night before Trump was even elected we struggled to get the Trump-Epstein rape case affidavit posted to facebook (it was being blocked), and pizzagate was killing her. I’d let her write this part but she hasn’t been back since. She made up her own ritual and said that she would surrender her body to absolutely anything that would get justice for what was done to her, and us. And I have been here since. I can still hear her, but like the bathtub incident, she gave up the control so we no longer have a struggle. For now.

It IS still, however, unfair we are both trapped in here.
Yes, I do want to be separated.
I am hoping to ascend out of this meat suit.

In the midst of realizing people did not care that we have pedos running for president and in fact denied the possibility of it being true; Tris and I decide if Julian Assange is right and this pedo ring apocalypse coming to light brings down the world governments and economies and causes the temporary collapse of society as we know it…. neither of us gave a fuck anymore. We are both sickened by people who act like our life being ruined and fucked with is some kind of entertainment to judge. We decided a great amount of spineless people probably deserved to die anyways.

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I have literally never been consumed with so much darkness as the weeks before Trump was elected. The whole world could have burned around me and I would have laughed. My husband and I were having horrible fights because I couldnt have sex with all the memories pizzagate was triggering and that was beginning to strain our relationship. I felt like the world was going to hell and I was going with it.

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This is how I got kicked out of lodge:

In my halfway hysteria, I had been avoiding going to lodge for several months because the people running my lodge were voting for the pedophiles I was exposing. When I brought my problems to my lodgemaster, asking for help and well as demanding answers I was told I was insane. I challenged him to a magickal dual to prove I was not and he banned me from lodge and then blocked me on facebook. I halfway expected the treatment I got so I was not that sad or surprised. I suppose I was just looking for a reason to leave the people who gave me 100 reasons not to trust them.

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And so there it was, I was alone again… my two years of work in OTO done. I slid my ring off my finger and put it away. I barely felt a thing. I probably should have listened to that strange guy who messaged me a year ago and told me OTO would be nothing but trouble for me. But I thought he was crazy or something. I get a lot of bizarre messages. But I’m thinking about that. I wonder who he really was because all the things he said he was right about. Even though I was too young and stubborn to listen.

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I’m scrolling through my facebook wall one random day before the election and I’m lightly trolling idiots. I come across a post and I wrote in the comments that everything going on other than pizzagate did not matter and that he should be paying attention to that instead. I didn’t think anything else about it.

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I later check my notifications and this guy comments on my pizzgate protest event. Oh yes, I had protest for pizzagate at my state capitol before the election even happened. No one really came because no one really cares. But my family and I had a good day holding up #stophumantrafficking signs and a lot of people responded well to the message. I can assume it helped since now mostly everyone knows what pizzagate is. Anyways, this guy …. he leaves me a comment since I suppose he saw me arguing about why I’m a Luciferean. What does he say?

He says “I’m Ambassador Vholïk from the year 2106″ followed by a long discussion on how he’s shot down UFO’s and pizzagate and how this all involves some cosmic war that has been going on for a very long time. And he really reminds me of this other guy I had been talking to. I’m intrigued.

I listen to supersoldier talk all the time, and I’m a UFOlogist at heart, I find myself completely intrigued because all his answers just lead to 100 more questions. So I add Ambassador Vholïk to my group and I make him an admin since he seems to know way more than me and every time I talk to this guy, I learn new things. I don’t know who this guy really is, but I really like him so far. I call him Craig and Jedi Master Sir.

I add him to our group admin chat and he starts teaching us all these amazing things. He shows us how to build God technology, or zero point systems, laser weapons, he’s talking about quantum computers and time travel. I suddenly have a million things to do and research. He appears to know the future(s) and is constantly right about how things will play out. I find myself staying up all night just so I can ask him all the crazy questions no one has any answers to.

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I start…. feeling…. better.

I’m suddenly more able to be up in the morning, to do the laundry, to cook dinner and be optimistic. I’m enjoying life more. I’m finding ways to have fun again. I’m putting on make up because I want to look nice and not wearing give up on life pants everyday.

I’m hiding most of this from my husband because I’m pretty sure he’s going to go ballistic at how much deeper down the rabbit hole I’m going. Justin hates it when the things I know put us in danger. But I have become used to the fact that’s just my life. I figure I’ll have to tell him at some point but that’ll be a bridge to cross when he cares enough to look into what I’m doing or gets jealous I’m talking to someone else. I give it three weeks.

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Now, it isn’t that I stopped loving my husband. The fact of the matter is that I am here in a body with another spirit, and she loves Justin. I share her feeling as I share the body. I know their memories. But I have always, and I DO mean ALWAYS, felt like I don’t belong here. I was the part of us that always snuck out at night as a teenager and got into trouble. I was the part of us that is always looking for something more because I do not belong here. Two spirits are NOT supposed to exist in the same body it’s fucking unnatural. I don’t care much anymore where I go as long as I can escape this life of knowing everything and seeing it from the outside. I wanted to join the air force and Justin wouldn’t let me. It’s not that he’s a villain. It’s that he cares about me and wants to protect me more than anything. I sort of just want to go have crazy adventures. I want to time travel and scuba dive the Nile, and go to the moon. I’m a spirit that will never be satisfied being someone’s princess. But Tris, the other spirit is. She is stuck in the back of my mind waiting for me to finish my work so I can be moved on and she can have the body back. I spent the last 5 years studying ascension not because I wondered if it could be true but because I wanted OUT.

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And so here comes this mysterious stranger, Ambassador Vholïk. I can’t tell if he’s a man in black, or an ascended master, or a supersoldier, or all three. When I tell him my problems he helps me find solutions. He starts working with me on being a clear channel instead of letting all the voices kill me all the time. I still use music and earbuds to tune out voices all the time but I hear everything clearer. Even him in my head sometimes. I can tell when I am hearing someone’s thoughts because I hear what they think and then they say it. If I am around someone I try not to say “what?” if I hear something weird because then I get the crazy look of “omg she just heard what I was thinking!” He’s amazing and smart, I really like him and I know my husband’s going to hate this. But he’s helping me become better when everyone thought I would only get worse.

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And suddenly I’m wondering… Is this why I’ve been studying ascension for years now and was guided all my life to the information that would free me from this crazy dilemma?
And my husband still doesn’t seem to understand at this point that I’m obsessed with magick to fix myself. I feel bad that I can’t just be happy and enjoy life like everyone else seems to. I try to, but at the end of the day I’m researching Saint Germain and DNA and meditating to other worlds.

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I decided that even if I had to go to the aliens or ascended beings themselves who were probably responsible for this that I wanted out and I wanted to give Tris her life back. This was a private decision. I didn’t tell Justin because I knew what he’d say. He’d say he loved me and he wanted us both to stay and I’d tell him being in my shoes is very hard and he couldn’t possibly understand. I love him, and my family. But I don’t belong here like this. It’s not good for anyone. I needed help and everything else including western medicine had already failed. I knew Justin would be not be happy I was trusting someone else to help me and so for all these reasons, I remained quiet about everything. People acted like they were disappointed I couldn’t just live a normal life and they have no idea the first thing about “my life”……. So I just kept quiet and waited for people to ask the right questions. Sometimes they do. Sometimes I do too.

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I am left feeling like I am not allowed to have my own feelings so I keep them a secret. People don’t like how I feel so I don’t tell them. I disappoint them with my attitude and the words that escape my mouth. People want me to feel and act a certain way so I try. It’s never really enough though. But Tris is good at it. I am just apologetically me. That’s why I don’t fit into a world of fake people.

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Craig said that I will have what I am looking for when I’m done my mission here. I set to work trying to finish what I have left to do even though I wasn’t sure where the end even was, but I didn’t much care as long as I got out of this meat suit trap. I sensed it had something to do with exposing pizzagate as that’s what I was working hardest on since before Trump was elected. It seemed most important.It was the worst thing for my personal life and the hardest path to take so I figured playing by “God”‘s frustrating rules it would be the most rewarding someday.

I used to hate waking up everyday on this planet but when Craig came into my life something in my heart sparked again. Suddenly I could feel the warmth of my daughter’s hugs and the love coming from her little heart for me. Some people might call it post partum depression or something but after my breakdown and the bathtub indecent (see chapter 1), I lost my foster daughter, my niece Charlie… and I felt like the worst parent ever. I think I gave up on being alive for a while. The year of 2016 just killed me. It was like this amazingly weird internet relationship brought me back to life. Everyday I had new questions to ask him and things to research and learn and do. The progress from it made me…. happy. He made me happy. And so it was that a strange relationship was formed between me and someone I didn’t actually know… but I really really wanted to.

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And then one day I realized it. I realized the thread I was pulling, and I knew people were scared of what I was doing because the truth behind pizzagate is an apocalypse waiting to happen. And it all related back to the lengthy cosmic war that Ambassador Sir was trying to tell me about and Earth was smack in the middle of. It dawned on me that the people loyal to pizzagate (and the numbers are fucking huge), are sacrificing children to ancient Gods and traditions as well as eating the population they have been inhabited here for a very long time inside the Earth. Our planet is awaiting a war between the evil Draconian ETs who are eating us everyday as well as trafficking, and the humans  and hybrids who want to be free.

When you open your third eye, in my opinion it’s like being schizophrenic. You see all the cracks in between this reality and the others. I tried to study shamanism, occultism east and west to not go completely insane and end up in a mental hospital. It took me a ton more research to figure out a new theory.

Lucid dreaming is the first step to merging the unconscious mind with the conscious part. I theorize it may be a catalyst in fusing the 24th chromosome leading to an evolutionary jump in history. Why? Because I THINK I now understand lucid dreaming and sleep paralysis. In the minutes before you wake up from a dream, SOMETIMES the body becomes trapped in a terrifying state where the body is reacting in real life with eyes open, BUT the dream world is STILL overlaid. What happens if you end up like me, not sleeping, insomniatic, and start living in that world ALL THE TIME? You end up in the state – being conscious and experiencing the UN-conscious. And that’s only the START.

Why would you go and do a thing like that?

Because human DNA was shut off one set of chromosomes when we were genetically engineered. Why? Because Earth was turned into a soul trapping matrix planet. And this body, has TWO souls in it, and neither of us are happy about it. I’m sure Tris would like to be gardening and having tea parties. And me? From the time I was looking at stars and finding Orion I wanted to get off this planet. Endless car trips looking at the night sky left me wanting to return to the cosmos. I remember camping and seeing UFOs by the time I was 8 so I was hoping eventually one of them might just pick me up.
…… I should have been careful what I wished for.

I had no way of knowing that the only beings who need to use UFOs are 5th dimensional which means they have not “ascended” to 6th dimensional light bodies. That doesn’t mean the are evil, but they are helping us to help themselves; at least the ones who aren’t eating us. From what I understand these beings cannot ascend until their mission helping us be freed is done because they played a role in enslaving us to begin with. Wars were fought over Earth.

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And I had lived my whole life being told by hippys to love the Earth, but I never really had much relationship with it. Gravity was the only thing keeping me here in my opinion. I knew I had been trapped here for many incarnations and I remembered some. I gained access to the Akashic records beginning in 2012 when I started communicating with Thoth. Sometimes it felt like me and the Earth were complete polar opposites. I realized that it was genetic library of every soul’s experiences here. And still, all I wanted was to never come back to it. Not until it was done being a slave planet.  I grew up loving Joseph Campbell and the Hero’s Journey and when it came down to it, I really hated my own. I stopped trying to commit suicide when I realized I’d be reincarnated into the hellhole until I ascended out. And that meant finishing my mission, my hero’s journey. Even though it fucking sucked. I HATE the things I have to remember. But maybe I can learn to hate it less if what I do helps make Earth not a slave planet anymore.

And here I was: feeling much like Lucifer himself after being kicked out of heaven.

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And finally, at my darkest point I realize: God is a fucking asshole. And it is also awaiting all things to return to the all encompassing Prime Creator/ Original Thought. Did any of us actually ask to be created in the first place? I’m pretty sure prime creator was just experimenting when he created the beings that rule heaven and/or were cast out. And in turn, some of them engineered us. I’m going to be the first to say I really do not agree with “God’s” rules of who enters heaven. I hate feeling like I was created to be any of the God’s entertainment and/or science project. Or WORSE: That everything I do was predestined and I’m playing out something I have no freewill in. And most humans are so materially focused they can’t and won’t even acknowledge this even if they sense there are a great many things which seem to prove the truth. Buy another distraction, eat, breed, obey. And if you can’t be happy doing that, well, there’s just something wrong with you (and pills for that).

But even my part in this, wanting to escape with countless others… that’s just a part in the grand design too. After all, how else does the alpha point in the universe get to the omega point on one linear timeline?

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And underneath it all, even though I felt detached from human form…. I still felt connected to them…humans. And beyond that…. more than ever, I wanted to free them. And myself.

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Trump was elected president, the New year 2017 rang in…. and as the world discovered Pizzagate, I was learning battle magick, occult science, and falling in love again; despite the fact my brain couldn’t find a way to make it all work out. Every time I visualized an outcome for the situation it didn’t end well for someone.

And so I finally told myself, I didn’t want to choose between either of the people I loved. Whoever wanted to walk out of my life, well, that was on them. And I wasn’t afraid of ending up alone either. I’ve been alone with what I know my whole life on Earth. And it has sucked to say the least but it’s not new. I love being alone. I have thought to myself many times I wanted to buy a piece of property and have a small house for myself off grid, just so when I needed alone time I could get away. I’m starting to think I just need a Tardis.

In truth what I really wanted was both of the people I loved to work with me to save the inhabitants of Earth. To me, nothing else was as important.

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I felt quite certain my husband loved me enough to realize I loved both of them. And enough to share my heart with someone who deserved it. As hard as it might be for him.

FNaF / Sister Location / Pizzagate

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[DISCLOSURE]

The following post is written by a pizzagate survivor (see my previous work and books, youtube videos, ect.) and is a collaboration of work with my 9 year old daughter who spent the last two years showing me Five Night’s at Freddy’s and none of the Comet Ping Pong references clicked until Sister Location came out. I knew very well that as a multiple with DID, I identified with the animatronics being stuck in suits, as well as having Monarch programming and having actually read my programming manual several times, I knew FNaF couldn’t be some kind of coincidence. But I was still missing something until Sister Location came out. I hope that this article shows the years of work I put into finding out what happened to me, and all the people who have been replaced, killed, raped and eaten by the real vampires of the world. I hope this expose sheds light where many have questions. I may be one of the only people alive currently who has survived this and lives to talk about it. And to be honest no one really cares and everyone says I’m just insane most of the time. Local media will not cover pizzagate related info no matter how much I try to send them information and that includes my local elected officials. I know exactly how Cathy O Brian feels. And I’m about to sound as crazy as Donald Marshall, but I cite my research.

On that note:
This blog is the product of my own compiled research and these opinions are my own. My research  does not imply that the cited authors share these views or agree with me as all of us UFOlogists, researchers, and experiencers see information from our own perspective and from that, is our work our own. This work is my own opinion from my OWN experience.

“Below the Surface” – Sister Location song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzG5E2NiZO8

First I should state my research.
Flash backwards a few months before the election. I have in my possession a copy of the Trump – Epstein Rape affidavit. Anyone who thinks it’s bullshit probably does NOT know who Jeffery Epstein is, or what Lolita Express is, or Orgy Island or how Elitist’s own private rape and torture islands, these are the same kinds of places that children are trafficked to and raped, hunted and/or eaten. Both Trump and the Clinton’s are way involved. I can’t add links to the information I have because my information comes from the original wikileaks and NYPD leaks that were taken off the internet within hours of making it there. I just happened to have found copies at the same times time they were being released, some were sent to me. I have a file folder full of these documents that I copied from the internet into a large file. These files have been uploaded to my private facebook group for all members to possess and view and judge for themselves. I can add the image files here.

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^^^^ Almost ALL of my pizzagate posts were removed from facebook wall but did and do remain in my private group.

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^^^^ Facebook WOULD NOT ALLOW me to post the copies of the Trump/Epstein rape affidavit and after a half hour of fighting facebook and taking the file from a different source I got it uploaded but no one really cared.

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^^^I was sent that threat almost two years ago. The whole thing was a staged post, which was posted in my group.  I honestly don’t know what happened there were two accounts for this guy in my group and all of a sudden one day this weird shit happened and it was a trick to delete him from group because there were two accounts. As I have read Robert’s work and liked it I couldn’t understand what I did to piss him off. To this day I don’t know if it was really him or not. But I thought I would post the strange threats I have received.

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^^^^Many of you will recognize THIS name. I am sure he will try to sue me over this or something, but good luck Agent Smith.

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Now what I have to add is that when wikileaks was seized by our government, they knew Hillary would not make it office after the NYPD and Clinton trafficking leaks, BUT BOTH candidates running ARE involved. SO the first thing they did when the leaks dropped was alter and retract many leaks to make it look like Clinton was the only one involved and take the spotlight off Trump involvement so the election could proceed and Trump was then a shoe in for the few idiots left voting. I have retained copies of much of this information and it has been posted elsewhere online and in my group. They basically pulled off a HUGE damage control campaign in the last weeks of the election. They are STILL doing damage control EVERY SINGLE DAY. They are fighting every single day for this information to not make it to the public eye. The few ignorant people swayed by television/ media are the last of the herd who don’t understand this information. But even the ones who know are too afraid to do anything for the most part. We don’t want to end up like poor Kyle Odom.

Everyone who knows what I know is counting on me to expose these things, so here they are like it or not.

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Back to FNAF – Missing Links.

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Comet Pizza/ Comet Ping Pong NEVER had only one location. In fact according to the FBI files I viewed there are three locations in Washington DC which form a triangle on the map. The are easily spotted with their esoteric symbols all over the front of the location. Why the esoteric symbols to identify?

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^^^Chaos magick much? I’ll have to decipher this with paper later.

comet

[5037 = prime numbers] moon and stars like some other organizations 😉

This gets complicated but I’ll try to make it short. Look up “Public Disgrace” porn on the internet. Once you see it you’ll realize the women being raped and tortured look pretty drugged up for one, and it is an elitist mansion setting for two (unless you are viewing the ones made in public in Europe). Most of the time people wear masks, but here’s what people miss. Pay attention to their rings and tattoos, ect.

I had to leave my OTO lodge when I became paranoid that high level occultists from VARIOUS secret societies were creating “Monarchs” (see “Moonchild” by Aleister Crowley, both chapters called How to weave the threads for the butterfly net and the following chapter)  Moonchild is an instruction manual. Of course my lodgemaster told me I was insane and I was banned from returning. I also challenged him to magickal dual to prove I wasn’t insane and he turned me down. In my opinion, lower level masons, magicians and pyramid people in general have no idea what the fuck is actually going on at the top. But I am pretty damn sure I do. None of those girls being abused will recover their memories of that for at least 10-20 years EXCEPT the ones who cooperate willingly. It is my opinion that Peaches Geldof was killed for finding this out as well. I recognized the rituals and trigger words, veils and dissociation tactics because I have already been recovering my memories from my abuse as a teenager where I was drugged and raped repeatedly and had very limited  memory until this last year. I’m not sad I can’t return.

markiplier

-Markiplier

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My ultimate fear:
At area 51 and various underground bases there are cells for uncontrollable hybrids with incredible psi power. Anyone who is “made” who they cannot control they lock up there “Suicide Squad” style. Area 51 connects to the real underworld and inner earth races of beings.

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The idea of the spirits being stuck in animatronic suits is exactly how people with MPD/DID feel everyday. We don’t know how long we will stay, sometimes we’re here sometimes not, but triggers act as “springlocks.” We feel like we’re stuck in human suits. Hybrids are cross-bred humans, everyone is a hybrid. In Illuminati family lore it is believed the more pure your bloodline is the more powerful you are. I think this is backwards. I think this entire problem exists because pure blooded, incestuous vampires run the world right now. I think hybrids are the answer to the problem. A hybrid is probably MORE powerful than a pure blooded reptilian vampire. They never want anyone to figure that out though or their reign will end. I truly and honestly believe that I was being groomed to be an evil nazi supersoldier. But I found out the truth and I’d rather die exposing it than live safely pretending I’m ignorant. There is no amount of “hush money” that would shut me up.

THE MISSING LINK to FNAF:

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What does FNaF and pizzagate have to do with each other as far as being replaced goes?

Reptilians undergo a replication process. This is my understanding of it from what I have experienced.

Some people are traumatized at birth via surgery, ect to induce splits in the brain from infancy. Some people are abused in early childhood, some as teenagers, some later in life. Whenever these splits happen, during the abuse via ritual or during sleep via ET/MIB interference, an archon fragment is programmed and inserted into the person (reptilian cell). The human body may now contain two aethyric spirits. As there is only body, typically both will fight for control over it until one has complete control.
This happens two ways:
1) A tok’ra like relationship is formed between both spirits. They might switch off having time in the body, but live symbiotically. One may even give up complete control and live as a ghost yet still aethyrically connected to the body.
2) A gou’ald type dominant spirit will kill the original host because in a full replication process a reptilian would entirely take the place of the original host including all memories of the host and the reptilian spirit’s original memories AND psi abilities.

It is no wonder over 80% of people diagnosed as DID attempt multiple times to commit suicide. Western medicine may as well be a cover up of the truth. I sense that A LOT of people are infected with archons and don’t even know what’s happening to them. I sense that is why so many people enjoy Five Night’s at Freddy’s.

I must quote from masters in the field of UFOlogy:

The Reptilian Replication Process as Described by Carolyn Hamlett as compiled by Eve Lorgen :

In the below excerpted material Carolyn shares her knowledge about what she was told by her “alter personality” named Andrew, who was specifically designed and created to work with and interact with the Reptilians as well as the “Mob”. An alter personality was created in her through specific trauma and mind control programming by dissociation, which is well known and common knowledge of those who have been in ritual abuse and MK Ultra.

“…When Andrew was “out” as the “front alter” or “front personality”, he took things a step farther.  Andrew had the ability to shape shift and would often change our body to look like himself, a 6’ 2”, well-built Italian looking young man in his early 20’s.  Few people knew what he was.  Andrew was such a strong personality that those who knew what he was, would actually let that slip their mind. “

EL: Carolyn also mentions as an aside of being in the “Merovingian Bloodline” and this being a possible reason for the interest of Grays and Reptilians in her life:

“If I am from the Merovingian bloodline as I suspect because of certain family surnames and family crests, this could account for Andrew knowing how to deal with Reptilians and maybe why they dealt with him. Perhaps that part of me was funneled into Andrew. This also could account for the Grey’s interest in me.

EL: According to Carolyn the Reptilians were originally created by the Nephilim, engineered as a type of “supersoldier” that would do battle for them in physical and other dimensional realms. The problem is that the Reptilians apparently turned on their creators and went off on their own, doing what they do best, fighting, conquering, exploiting, controlling and killing, consuming life force etc. Carolyn says there are three main factions of reptilians, although I personally have heard of more than that, with varying qualities, some more fierce and malevolent than others.

“Reptilians have the ability to grow back a body part.

Everything is expendable to a Reptilian.

If a Reptilian is killed that he can be completely replicated along with his original consciousness. In that sense, they never die.

They love to eat human babies and will even steal babies that are to be used in Satanic sacrifices.

Satan sees Reptilians as “useful idiots”.

Some Reptilians live in underground caverns here on earth.

They grow their own human children food supply.

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They can be inter-dimensional. Sometimes you can smell them like a heavy presence, but not see them. They don’t always want you to see them. Sometimes they like their victims to see them because they like the taste of adrenaline in the blood.

*In reverse speech analysis where “deep subconscious truth” comes out in people’s reverse speech recordings, and through EVP, it was found consistently that Reptilians in particular have created the matrix prison planet system on this Earth to manipulate religions and inhabit the lower astral realms, feeding on life source, souls and  recycling souls who are “trapped here” in the Net that they have artificially engineered. Supposedly the Reptilians originate from Orion. This Net however, is due to be dissolved with the arrival of Planet X Peggy says. And, according to researcher Kameran Faily, a whistleblower that Kerry Cassidy has interviewed on Project Camelot several times (See: http://aftertheshift.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-talk-about-planet-x-starts-around.html)
has essentially said the same thing: When Planet X enters our solar system and gets closer and closer, our own “net of control” and inter dimensional lower astral control system will eventually collapse, creating mayhem from hordes of lower inter dimensional entities, demons, reptilian etc until they are eventually forced out. Only after this transitory phase will Earth’s “net” and artificial matrix grid be cleared out.

EL: A few private client reports of mine told me that they were shown in underground installations, how small young “Ayran children” were being grown up and stored in cages just for the purpose of feeding certain reptilians.

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Reptilians are very psychic and can detect someone’s presence or even their intention. Reptilians are extremely reactive, volatile and dangerous as Carolyn/Andrew testifies. I  spoke to a few psychic abductees many years ago who were asked to remote view reptilians and their bases, after which they were severely psychically attacked because their remote viewing presence was detected. If someone wants to remote view them they must use very good shielding techniques and protection. Astral tagging is very commonplace and reptilians are masters not only in the astral but also with kundalini sexual energy manipulations. They can create “love bite connections” and activate kundalini energy in someone or both partners and then feed off that energy. It’s so common I don’t need to write about it in this post.

Springtrap and Mangle by TonyCrynight ..

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“It took the energy of a combined twin flame union of two humans, coupled with what Satan’s spiritual hierarchy calls “the 5th fire initiation” to open up the portal where many of Satan’s highest and most powerful were waiting to be able to gain entrance into our 3rd dimensional earth.

They needed humans to open up that portal because Satan does not have the spiritual authority to open that portal. 

Quick explanation: Although Satan and his fallen are powerful, they do not have the “natural born” spiritual authority that humans were created with. It’s just a fact. The human spirit is different than all other created creatures. The human spirit has what I call “the God code”. We have an essence of God the creator Himself as His children.”

EL: This is the real deal, and I believe many “milabs” and even “experiencers of alien encounters” who have had astral visitations are experiencing these unions and are directed by their “milab handlers” and/or ET guides in the astral to participate without full consent and awareness in these kinds of activities. The portal opening seems to occur spontaneously in some cases— as can immediate “bilocation” of the unionized energy bodies of the twin flame couple to another dimensional reality. I have had at least one report of this. It can also happen in the physical, where a portal opens up or is created via a tantric type of soul mate union and ritual. Often times when a portal or other dimensional reality opens up through the higher energies and consciousness of the couple, it’s spontaneous, and not directed by a ritual. And is not EVIL per se. It’s just part of the side effect of the energies created through these kinds of tantric unions.

There is also the lack of clarity and definitions of what a real soul mate and twin flame is. For the most part, those people thinking they have a twin flame and are experiencing classic Love Bite/Dark Cupid symptoms, is not a real twin flame, but a manipulated soul connected relationship usually in the astral. For more information and clarity on types of unions and twin flames, see Lisa Rene’s glossary definition of Hieros Gamos unions: http://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Hieros_Gamos

I view extreme religiosity as a mind control program specifically designed to be a “containment” of damage control from the ones who designed these systems of control. For example, I have known for years that the Illuminati Bloodline rulers have a saying about what happens to their “runaways”: Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

 

Reptilian Replication Process as described by Carolyn:

How do Reptilians reproduce or replicate?

“They hijack other life forms. They prefer to use humans.

They use a method called “twinning” which they learned from the Nephilim. Twinning is kind of like cloning. They create a type of clone from a piece of the original Reptilian, but upon birth, it begins to gather to itself it’s own experiences.

Life is in the blood. Blood cells are like a slice of themselves and are the type of cells used for twinning.

Their blood cells contain the blue print of everything they are, including their genetic memory, life force, intellect etc. This can be switched on for full memory or partial. Full memory would be a replica of the complete memory of the original. They don’t like to have a complete twin made because there is an identity competition. One would kill the other.
Reptilians are very competitive. A clone would kill the original because the clone would want to BE the original.

Original post by Eve: http://evelorgen.com/wp/articles/military-abduction-milabs-and-reptilians/the-reptilian-replication-process-as-described-by-carolyn-hamlett/


Excerpt from my favorite book with endless amounts of knowledge on related subjects:

The Secret Rituals of the Men in Black by Tau Allen Greenfield:

TRW: The strangest thing is in figuring out why the UFOnauts abduct people, and what stops them from doing so. Since magical ritual contacts them and banishes them, we know either that they are magical beings, or magick is a technology, or both. But when I started working with Reichian technologies the Knights of Malta would give their fortunes to have, I noticed something most strange. UFOs can be disintegrated by Reichian energies.

AHG: Well, that’s strange, but hardly new; Reich himself said he did that in the ‘50s.

TRW: Right. But consider what Reich worked with. He called it “Orgone Energy” which was a direct outgrowth of his work with Freudian Psychotherapy. Up through a certain point, he was an orthodox Freudian, until he discovered that the very energies that Freud addressed in psychological terms were explainable as a Universal Energy or Current, a kind of ‘orgasmic flux’ inherent in the universe, which could be channeled, quantified and, apparently, used to shoot down flying saucers.

Orgone Energy, it seems to me, is identical to the Love/Will current of Aleister Crowley’s Book of The Law.

AHG: Wait a minute. Are you telling me that the energy behind human libido destroys Ultraterrestrial craft?

TRW: “They drink our fear, like hungry ghosts. To drink instead our love is death unto them and their kin.”


The level of involvement between the inner Nazi cadre – particularly the Death’s Head SS and the Gray Aliens is profound. Their secret initiation called “The Stifling Air” actually involved contact with so-called “deep Aliens” who cannot breathe our atmosphere. In any case, the Aliens actually had no vested interest in the Nazis or any other group of humans, who they fear and despise.

Their only purpose is to retard human evolution in any way they can, because an evolved humanity, they feel (rightly or wrongly), will one day not only defeat them on the Earth, but will unseat them among the very stars.

So, among us are agents of dissension, of crackpot schemes and nightmarish ideas. They terrorize the unwary, try cutting deals with Earthly governments, and avoid those Guardians – that is humans already evolved into Higher Beings – who they are no match for.

All that I have learned in UFOlogy, where I started out looking for “advanced beings from other planets” like everyone else – has taught me that we humans are, in potential, the most advanced, developed beings in the galaxy.

The positive aliens are here not to help, but like the Magi in the Nativity Story, to witness the birth of The New Being.

The Grays, insectoids and other vampiric nightmares from dying stars are here to suck out a little of the life energy that they themselves have so little of, and to delay the inevitable evolution of humanity triumphant.

Mark Probert’s 16 Guardians are merely the first.

We, as they tell us, and as intercepted cipher messages have told me and all with eyes to see, will someday be the Coming Guardians ourselves.

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/cienciareal/men_in_black.htm

***Exerpt from book shared with permission from Tau Allen Greenfield.

To buy a copy click < HERE >:


My guess is that Five Nights at Freddy’s will never be the same to anyone who reads this post ever again.

I can’t believe it took me so long to figure it all out. The songs were stuck in my head with how much they resonated with me. I suppose a lot of people feel that way.

So then, if we look inside of us, and outside at the world around…what do we see? Are the demons external or internal? Will this turn into a crazy witch hunt in the near future and will people be hunting down members of their own communities and governments? Well, that is my opinion indeed. That’s what it looks like from where I sit. More people wake up and investigate for themselves everyday, they share the research, and in a beautiful butterfly effect people are starting to talk about what they think is REALLY going on beyond ALL the puppet governments of the world.
I could be wrong about ALL of this but I have a pretty wild theory.

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The world is already ruled by evil NWO reptilians and ETs, we have been being eaten, disappeared and missing for what I believe to be hundreds of thousands of years, as they bred our species for consumption or when the Gods left last time (possibly during Ancient Sumer/Babylonia/old kingdom Egypt). Which btw, in my research I came across some information suggesting elitists prefer children under 4 due to the fact older humans are so riddled with vaccines they become poisonous to eat. So if like me you don’t vaccinate because you also know the truth about that, protect your children – no understatement.-

If you happen to also notice psi abilities in your cute little hybrids, they probably take after their parents. In my experience psi abilities are our inner defenses that can be focused and perfected. If there are a great many of us, good hearted nephilim children who experience this….and I know there are! We are right now becoming our own Christ saviors, ascended masters, higher selves, guardian angels, and saviors of humanity. We become humanity triumphant itself. Though religious texts tend to cast judgement, I have to believe that the fallen angels who bred with the daughters of men might have had bigger plans than enjoying their beauty. Perhaps we are a stage in evolution we are only beginning to understand. Perhaps there are good and bad dragons. Perhaps not everything is as it appears.

I believe we are the return of Christ, the return of the Gods, and the solution to the pizzagate problem. I refer to this time in history as “the pizzagate apocalypse.” It is apocalyptic, and so will the reaction be of the masses as they piece this together. How much longer can we justify going to work everyday and sleeping tight knowing this information? In the NYPD leaks I possess they had over 70,000 judges and heads of state involved in pizzagate INCLUDING Trump implicated. That is a massive and monumental fact. I truly believe “starseeds” and other people drawn to this fringe information have answered a higher calling to come here to Earth at this time, and help Earth and humanity ascend and fulfill many spoken of prophesies.

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I read somewhere that Twin Flames rarely incarnate at the same period in time because the unity between twin flames here on Earth would mean the return of Shiva/Shakti, Amon-ra/Amunet, Isis/Osiris and so on and so forth. And then I thought about what I was seeing happen all over the world. I began to wonder… would they finally make it? Would they be born, Gods who could handle all of this, and would they start out as people. And would they replicate inside of us. And would someone be able to embody the personification of the Gods? Are they taking over humanity? Is that actually a bad thing…. I mean look at the state of the world? If it did happen would it mean that someone would have to survive all the odds, have perseverance, never give up, never stop looking for love, and that love might just be what would save humanity, or what’s left of humanity to ascend out. [See book titled “Earth: A Spiritual Trap” by Maggador Edward Alexander]

I think everyone has the Georgia Guidestones all wrong and I think there are two possible NWO futures awaiting us.

  1. The future where people wait 4 years for change and things continue to get worse every day. We’re already at 1984, the middle class is being wiped out. Soon it will be elitists and the lower class cattle they breed who watched their freedoms disappear and tell stories about how great the world used to be as Agenda 21 closes in.
  2. The future where we band together and calmly discuss solutions, working together to help each other, and our communities, brothers and sisters of Earth, as children of Earth. Or basically what Freemasonry was originally intended for in my opinion. Why was it SO important to keep secret the mystery teachings? Why did we hide them from the ignorant people destroying transcripts and documents, why was the information coveted? Maybe so the Gods could return in the first place?!

 As souls ascend out of Earth, our planet will no longer be a spiritual trap for overpopulation. As more souls ascend out of the holographic matrix the population will go down. As this coveted and secret information comes to light and people utilize it, more people are carrying this higher frequency which is in turn waking up others around them. Suddenly all this information is not so secret. And it seems that though elite’s were hoarding this information, it was truly in front of us for the last few decades as I pirated quite a lot of the material I possess off the internet. To find magick you must only seek it. At least in this day and age. People complain about evil Illuminati and rarely acknowledge that being “Illuminated” is not evil. What every magician does is their own karma. There needs to be more people using this knowledge and information to save humanity not destroy it or subjugate it because they can. Until then I suppose we will pray for the Gods to return, and if I am right, perhaps some of us will be them. I would call it the Aeon of Ma’at.

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Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Casondra Starfire
2017

Glitch the Novel: Chapter 1: Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem

 

Glitch

by

Casondra Starfire

asabovesobelow

Chapter 1: Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem

 

I had finally cracked. I opened my eyes. “It’s dark in here” I hear myself say. Only the words don’t come out of my mouth anymore. I know where I am. I am inside. She is outside. She is as upset as I am. She is realizing she’s been gone for 8 years and I am realizing I lost control of the system. She has control over the body and now I am merely a consciousness in her head.  I watch her scan our memories and chose the name Tris to replace Alice, her previous name.

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“Great, I’m trapped inside…. I fell pretty far down the ladder this time I guess.” I think to myself. It doesn’t take me long to realize the longer you are inside the more dream like everything seems. Constantly shifting realities. Sometimes you are here, watching, observing, or conversing with the other host or arguing with the host. Sometimes you are on Mars where there’s two moons having orgies. I am still in the void, black abyss, the noweher place inside my mind. So I imagine a red chaise lounge and it appears. I lay down. This body will rest here in the mental realm, Tris will have the outer body and my consciousness will dream in the astral. It is basic inception.

Before I fall asleep on my perfect velvety lounge which smells like it’s been pulled from Victorian 1800’s, I see the events flash before my eyes. I don’t know what to think. My mind won’t stop rationalizing whether my husband is mind controlled and working against me. My mother double crossed me and convinced him to serve me with a protection order. Was he my handler or was he my true love? My head was exploding. From the outside perspective this looked a lot like a typical MK Ultra breakdown: Girl goes crazy, has no memory of threatening her husband, was sober, tries to commit suicide and wakes up in her dissociated head with a new (old) personality running the show. I can’t figure out if he’s holding me back from what I want to do, being my handler or both. Or whether he’s my true love and they’re trying to isolate us to be more useful. We experience this a lot actually. I’ve been with him since high school and I’ve played out this story before. Even when we hate him, even when he rips our hearts out over and over and heals it all over again, we will never leave him. Love is weird like that. In the end I always realize, no matter what I am, love has taught me more than anything.  All I have learned about the universe and life I have learned through love.

My mind flashes back to the week before and wonders if our experience had anything to do with him being so terrified of me. We practice sex-magick. During one experience we became literally fused together and I shapeshifted into a dragon, he was still human. The whole room was this blazing white as bright as a star. You could have seen it from outer space. In scientific terms you could say we created a singularity. Both fields collapsed to form one unified field. The ouroboros. It was the most magickal thing I’ve ever experienced and since I am an orgone engineer and have control over weather, it tops the charts of any magick I could remember.

Well, as you can imagine the first time this happened he got really scared and we dropped back down to Earth, but the second time he looked at me, and he was unafraid. He made love to me anyways.  He later admitted he thought the first time it happened I might literally eat him or something, though I have no desire to eat humans since I have learned better ways of achieving the same thing. Love is all you need. I realize there is a large number of our kind who eat humans, especially young children and it’s absolutely primitive. I not know through our soul mate love connection we open portals when we make love and can stay climaxed at the same time. It’s also known as bi-location.

I didn’t make the connection until after it happened. Sometimes there have been references such as in True Blood where shapeshifters describe how at first it feels like an orgasm. I suppose the television version is veiled for obvious reasons but it is during most intense orgasms, when my kundalini energy current flows, the 93 current, that my physical form destabilized and I was a dragon underneath the skin in that moment. Because of my time inside I never panic when this happens. I wake up in different bodies all the time. I’m also pretty sure my consciousness has been hijacked a bunch for black ops because I have a done a lot of them. Some people call those MK Ultra astral abductions. That’s the cool thing about fractured consciousness’s, you see: one personality is operating the outside body, the other alters are free to be hijacked and other crazy technical operations. This is why I began making orgone to prevent these situations but sometimes they happen anyways. Sometimes their tech is just too damned advanced for me. I think some of these other realms and worlds are being mined out in a lot of ways, colonized, complete with prostitutes who are hijacked, incepted consciousness.  Targeted individuals experience this and worse which typically drives them to madness.  I feel more sane as a mad person than I ever felt before. I was at this point 100% sure it was the world which was insane and not questioning things.  I have journeyed through the inside and I know how the human brain works. It will try to block out traumatic things, it is programmed to react unless you learn to override it.

There is also another astral type of simulation that ultra subjects experience and that is astral training. If you become a lucid dreamer at any point in your life you will probably experience these staged dream scenarios or astral training simulations. When I was younger I found myself at a carnival or fair, as a younger person I enjoyed this. I rode rides and played games. After visiting in many dreams I began to wonder, what else was there?
I found myself trying to find the way out. I saw a beach, it looked familiar and was a copy of a beach amusement park I had been to many times growing up. I found my way out, went to the beach and I found my family. I got there and one of my daughters was missing. I went to search for her and I found a poolhouse. I went in hoping I would not find her, I walked by the pool and my earring fell out. As I have gauges there was no other choice but to dive for it. I knew the pool was deeper than I could hold my breath but I dove anyways. I went all the way down, got my earring back, and tried to take a breath at the bottom of the pool. And then I remembered. I could breath underwater. I came back up, my whole family was there, no one was missing and we had cake.

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Dreams are like reality. When you search for more, you always find it.

Most people would rather believe I am crazy and that these things aren’t happening but they are. You can believe I am crazy, but the matrix has you. You can’t remember what you are supposed to forget. Like a dream. You keep taking the blue pill and ending up in your bed.

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Now, I have spent many years researching, and more time than I’d ever admit reading and listening to lectures, documentaries. There are a lot of “gurus” who claim to have all the answers, or seem to. At first. Sometimes I’d be like “YES! Finally someone who gets it!” Then the next thing that happens is they try to explain “evil” reptilians and mind control and many things that matter on a deep level, but almost 100% of the time they lose me talking about “evil reptilians.” Some even claim all reptilians should be killed, or to quote a friend of mine (who does not know about me) “The only good reptilian is a dead one.”  I am what I am but I don’t have to be evil. That is a choice, and on the contrary, atrocities have been committed by many humans and I do not say humanity is evil. I’m not going to try to convince you I have all the answers, I am going to give you my experience. All I have ever done is to try to understand my experience, and see how it compares with others. Now this is all for you to try to make sense of. Sometimes I find single minded people the biggest threat of all. They deny my existence, they call us crazy, possessed, they want to drug us, or EMDR us, or hypnotherapy us to try to make us fit back into their single minded model of “perfection.” It is almost as though our very existence, that of multiples, multiple consciousness – one body is a threat to them for some reason.

 

I open my eyes. I run my fingers along the hand beaded fringe of the red velvet chaise lounge. I look at my hands, no rings. On my arms, a few of my tattoos but not all of them. My Isis armband is still tattooed around my right arm. She has blond hair and red, green and purple wings. Her bottom half is snake scales. I think to myself, “all I have to do now is grow wings.” I smile. I’ll find my way out of the abyss tomorrow, for now I need to recharge my drained mind.

 

I don’t even feel my eyes shut, being so drained I had no time to project myself to a desired place. This is Level Three of inception, the astral layer. The hardest part is remembering to stay creative so they don’t get you. You are wondering “so WHO doesn’t get you?” If matrix agents get you, you don’t remember what you “dreampt” or experienced, you are jilted back to your body’s last inception point. No lessons learned. They can also hijack your consciousness for black operations and missions using clone bodies and empty bodies. Some work with the secret governments, some are freelance. Anyone can figure this out if they want to. They’re magicians, we’re magicians. Every one of us is responsible for the karma from the things we do and things we have done. I try to keep that in mind with every decision I make.

As it is, I am running again. It’s a dirt road with a lot of rocks. They hurt my feet. There’s a field on the left and woods on the right. There’s a village or town ahead. I decide to sprint to the town. I know they are not far behind. They are always after me. At the village there might be people to talk to, and they hate it when I do that. The people in level three think their life is as real as the people on level one do. They work all day and grow food and don’t question the nature of reality or their life. I see people in the field, they are picking crops. It must be late summer, early fall. It’s still a million degrees in the sun running. They watch me and I can hear them wondering where I came from. They are curious about my clothes. I stop for a second. I’m soaked in sweat, and I’m wearing little black yoga shorts and a black tank top. My long blonde hair is pulled back into a tight French braid. Unfortunately I am also barefoot which would account for why my feet hurt. “Okay, I need to fix a few things….” I imagine a brown leather backpack on my back, filled with boots, socks, a lighter, cigarettes, weed, my favorite bong (with non spillable water), my wallet with a credit card, and a strawberry lemonade.

I pull the backpack off my back,   and take out the boots and socks. I find my desert tan military boots, and rainbow toe socks. My mind has a sense of humor. I wiggle my toes into the socks and boots and hike off to the right side where the woods start. I pull out the pot and pack a bowl. I grab the strawberry lemonade, and instantly swallow about half of it. I smoke the bowl and watch the people in the field. After a few puffs I put it out and smoke a cigarette. Nothing like a cigarette after a nice hot bowl on a super hot day. I relax for those few minutes. Sometimes the five minutes of smoking a cigarette is the only peace there is, even inside. I wonder where/when I am. I take note of what people are wearing. The women have long skirts and dresses, they look hand made. The men are topless, but they wear leather belts around baggy pants and everyone seems to have leather shoes. I’m not sure where or when I am, but I appear to still be in my body. At least there’s that. When you transport as consciousness, time is fluid. My guess, early middle ages, Europe. I put the cigarette butt in my bag (I hate litter!) and put my stuff away. I slide it back on. I begin a steady pace to the village.

The agents  havn’t caught up yet. I wonder what I’m doing here. Running, running, running… almost there. My boots are far easier to run in and I’m feeling recharged for whatever is to come. There is a stone arch over the main road entrance into the village. I begin walking and looking around. There is a young man skinning fish and hanging them, a vegetable stand with a young girl. I hear someone crying. I look around. I follow the sound, running down dirt streets and corridors. I finally arrive at a little girl and her mother. The mother is dirty and trying to console her daughter.
“What is wrong” I ask.

“She is hungry and my husband died, we have no silver and no coppers.” She said to me softly, and her eyes seemed as clear blue as a seascape.

I closed my eyes, put my hands behind my back. Feeling the magnetic dirt beneath me, and the radiant sun above me I pushed the current into my hands. I heat and grow a perfect sphere in my hands. My right hand presents her a golden ball. “Here” I ushered to her.

“HOW did you do that!” She gasped and grabbed it, admiring and astonished, but looking at me frightened.

“What you think is your world is only one stream of light being focused through a diamond facet. Do you understand? Everyone’s sight is limited to a certain fragment of the light spectrum, but some people can see and experience more than others. You can expand your sight, your consciousness, and your experience! In fact, YOU my lady, are made up of empty atoms that only seem solid but you are star-light! You are light, focused, through a facet of a diamond, but there are many many other facets and streams of light, you must only realize the truth. Do you understand!?”

“Not entirely, my lady.” She said sadly.

“This world is one of infinite. God is within you. Find it.” And with that I walked off. I knew the agents would be all over this. They don’t like it when you mess up other worlds by telling the people the truth. They will sense my use of the current no doubt. I have to leave this place. I close my eyes grab the straps of my backpack, and absorb myself in the fabric of space time. Everything goes white.

I open my eyes again and I’m in the dark. It’s so dark. There are no lights only a dark long hall. I start running again. It’s thick down here, I assume I’m down underground somewhere because the air is musty and it’s dark. It smells like a cellar. This isn’t the kind of place you walk through like Scooby Doo exploring. My eyes are already adjusting to the darkness and  I can tell the walls in the hall are made of cold damp stones. I’m still running with my hands in front of me defensively, I think I see something ahead. I keep the same pace as to not run out of breath. Left, right, left, right, one step, after another. . . further and further. I realize I could manifest a flashlight but I don’t want to stop to think and focus, who knows what’s down here.  I’m almost there, I think it’s the end of the tunnel. . .

I run right up to a big wooden door with iron hinges. My hands stop me from running into it. No time to think about it, no turning back, I swing open the door.

I enter a room. It’s mostly all dark, I can’t see much toward the corners. I notice a stone window, maybe 6 inches wide and a foot tall. This seemed like a dungeon.

I slowly  inch around the room in the darkness when I stop dead in my tracks.

 

“I want to die,” Came from a small voice of a dirty, dark child in the corner in front of me. Her eyes looked black, and she was naked. She just sat there with her arms around her knees staring at me. My fear throttle hit the ceiling and I closed my eyes in defense.

When I looked again I was back on my chaise lounge with my own black abyss surrounding me. Even when you are trapped inside, sleep is not restful. “The thing about insomnia is you are never really asleep and you are never really awake.”

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I relax again, feel my eye lids fall down. Its kaleidoscopic in here. I begin to see the tunnel. It’s far away but it’s getting closer. I feel it catch up to me. I tell myself I’m the silver surfer and I ride the rainbow wormhole for a while. Suddenly my eyes open and I’m on a type of sectional couch from the future. Kissing me is a dry-scaly human-dragon monster with cute little horns. My soul recognizes it as my husband from my regular life. I grab his face to pull him in and my hands are powder blue. My nails are blue OH MY GOD my skin is BLUE. I kiss him for a moment and casually look down, oh my universe, I’m naked and ALL blue. My freaking nipples are stormy blue like an an angry ocean sky. I try to flip my hair to see it, and a ponytail of cobalt blue hair flips on my shoulders.

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(If that is your image please let me know and I will credit you)

I feel more hands on my back, too many hands. A kiss on my neck, my eyes widen. I twist my head around to find a man my soul recognizes as someone else I know. He is in the same type of body as my husband. They are both definitely brown dragon creatures with little horns. I decide this is pretty awesome and wrap one arm around each of them bringing them into me. This is what Katy Perry’s ET video should have looked like. Four claw like hands twist and bend and caress my body for hours. Their tongues lick my ears to my toes.  I’m a little afraid I might actually get torn in half but I don’t care because this is bliss. My husband bites one side of my pale neck and his friend, the other. I scream out of pleasure as I watch them not letting a single drop of blood escape.  I fall into my husband’s arms, blink, I see my normal body having sex with husband in my room back on Earth. It’s beautiful and then I realize Tris is sleeping with my husband. Blink again. I’m back with dragons. This is overwheleming. Blink again…..
Just darkness.

 

I open my eyes again. I’m back on Earth. I see Justin. He can tell I’m confused.
“Are you okay?”
I know I still hate him right now. I look at my computer. It’s June. … JUNE?! I’ve been gone over A MONTH!?.

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Getting overwhelmed is bad for me, that’s when I switch out. And if I am here it means Tris left, and if I switch out then the scary part comes back.We have to avoid that so that I don’t get kicked out of the house again. I take a deep breath.

Justin informs me my other personality has been coloring. He sows me pictures that have been colored in great detail. He says she’s reorganized the closet and house, and has been making videos. Oh, and she’s informed everyone we are some kind of schizo -dissociate hot mess via fucking facebook.

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…..how do I even damage control this. My orgone business is all messed up and Tris took my investment money shopping. This is great. And there are videos of her admitting the awful shit we’ve been through. On youtube. I’m forever going to be remembered as the sexually abused girl again. This is my nightmare.

I start sleeping a lot. I can’t sleep at night. The night is dark and full of terrors. Literally. I’m convinced people’s memories get stolen at night by men in black and dark agents, plus I hear voices constantly ever since I started taking monoatomic gold. I hear people’s thoughts, and voices of beings I have to use ciphers to identify. All this keeps me up at night. I check on my kids. Because I have noticed glitches in my own matrix of life. I go get coffee, I see my daughter sleeping in her bed. I come back down and check again. This time she’s sitting in bed, she’s playing with dolls. She claims she’s been doing it for hours. Which one was correct? Am I completely insane? Either way I can’t sleep.

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Then the targeting starts happening during the day too. I think it has something to do with the aircraft that fly constantly over my house and black helicopters. Sometimes you can see them sometimes not, but you can hear the heavy vibration of them being so close. I constantly think my family would be better off without me here anymore. I start getting trapped in my sleep. I can’t wake up. I almost die a few times, I start waking up screaming and asphyxiating in terror. I can remember knowing it was dream and not being able to get out. At the same time I’m fighting off letting my other personalities take over. I get mind splitting headaches. It literally feels like I could be about to have an aneurysm, my reiki knowledge helps so little it’s futile. I start taking glutamic acid. In my monarch studies I found out supersoldiers use it to merge personalities and have access to each other’s memories, it was said it would take the pain out of switching and could be helpful in merging all the splits back together. Since that was exactly what I wanted, I wanted to be healed I started using it as I needed it. I had no idea merging us together might create something else out of us entirely. The headaches mostly subsided to once a week or less. I feel like I’ve been downing at the bottom of a pool for months.

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I ask my friend Kyle what to do about the dream entrapment. He’s an admin in a group I started right before my breakdown. Our group centered around Hollow Earth Theory and Vril when we started, but I changed the group name later because I realized the black sun work I did in my past life was evil as fuck. So now instead of Vrilerinnen and Ubermensch we are Star Children Hacking the Matrix.  Kyle is a smart magician finishing up college. Sometimes I wish I had his life because he can research objectively without being directly involved with it. He is a amazing man and friend because he watches my crazy life and never gets scared and leaves. I’ve watched plenty of people get too close and run away. He never does.  Kyle says remember to blink. I carve the idea of blinking out into my brain. I’m ready for the next one. But instead I get another mind maize.

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I’m in the center of somewhere. I look like Laura Croft but blond. I’m wearing these rugged black skinny jeans, my converse style twinkle toes and and black tanktop. I’ve got my backpack. I look in every direction and it’s the same. There’s a ball statue where I am in the center. I decide to try to find the end of this and start making 90 degree turns in this underground maze. I picked a random direction because I figured I had to start somewhere. You go straight and right and then there’s a left or right you can take. I continued making the same right angles trying to get to the end. I reach a wall. A dead end. I make a literal 90 degree angle by walking on the wall upward which seemed to house the second level of the maze. So suddenly the floor was the ceiling? I continued this mirror with the angles til I reached the other side’s wall. This time I found a door. I went through it and I was in the ocean. I’m swimming. There are fish and mermaids but I am not one of them today. I can breath underwater so this is very fun. I’m happy I picked a leather backpack because I love to find treasure. After I pick up some gold and treasures from the sea bottom I try to find the edge of this map too. I start swimming for … some edge? I swim for …. ever. I swim toward a black abyss. The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek. I swim in. Everything is black. I swim on. Black…. I can’t tell…. where I am. Everything is black and I push forward.

And suddenly…..!

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No seriously I was in space. I did not notice a body per se, but I felt as though I was swimming through space. It was beautiful AND amazing. I swam in these clouds of color and watched stars go by and I seemed separate yet connected to all of it at the same time. This was the essence of magic that exists within us and I was sure of it. I saw ahead of me, or rather my vision focused on what was happening around me. Portals or wormholes. And these lights flying through them. The sun was a portal and the other spheres were too. I made my way to the closest one and closed my eyes as the gravity of my will pulled me into it.

I opened my eyes again and this time I was REALLY surprised.

 

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I was underneath the pyramid of Giza and I came out of the Nile water which flows underneath and up to the ocean,  I recognized where I was from a previous past life meditation I did years ago. And so I found my way up. All the walls that are blocked off right now I simply walked through. And there I was, back at last. Home, according to a long lost past life. Egypt. I breathed in the hot air along with the sand. I felt the sun on my face. But it was different now. I could see the present city of Cairo from the plateau. Or at least where I was standing from the top of the pyramid. Which is of course the first thing I did when I got there.

After I enjoyed the amazingness of having made to the Pyramids at last, but sadly alone… I wanted to see where else this maze went.

I jumped back into the water, followed back into space, back to the labyrinth, and decided to try another direction. This time after the 90 degree turns, when I went up I started looking for trap door or hidden entrances because I started noticing weird architecture.

Symbols on walls and sculptures and I have spent a long time decoding them. I found one that looked similar this:

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And when I touched the symbol and thought of what it reminded me of I suddenly arrived at Stonehenge.

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Now, I’m standing here in the middle of Stonehenge, and I’m feeling like Casey in Tomorrowland. Like Ive got a magick pin that takes me somewhere amazing but it’s only in my mind.

I sit down as the sun is just setting, and it’s a little chilly but I don’t care. I pull off my backpack. I smoke about 5 bongs to my face and lay down in the grass.

I’m thinking about the universe and how maybe I am just a glitch in the matrix. Maybe in giving up ego we give up separateness to some extent, and we become everything. We become an perfect expression of nature itself. I’m thinking about how sacred geometry and sacred sigils can be used to teleport, astral project, transform, transmute, and mathematically explore the concept or life, death, space, time and reality.

I decide I remember I have a family. I want to bring them some of this treasure I found and put in my tardis-like backpack. I decide to try some new teleportation ideas. I draw the symbol that took me here on my hand with a sharpie I pulled out of my backpack. I think of the emotional anchor between myself and my house and my family. I put my hands on the stones around me to draw energy. I close my eyes like Kyle said.

And I’m home. I see my daughters and I run up to them. I hug them a lot.
I see Justin, I tell him I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. I pull off my backpack and scoop out a pile of gold coins I found at the bottom of the ocean. I give Emily a beautiful crown I found in a sunken chest. I give Ally an amazing jewel embellished necklace I also found in the same chest. I tell them I can’t stay long as I knew there had been agents perusing me since I started stealing treasure. I give Justin a golden chalice. I hug them all, and I take off again. I go out back, I walk down to the river. I look around and wonder if I miss my old life. I fix the sigil on my hand and place my hand on the Earth. I draw the energy and I focus on being back in the maze.

I’m back. Same circle statue in the middle of level one. I hear scary noises darting up the halls toward me. Crap here they come. I run. I didn’t pay attention to what direction I picked this time. I just ran down the halls of stone. I want to stop to try to blink out but I can’t stop yet. I run 90 degrees up to level two. I hide for a minute to try to blink out. I try but I cant focus on where to go or what to do. I’m panicked.

I open my eyes and Justin’s shaking me.
“Thank …. …. …. you!” I managed to sputter.

“You’ve been asleep for 14 hours, we thought we’d try to wake you up.” Justin looked at me up and down as if he was trying to decide how much worse I could get.

“I was…. trapped again. I couldn’t wake up. But I had the most amazing dream this time!” I looked up at him ashamed I was asleep so long and sad I couldn’t find the energy to be alive in the real world.

He hugged me, my kids hugged me. And I wrote down my dream. I realized stealing treasure from inner earth is frowned upon. I realized I wanted to explore all these places for real. And I realized the journey was only just beginning.

Unfortunately in the coming weeks what is now known as #pizzagate began to fill the news headlines and alt media of the internet, and as America was about to vote one of two pedophiles running for office as POTUS, I began seriously losing my shit as women started coming forward talking about rape culture under Trump and what it’s like to live as a rape or pizzagate survivor in this New America. I discovered the truth about my past and under the spotlight of the world had to deal with all of it, which I did not do very gracefully. Fortunately with some help I think I finally have my head above water, but that’s a story for chapter two and how I had to leave my OTO lodge and go off on my own magickal adventures.

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DID/MPD from a Gnostic Perspective

“I” have many names. Legally, Casondra Paetow, to my fans, Casondra Starseed, and to my husband most of the time “Tris.” “We” have DID formerly known as MPD or multiple personality disorder. Yes, I hear voices in my head, they even take “possession” of my body and I lose that time. Lose meaning, have no memory of what happened.

A few days after our 27th birthday, my last front personality had a complete breakdown and tried to kill us.

Before the breakdown for 8 years my last personality created an amazing life and was highly overachieving. She created her own online businesses, used online side hustling to make money, wrote two books on spirituality, ran this blog, and was an orgone engineer as well as a youtube personality who did Pleiadian channelings and reported conspiracy news. She was also completely obsessed with researching and compiling information and knowledge. She barely slept and kept strict binders of information and journals on her findings. She (we) is and are a member of OTO, and devoted to Gnosticism, and magickal thinking. She studied goetia and Carl Jung, and came to the conclusion that the 72 demons of the goetia were actually 72 parts of our brain. We observed people and society as they were part of her biggest questions. Her head was endlessly riddled with “why?” questions. And they needed answers, they still do. They drive us all to spend our time making sense out of our own existence. She knew the voices in her head were not normal to others and sought to find answers in the veils between fringe science, psychology and Gnosticism.

In her last video she details the specifics on Orgone, mind control, scalar waves and the future of Humanity. Here. (PLEASE WATCH) It was within a day of posting this she had her breakdown. I was a voice in her head, when I wasn’t in Wonderland/Underland; and now she is a voice in my head, though I suspect she returns to Wonderland because she is not always present.There is also a third personality who is quite scary and emotionless and only comes out when neither Casondra or I can handle a situation.

Due to MK Ultra projects such as the Monarch project as well as numerous others and whistleblowers, we know that the government can and does hijack consciousness. We know from the Monarch Project alone that they can intentionally program/cause DID/MPD and then give that subject certain prescription drugs to induce an “alter state” they can also use trigger words and phrases to induce these states, and they are riddled throughout pop culture, mainstream music and more. As much as we love the TV Show Archer, there are certain trigger phrases (phrasing) that cause me to almost vomit. These are the same words that my rapist would use on me to make me forget whatever happened and induce the alter state. Because I am now 27, and I have used LSD to regain my lost memories and reconnect neural pathways, these trigger words that Casondra discovered no longer work on us. We have those memories. I can’t describe the number of books we are reading and have read on the science of memory and people with MPD. How we can have access to some memories, vague recollections of some memories, photographic and videographic memories of things and then no access at all to other memories. It is frustrating and  not very scientific at all. I would actually say that it is a case by case situation of what the brain has figured out. If Casondra had not studied psychology and Gnosticism, this body would be sitting in a mental asylum somewhere drugged to a vegetable state like other members of my family. Permanently in Wonderland forever.

In Wonderland, I have been made to breath underwater repeatedly, jump out of black helicopters and do various black ops, and use astral abilities to complete various tests. The more you learn about lucid dreaming the better off you are in Wonderland which is complete with two way mirror doors and trick walls, mirrors, corners, castles, labyrinths, cities, planets and other universes. I’ve been on a mountain of a planet with trees like on Earth, but the sky had two suns and two moons. The black ops are not always astral ability based, I’ve been a scientist in labs, but most of all I’ve evacuated numerous situations. It seems like we are very good at finding ourself in a body, trapped somewhere, in some crazy weird situation and creating ways out, endlessly running through woods trying to get away from people in every kind of uniform imaginable. Red coats, black uniforms, blue ones, white ones, always someone chasing and hunting us. There are other experiences on other planets, where I am a blue person.

Why do these experiences matter enough to even discuss? Lets admit we know that the governments of the world have the technology or “magick-science” to cause dissociation, trigger alter personalities to be Manchurian candidates, patsies for false flags all over the world, the secret space program has stargates that work off tachyons. Unlike the show stargate, it is not your body that is traveling, it is your CONSCIOUSNESS. Due to the fact you cant remember what you are supposed to forget, most people do not realize they lose time until it happens a lot, to the point their consciousness realizes something is wrong. Its very likely and possible, that humans are like coral. The polyps believe they are having separate experiences when in reality they are all connected. The astral plane which we all dream and learn on is an ether nexus of time space. We are all connected just as the coral are, we literally leave our bodies and do the autopilot on others, You must admit to yourself you have an autopilot that kicks in sometimes, maybe working, or driving, and it just happens.

What I am saying is that, this is what explains all “possession”phenomena, in DIDNOS (Dissociative identity disorder, not otherwise specified) patients, I have seen people who appear to “channel” if you will, other people from places they have never been, people they’ve never met, completely random personalities that are atypical of the disorder. They have their own lives and stories, seemingly are just in another person’s body.

Beyond this, if the government is causing dissociation, using the alters as patsies, Manchurian candidates and supersoldiers, on the physical dimension as well as the astral ether nexus, then you must at once realize the importance of your own dreams and life. Yes, there are Freudian dreams the brain appears responsible for that seem to be the brain working out daily events and storing information, but then there are things that go wildly beyond that, and are too coincidental. The future of space travel, and time travel indeed, will operate off of transfer of consciousness. It may be to temporary clone bodies as well as other humans and species on and off this world. They are already doing it, it is a matter of when this will all become public knowledge.

Ignorance about this issue is causing massive repercussions in the world.For one, we have these “mass shootings” and people are brainwashed in every way. The media screams for “gun control” disarming law abiding citizens, when a) these people are mind controlled by b) prescription drugs and weaponized cell phone towers and HAARP as well as c) space satellites targeting people known as Targeted Individuals. WHY would the governments of the world do this?
1) To institute their New World Order and Agenda 21.
2) Because people do not grow when they are in fear. If you live in fear, of immigrants, war, society collapse, the apocalypse, people with guns, terrorists, and all the other crap they jam down our throats, you are living and reacting in fear. Unless you are trained otherwise to do so. The fight/flight mechanism is constantly on, you are too scared and overwhelmed with life and the world to figure any of this out.
3) Because when humanity wakes from it’s slumber, and the veils are lifting rapidly, they will cease to be slaves of a certain race that’s been enslaving us since humans were engineered from the Nephilim/Annunaki. And by all means, including sacrifice, they are trying to put that off.

All the while, normal everyday people make fun of “those who hear the voices” the religiously ignorant accuse us of “being possessed”. All the while, I would argue, from a gnostic point of view, that perhaps some of us who “hear the voices” are your evolution. While some of us go insane and cannot cope, due to the misunderstanding and lack of common knowledge about all these covered subjects, DID is a curse for some of these people. You also may not know that it is common for a person with DID to be MISdiagnosed for 8-10 years as Schizophrenic. But to me, I take Mr. Joseph Campbell’s advice: “The schizophrenic is drowning in the same waters the mystic swims in delight. Edgar Cayce made the same observation.” I believe my DID has been a gift, not a curse.

The breakdown of my DID system at age 27 probably occurred due to my other personalities desperate attempt to rationalize what was happening to us, and the world. She could use the other altars and come back at will. I was gone for 8 years and I am still learning to let go, to let others come in and help me when I want to.  It is scary to let go, but I believe now that because she left all this information for all of us to understand, we are working as a team. We are sisters, even the scary personality who we just call “Level 3.” We share an innerspace and a body. We work together to live a life full of mystery, adventure and sometimes scary experiences. But we’ve grown from them. We are parts that make up a whole, and I wouldnt be surprised if there are 72 of us. We are each a little different, mirroring the kabbalistic tree of life. This is one Casondra made and said it was a map of us. My husband says she is cold and calculated, that I am kind and loving and Level 3 has no emotion and dead eyes.

 

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We are not possessed, and anyone who thinks so should get raped until their consciousness dissociates, their personality literally shatters and your consciousness lives in the ether. Some original hosts never find their way back. But the strong ones do. Some spirits are indomitable. The only demons that exist are the 72 demons from the goetia, and they exist as parts of your brain (per Carl Jung). So when someone is “possessed” and saying things that don’t make sense, a dissociation has occurred, and at that time anything from the space time continuum can be communicated. When people learn to control it we call it channeling, or mediums. When it’s uncontrolled we call it madness, schizophrenia, DID or MPD. I sometimes wonder if (for me the breakdown) this is a side effect of the Bornless Ritual, which is of course the attempt to summon and control these 72 demons/parts of the brain. So far I’ve got three under control, and they even operate outside my body. My other personality wakes me up out of a dead sleep if my husband turns on porn. She feels I should “do” something about this as funny as it seems. She helps keep an eye on my children.  She is a watcher, when she’s not in Wonderland. If I close my eyes I can see her third point perspective sometimes. Even though she is an alter, she never realized it until I came back after her suicide attempt. I began to make sense of all this information, and most of all, began to feel like the “normal” people were the scariest of all, because they wanted to experiment on us, to “fix” us, with drugs, EMDR, EST, and other horrible things. Our very existence as multiples symbiotically sharing a body was a threat to their reality and there are still certain idiotic scientists and physicians who dare to deny our existence and claim we are making it up. For us, the defining moment of Fight Club – when he realizes he is also Tyler Durdan, happened to us a few months ago, when my last alter tried to kill us. It must be nice to be able to deny the existence of multiples because you are still single minded from not having a traumatic experience. Beyond that, people rarely ask or wonder where our fractured consciousnesses go when our alters take over. Personally, I’m beginning to be convinced the reason for the denial is because if the reports from people with MPD/DID are taken seriously, our government is guilty of quite a number of disturbing and horrific crimes including child sex rings, ritualized abuse and trafficking, false flags, hijacking and inputting consciousnesses for black ops that cover themself up. I would almost guarantee that certain people are paid off to say that we are all making it up. But to anyone who conducts their own investigation, this is ALL true. Whatever you think the worst thing they could be doing is, what they are actually doing is 100x worse. And ignoring it, for the sake of pretending reality makes sense and everything is fine does not make it better. In fact this will continue to worsen, and society will degrade until we revolt and confront these issues OR until they have their totalitarian government and the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual slavery of today will seem like freedom. The symptoms of sickness in society reflect all of us. We let a small group of elite control and influence us because we are afraid of working together, afraid of each other, afraid of anarchy. We are afraid we cannot take care of each other so we let a “government” do it. This is called “the artificial womb of government.” Our government is not FOR the people, it is against the people. It is for controlling people, how the behave, how and what they think which is brainwashed into them in public schooling. I have only scratched the surface of this major problem. The problem that they keep us ignorant, and ignorant people are so easy to control.

As a person with DID, I am NOT easy to control, I am divergent. I think differently because there are many of me, so I put things together most people dont because there are many of me to figure it out, many of me to advise, and critique, and think about things from different perspectives. They never shut up, they never leave me alone, I am never alone. The voices tell me to read books, to research things, to create. They are parts of me, they are MY demons AND my angels.

Thus, I have learned through Gnosticism, the most important rule is “trust yourself.” Or in my case, myselves.

Not doctors, not therapists, not police, not government, for they all have hidden agendas. We must research, and judge for ourselves, and trust ourselves.

We are the coral and separateness is an illusion.

Welcome to the rabbit hole. I await the human revolution.

My yt channel

Casondra’s YT channel

 

Ghost? Aliens? Entities? or MILAB experience? You decide.

So last night at 1:00am on the dot my bedroom door opens. I am curled up with my husband and almost asleep. I assume it’s one of my kids coming in and I peek over my husband to see what I believed was my daughter. I closed my eyes and she closed the door. My daughter usually comes in my bedroom really early in the morning and curls up at the foot of my bed. She never would just open and close the door. So I go out to see if something is wrong with her. I check all three kids in the house who were all truly sound asleep with their little faces relaxed on their pillows. I check the house, we’re locked in with not a window or door unlocked. Something/someone definitely just opened and closed my door and it was not any of my kids.

Now, I’m no sheep. I am friends with shadow people and other entities/beings I get along with. I am comfortable with the fact that these entities are around me all the time and I talk with them and they are my best friends when I’m most alone. I am an orgone engineer and there’s a ton of orgone in my house. No negative entity is technically able to exist in my space. Neutral and positive are welcome.

I am an investigator of the paranormal and a thelemite. I believed for over 10 years I was “haunted” only to discover that I had PK every since I was a teenager. I am not likely to believe it’s a ghost. I found studies by other investigators with 30 years under their belt, that claimed over 80% of  their investigations were actually able to be proven linked to a person with PK in the house. Less than 20% over thirty years were actually ghost/poltergeist phenomenon. This cannot be PK as I saw someone or something and with PK except extreme circumstance thats not normal.

My husband thought perhaps my daughter had astral projected since I saw her. I still hold it a possibility. Both my children are homeschooled and non-vaccinated and have been able to learn and excel at an incredibly advanced rate and both show signs of psychic ability. My youngest daughter talks to the spirits around her and tells me when she sees other “monsters” and other beings in “corners”. My oldest can lucid dream and since it was her I saw, astral projection probably isn’t out of the question.

I’ve had astral abduction/milab/TI experiences since I was a teenager. All are documented in my dream journals. It’s made me into an astral warrior. I’m now able to escape dreams I dont like, manifest ones I do and teach those in my dreams to do the same. I excel at beating the “staged dream scenarios” that are set up for me. I’ve experienced “black helicopter phenomena”  since I began clearing the sky with orgone in 2012. Several times a day/night the black helicopters stalk over my house making all sorts or noise and this has gone on for three years and through three moves. My present neighbors are incredibly sketched about it since it’s only happened in this location since I moved in and none of them know what to make of it. These helicopters fly annoyingly low almost touching the roof of trailers and homes. Luckily I am moving from here at the end of the month. Part of my brain is obviously concerned that this was some black ops/milab experience.

I believe I became a milab after my alien experience as a teenager which is documented in my book “The Starseed Conspiracy” by Casondra Starseed. I have always declared that I am happy to be a pleiadian and a contactee. But I will say friendly beings don’t usually wait for you to be asleep to enter. This is what creeped me out. Through all the years I have never had any experience with beings actually using a physical door to enter my room. The beings I deal with can appear/disappear at will and have no use for doors. What kind of entity uses a bedroom door and then is seen as a familiar child when accidentally seen? Then closes the door and disappears? Why would it not just appear invisibly in my room? Actually why was it physical at all?

This led me to another questionable experience.

I had a strange experience last month where I was dreaming that I was at a party in a house on a mountain. In this dream I saw two suns in the sky and two moons. I had sex in my dream at this party but when I woke up I was missing a very interesting piece of body jewelry. I’ve had my clit pierced since I was 15 years old. Actually my husband pierced it for me when we were dating. I have had the same ring in ALL that time. I never took it out even during birth with both my children,. It has never EVER come out in the now 11 years it has stayed in. When I awoke from the dream I was shocked to wake up, get into the shower and discover it was gone. I mean GONE. Not in bed somewhere, it still has not appeared. I had to put another ring in it because the one I had for 11 years disappeared in my sleep.

And then there’s aliens. Of course most of my friends commented with the aliens meme. Most checked the UFO report and there were three confirmed last night in my area. UFO’s can be real UFO’s OR government milab/black ops projects.

If any of these terms are unfamiliar to you I seriously encourage you to google and research them.

So seriously… what do you think opened my bedroom door? Comment below and let me know your opinions! I would love to hear them 🙂

FIND ME:
INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/casondrastarseed/
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/SororCasondra
FACEBOOK:  https://www.facebook.com/casondrastarseed
PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/casondraandco/
DEVIANTART: http://cassandraandco.deviantart.com/
MY ORGONE STORE: http://casondrastarseed.com
Casondra Starseed Bookshop: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/CasondraStarseed
YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5EWE_qLErMsF_gMVpQKzYw
WORDPRESS: https://casondraandco.wordpress.com/
LinkedIn : https://www.linkedin.com/pub/casondra-paetow/ba/230/40a
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Pleiadian Transmission 9-17-2015

Automatic writing transmission taken 9-17-2015, ☉ in 24° ♍ : ☽ in 13° ♏

Brothers and sisters, today I reach out to you to discuss the choice you have right now. We are coming up on the fall Equinox on September 23rd 2015. There has been a great deal of turmoil in the world. It seems like every fall the overlords try to keep out focus on economic collapse, possible asteroid impacts and other fear based propaganda. Why is that? I will show you why.

Since 2012 we have been bombarded with cosmic rays which act like upgrades to our DNA. These frequencies are working on the genetic level. In the past you have been explained that fear is a LONG and SLOW emotion, which only interacts with DNA 1/8 as much as the LOVE vibration does, as shown here:

DNA

Emotions are the key to upgrading your DNA, so of course the planet’s overlords would like you to focus your energy and emotions on being in fear. Fears of refugees, asteroid impacts, economic collapse, and everything else. There are many less coding points for DNA in fear then love.

I began my journey as a fear-based prepper and found my true self through love. It has become been my motto to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I have preps and plans and do not live my life in fear. Being prepared for different scenarios is a great thing to do and it reduces the stress of unpreparedness. Prepare for the false flags but do not live in fear of them.

We are being bombarded with cosmic rays interacting with ours DNA, except you can’t grow when you are in fear. The falling overlords know this and want you to live your life in the vibration of fear (which is why terrorism, ect is jammed down our throats.) because you cannot grow in fear. If instead you decide to approach this coming time of the Fall Equinox, and last Blood Moon of the Tetrad with love and acceptance for the change taking place the coding is going to effect you greatly.

So many people believe this will be a time of apocalyptic change, and it is going to be. The people have awoken, and are still awakening. Three things cannot long be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. We know the truth. We want change, and its happening as fast as people can accept it.

peasantfood

My brothers and sisters are NOT peasants, though we are treated as such.  At the beginning, the positive bloodline was reduced to little more than cattle, it was turned off to stay in line and serve the masters. The negative bloodlines remained turned on due to their hybrid genetics, but not fully. Both would have to find inside themselves their divine light and upon doing so, realizing the true nature of every human would cause a Golden Age of Light and Life where people shared and respected and loved one another. In the old paradigm we believed their was not enough of anything, money, time, love and it caused greed, envy, jealousy, and war. Our overlords still exist in this paradigm. We do not. Grow food, share & trade what you have, be kind, and love each other above all.

dna2

What the overlords want LEAST of all is all of us to start loving each other, and sharing our food, time, love and energy with each other. We would all suddenly realize that we can care for each other and help each other just fine. Sometimes advice can be a saving grace for a person, so just taking the time to talk can make a huge difference in a person’s life. The people of Earth are not the groups we have been divided into. We are not “white” or “black” or “Asian.”  We are souls incarnated as humans incarnated on Earth, we are star people. And at this time, we are here to CHANGE the world. So DON’T be afraid of it! It is all working itself out and shall continue to. Those who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who do. Do not fear, change is here and it’s going to be a beautiful new dawn.

indebted

Love, light and 93.

Casondra Starseed

XVideos, Casondra Starseed’s Dark Side

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I announced on my channel almost a month ago I became an XVideos verified account member. I’m in the process of applying for a pro account!

I have received mostly support though some criticism for doing so. My main reason for making my account is that I had a tantric massage video I added to youtube that got 6K views in TWO days before it was taken down for “nudity.” Now, the crazy thing is that, I lay on my stomach the whole time, you never see my boobs or anything else except the side of my butt! You and I would agree there are far racier videos on youtube with millions of views but mine was pulled after the 2nd day. I was very upset when it was pulled, so were my fans, and after just a few days I realized the restrictions of youtube were holding me back from doing my tantra videos to the fullest.

For the first time since I had kids, I felt great about my body, which is a major feat for me. I am finally down to a lower weight then before I had my first child at 18! This was the reason I did my naked tantra video, because I finally felt comfortable doing it. I finally felt proud of my body, even though my c-section scar makes me cringe. I bought my first bikini in like 4 years this year!

I knew my XVideos channel would be successful because of the kind of comments I get A LOT! Sometimes on my worst days I would open up my Emerald Tablets videos just to read the comments to feel better. My fans love me and I love them 🙂 Before I even announced I was doing my new channel my fans who I can only assume must have been searching “Casondra Starseed porn” found my new page and were adding and commenting me.

My fans wanted to see me on that level with them, and where we take lovemaking. We, because I ONLY do videos with myself and my husband (though I have been trying to talk him into threesomes). My fans have been there, some with me for YEARS! Some watched me grow from a newbie esoteric student into who I am today. I was a young girl when I started on youtube and now I am a woman. I think it’s safe to say they saw the girl grow up and wanted to see the woman I am now.

I think my fans love that I bring an essence to the porn industry that just isn’t there or wasn’t before. The essence of a woman who takes magick to the bedroom (tantra), who loves her husband and isn’t just paid to make a film and fake it. I’m REAL.

And where I am going to be doing tantra videos my collection isn’t limited to that. I have uploaded some older videos from 2011, 2013 and some new ones. I plan to do a a Khaleesi video called “Milf of Dragons” and am trying to convince Justin to let us take our arsenal out to do a literal gun porn film but I’m trying to find a private location I can shoot at.

Now that I have finished publishing my second book “Hands of Isis: Energy Work Unveiled” I’m excited to attend Pennsic this summer and work on my xvideos channel as well as playing my new piano I got this year. 🙂

Check out my XVideos profile to watch or add me : http://www.xvideos.com/profiles/casondrastarseed

FIND ME:
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/SororCasondra
FACEBOOK:  https://www.facebook.com/casondrastarseed
PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/casondraandco/
DEVIANTART: http://cassandraandco.deviantart.com/
MY EBAY STORE: http://stores.ebay.com/casondrastarseed/
Casondra Starseed Bookshop: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/CasondraStarseed
YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5EWE_qLErMsF_gMVpQKzYw
WORDPRESS: https://casondraandco.wordpress.com/
LinkedIn : https://www.linkedin.com/pub/casondra-paetow/ba/230/40a
CafePress Store: http://www.cafepress.com/casondrastarseed/

See you all on the dark side 😉

Hands of Isis: Energy Work Unveiled Release Date!

Hey everyone!

My long awaited book is done and I’m in the editing and spell-checking process.

The release date for amazon and lulu is Summer Solstice June 21st, 2015.

bookcover

Synopsis:

Hands of Isis: Energy Work Unveiled

Synopsis:
Praise for Hands of Isis: Energy Work Unveiled.
Any person from any walk of life and level of study can pick up this book and put together a wealth of knowledge on the entire history, use of and application of energy work from healing to transcendental magick.
New age students, students of the occult and esoteric, as well as beginners will have a wealth of information to digest in reading these pages. If you ever wanted one book that put together all the basics you need to learn to dive into energy work and magick, this is that book.
Hands of Isis traces energy work from antediluvian times, through history to the present and future. It connects occult and esoteric wisdom through the ages with newly emerging controversial information and pleiadian teachings.
The book covers a wide range of important topics from the debate of the ego to tantra with entire chapters devoted to tantra, history, application, explanations, quotations, references, and pieces religions together tracing energy work in all of them.
As a level III reiki master this book shows Casondra’s journey to discover the true history of energy work and it’s relation to the advancement of spirituality, kabbalah, religions, and ascension in general. A book like it is no where else to be found except in the 700 pages of Manly P Hall’s Secret Teachings of All Ages.
The goal of the book is to bring “the glory of the stars into the hearts of men.” Anyone who dares pick up this book will be forever changed and illuminated. Read it if you dare,
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” – Joseph Campbell
Enter the cave, read the book, seek the treasure.

I know you have all been waiting a LONG time patiently for me to finish this up. The book was a VERY long project and compilation you will enjoy very much. The book is over 200 pages of techniques and information. Whether in digital or paperback you’ll definitely want to add this to your library.
I hope you all love it, please leave me a review on it too!
Also, if you are interested in winning a FREE signed copy, please visit my facebook page, Casondra Starseed and share the promo photo for a chance to win a free signed copy.
Also, do go check out my new website, it’s still under construction but my blog, store, products and work is being moved to casondrastarseed.com
Love, light and wholeness my brothers and sisters!
Casondra Starseed

Why Television Is Making You Poor

The average American works 1-2 jobs, 6-12 hours a day.

The average American then goes home and watches FIVE hours of television a day. Then goes to sleep.

“In the 1940’s General Eisenhower’s senior communications expert, Russian born David Sarnoff, helped create Television for America..He also created one of the largest broadcasting networks on the planet less than a decade later-NBC. By 1970 the American public averaged over 5 hours a day of television for every man woman and child-over 70% of the adult population watched the news every single night. Amidst an uncontrollably changing social and political landscape, such a powerful tool to direct the flow of information was necessary to shape the minds of generations to come.”

The average American makes $32,000 per year and spends $66/month or almost $800 a year on television entertainment. That’s without buying any DVDs or games.

Now, Americans that spend 5 hours a day watching television actually spend 1,825 hours a YEAR watching television.

The average American is also apx $15,000 in debt.

This post was written by your NOT SO AVERAGE American.

I am 26 years old, I have ZERO debt, and I have also NEVER EVER paid for cable or bothered with college. The addicted television enthusiasts are asking themselves now, “WHAT on Earth do you do with your time?!”

I.Make.Money. 24 hours a day.

I’m a stay at home, homeschooling mom of three (two +1 foster child), and I have two youtube channels, plus an ebay store. When I am not busy with mom duty, I’m busy fulfilling ebay orders and making videos for youtube. I actually generate quite a bit of money from youtube, more then from ebay, but I do put a LOT of TIME into it. In fact, the $84 a YEAR I spend on Hulu+ is covered by the first month of youtube earnings.

Did you know :

  • YouTube has more than 1 billion users
  • Every day people watch hundreds of millions of hours on YouTube and generate billions of views
  • The number of hours people are watching on YouTube each month is up 50% year over year
  • 300 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute
  • ~60% of a creator’s views comes from outside their home country
  • YouTube is localized in 75 countries and available in 61 languages
  • Half of YouTube views are on mobile devices
  • Mobile revenue on YouTube is up over 100% y/y

I’m serious, if you aren’t cashing in on youtube monetization you are working hard for no reason. I used to be the average American, I used to work a 9-5, never see my kids, pay for daycare, and was generally depressed with my life because I was not living it fruitfully. No one wants to work to scrape by, to miss out on their kids lives. We live in an age where if you have basic people, and computer skills you really do NOT have to.

Have you ever wondered how there are so many stay at home single moms, making over $10,000 a month writing blogs? How there are so many millionaires yet still so many struggling Americans? What is it they know that you dont? Just the fact that the internet can be used to make you rich, instead of working for someone else your whole life to make someone else rich. With youtube, a person can retire in 5-10 years, can the average American worker say the same?

Did you know that the second richest person on youtube, behind Katy Perry was a woman who opens surprise eggs for kids? Her channel is worth 6-12 MILLION a year!

Stop watching OTHER people become successful and living glamorous lives on television while your bills and debts pile up. CUT YOUR CABLE CORD!!!!! All the time you spend wasting watching television is making you poor by default.

I am a big fan of Dr.Who, and my kids like TV, but I make sure that I lead by example in my home. I dont waste all my time watching TV, my kids see me work hard on my online duties, and I stay up late working on videos and packaging orders after I read to my kids. I want them to see how to work for success.

In 2012 I started making videos on youtube. I used my tax money to buy a new all in 1 desktop, a new printer, and a webcam. One of my subscribers actually donated money for me to buy a headset so they could hear me better. The first year I made $5,000 on youtube and my husband and I agreed I could stay home after my second child instead of returning to work. I actually had etsy at that time instead of ebay, and my first year on etsy I made $7,000. I invested about $500 in materials for etsy to start my business. I changed to ebay this year following a issue with etsy over a $700 purchase they wanted to screw me out of. So now I have ebay. And I love them. Even if I dont love their fees.

When I remember how much I used to spend to live my life while working, I am really shocked at how many people still do it.

Remember the average American makes $32,000 a year, minus their $800 a year in cable. Also subtract $5,000 in childcare, or thats what I spent annually. I know people who spend  LOTS more. Minus almost $10,000 in rent or your mortgage, minus $1,200 in electric bills/year, minus $600/year in internet costs (yours could be more), minus $1,200 in phone costs (yours could be more or less, mine is ZERO because I got a kindle fire HD and had a friend hack a phone app),  minus $3,200 in heating costs/year (for me about $800/tank @ 4 tanks/year), minus apx $7,200/yr in food costs or $600/month, you have $2,800 left over at the end of the year on “extras”. Don’t even get me started on car or health insurance we are mandated to have. Or gas costs to and from work, or lunch at work or amenities. You have $2,800 a year for that, which doesn’t really cover it does it? Americans are being worked into debt.

I’m mostly writing this for the poor American’s who are stuck in their lifestyle of debt right now. Trapped in front of the telly, and on their phones, watching other people on TV become successful; working themselves to death, making their seniors rich instead of themselves. And its sad so many Americans are so mesmerized by the TV  that Fukushima is melting down and irradiating and devastating our oceans, nuclear power is still considered just fine, the police are being militarized, killing innocent people, wars rage, genetically modified food poisons you, fluoride makes it hard for you to critically think which is why everything is this bad, our government is making terrorists of its own citizens, overstepping constitutional law, taxes and mandated healthcare are financially killing Americans as corporations make laws, pollute and frack the world to devastation. Corporations and banks get bailed out while over 8 million people have lost their homes since 2007 to bankruptcy.

But it’s okay, the television says so. . .

.

According to RT: “Analysts at Experian Marketing Services published a study this week indicating that customers with high-speed internet access who have either never subscribed to cable or stopped subscribing to cable has increased by 44 percent, from 5.1 million households to 7.6 million, in a mere three years. ”

Apparently people are realizing the television is a BUNCH of lies and distractions all rolled up into one.

So it’s tax time again: when you get your refund are you going to waste it on some junk for your house, or vacation, etc, or this year are your going to set yourself up to make yourself successful? My investments have more then paid off. I get to homeschool my kids and teach them latest in science that public common core couldn’t dream of teaching her. I get to be with my kids and take care of one who isnt even mine. I feel so lucky to live my life, even if motherly duties are overwhelming, and the laundry and dishes never end.

You can struggle forever, or take a chance. The decision is up to you.

If you are interested in blogging or making a YT channel, etsy, ebay or whatever, start right now reading blogs on how to make successful blogs, or videos or have a successful store. It helped me greatly. It is more productive for your to read about how to be successful and apply it to your life then it is to watch meaningless television. When you watch someone on youtube you are most likely making them money, unless its copywritten content. My first channel is a big mix of awesome documentaries I collected from the depths of youtube, which were okay to reupload, and also consists of videos and documentaries I made myself. My second channel is all “toy stories” with my kids toys and they help me write the stories and come up with sets, etc. Kids have a GIANT demographic on YT.  More kids have access to YT via phones, etc then most people would be willing to admit.

Everyone has a life story, and youtube is an awesome community to share yours, as well as receive comfort and criticism all in one place. And whether they liked your video or not, you are still getting paid. I have learned to talk openly about my sexual abuse as a teenager, something which previously gave me great shame because my whole school knew found out when I went to rehab. I dont feel that shame anymore. I dont want people to feel bad for me, I want teens and kids who are suffering to know they are not alone, can have a good life after, and learn to love and value themselves as I have.

As I said, we all have a story, or a talent. Whether you make music, do how to vids, hair & make up tutorials, game tutorials, documentaries, vlogs, unwrapping surprise eggs, or just are seeking advice, youtube and its community have your back.

This is the New Age, it’s time to start living in it 😉

I hope this inspires you to make a change in your life if you are the average struggling American.

Love & light,

Casondra Starseed

IMGA0382

My Journey into Foster Mom at Age 25 with Three Kids! Mi Vida Loca ;)

When I had my second daughter, the complications were numerous; so the doctors kindly advised me to have my tubes tied. I had to wait 30 days and get a special waiver because I was only 23 when I had it done. I did end up regretting it only two years later, wishing someday I could have a little boy.

That same year ended up being a life changing year. In November of 2014 my husband called to tell me that my cousin needed us to take her daughter Charlotte. The state, DHHS, was placing her daughter in a temporary home and wanted to know if any family would be willing to take her. We were last on the list.

My cousin was like my sister my whole life and she and Charlotte had lived with me earlier in the year. I really loved and cared about Charlotte. This was how I got into my sticky situation with being a foster mom.

My cousin, Natasha, I try not to judge too harshly. She was taken from her mom at age 6, and her three siblings after. She was in foster care til age 8 when my grandparents took her in and she became like my sister. Her mom was literally a crack whore in California with a 10 page criminal record that went from theft, prostitution and drugs to grand theft auto. Tasha was with my grandparents til she became too rebellious of a teenager at age 14. Suffice to say, other then our grandparents she never knew or experienced good parenting or family life, and because of this, I believe it led to her adult  life as an addict and having her daughter taken away.

Natasha and I were pregnant together. when I was having #2. We found out she was pregnant when she ran away from her home and boyfriend and told us she had been doing heroin and bath salts her whole pregnancy, and actually died when she was 5 months pregnant, but was resuscitated. We gave birth 3 weeks apart. And she had a miraculously perfect healthy baby girl.

When Natasha came to live with me in January of 2014 she was fleeing Texas with her daughter and everything they could fit in a diaper bag and backpack. My mom paid her plane ticket up. She had relapsed on meth again with her boyfriend. She admitted they and their friends would do meth with their children in the room. In a moment of I dont even know what, she decided she needed to leave Texas and come home.

I had her come live with me, but her boyfriend drove up a week after and there is no way but to say it bluntly, he brought trouble with him. Within months I found out they had been doing pills and other stuff in the house and that was the end of that.

She went from I guess March to November, not working, staying at anyone who’s house would let her stay, getting kicked out eventually, and in that 8 months several DHS reports were made. I realized something was wrong with Tasha living with me because she would sit catatonic on the couch. I mean, completely ignoring her daughter. Her daughter once asked her 25 times for juice and she finally got up and got her pretzels. So feeding, diapering, and all that was coming down on me. She wouldnt put a diaper on her daughter, so her daughter was pooping all over my house at age 2. After Natasha wasnt living with me, her mother actually kicked her out for the same incident.

She was staying with her mom and her mother’s newest loser boyfriend when the event that Charlotte was taken away for happened. Natasha got drunk with her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. Apparently they got into a huge fight with Charlotte there. When Tasha came conscious, she was crying to police on the phone at a convenience store that she didnt know where her daughter was and thought she was with her mom’s boyfriend who had just beat her up.

Long story short, my cousin had a completely punched in face, blew a 1.9 BAL, her mother lied to the police on her statement and said that neither of them touched her and in her drunken stupor “must have fallen off a fence.”  The police bought it and didnt worry about whatever happened to Natasha, and basically focused on Tasha’s neglect charges. This was not the first time DHS got a report on her being intoxicated and unable to take care of Charlotte. There were a few filed earlier in the year.

She couldnt stay with her father because he was in jail. He had just been arrested the week before because while driving down I-95 at 80 mph with my niece in the car, he was driving so irradically that several people called his vehicle in for swiping guard rails, etc. The police pulled him over and ripped him out of the car, guns a-blazing, to find a man on heroin and bath salts driving with his 2 year old daughter, my niece in the back seat.

I power clean my house and make room for her crib. Charlotte was 32 months old when she came to live with us.

I finally meet with the DHS case worker the next day, who tells me that Charlotte will be here for four months. She weighed 22 pounds when I get her to my house because her mother never made her eat real food, pretty much just let her eat Popsicles and snacks. She looked incredibly skinny. We had the stand offs about eating the superfoods I incorporate into our dinners which dont come from the freezer. I stuck to my guns about “no snack unless you eat your dinner” and after a few weeks she was in the routine.

In her first few weeks I have to admit, at age 25, I had NO idea what I was getting into.

The first days I found out when I scolded my own daughter for doing something naughty, Charlotte would hide under a table. I had to work with her directly to understand she was safe, not in any trouble, and basically get her to not feel like she had to do that.

Then one day in December she randomly says two strange things: one while we are getting into the car. She says “I hope we don’t get caught.” I look at her strangely, and say “for what?” She replies she does not know., Then we get home and she says “I hope the cops don’t come get me, the cops are BAD.” My husband and I had a long conversation with her about how police aren’t bad at all, and she is not bad, and she is safe, no one is coming to get her.

January 2015, we are working on potty training the two almost 3-year-olds. It’s easier then you would imagine because they both want to do what the other is doing and if one gets a potty treat,  the other wants to pee so she can get one too. Charlotte and us are at an impasse: she will pee and pee on the potty, but will not under any circumstances poop on it. She knew when she has to go, because I try putting her on it when she starts to poop, at which point she legitimately would hold it in. She would poop in her diaper even if I asked her 1 minute before she did it if she had to poop, she would just poop and smirk at me and say she needed a new diaper. Finally at one point she fell asleep on the potty for a minute, accidentally pooped, and we gave her a poopy treat. After that she started using the potty for pooping. But I really think her stigma about pooping was from being screamed at about pooping on the floor all year (her mother’s negligence). We just started letting her know we didnt want her to poop in her diaper and that she would get a treat if she pooped on the potty. And of course we held up on our promises. She now doesnt wear any diapers.

February 2014 – At this point I want to start writing about the visits. I called this my sticky situation for a reason. Her mom’s visits are at my house. 3x a week for 3 hours each.

Now, when Charlotte is in my home she always listens to me, always is polite and sweet, and well behaved. But from the first moment her mother arrives every visit, she becomes a terror. No other way to put it. This is where I am looking for comments and advice. She becomes incredibly rude to me, wont listen to me, if I touch her she will recoil and swat me from her (which she NEVER does normally) she becomes rude to her mother and ultimately its because of her mother’s continuing neglect. Her mom, between smoking and being on her phone, really doesnt much interact or engage Charlotte, wont let Charlotte sit on her lap most of the time (which is all she wants to do), has refused to read her books (which I promptly sat down and read to all three kids), and basically because of the amount she says “NO” to Charlotte, works her up into a temper tantrum and tears every time. The first visits consisted of Tasha putting her on repeated time outs, which consisted of Charlotte going to her room and screaming, and then Tasha would go get her 10 minutes later and the process would repeat for the whole visit. My husband and I finally had to talk about how the awful visits were going. Neither of us originally wanted to step in and over parent Charlotte with her mom there, and DHS seemed to agree it should be her job. But she wasnt doing it, and that is not what a time out is like in our house.

DHS is asking me how visits are going, I explain they have been going not so well, leading up to an episode where Charlotte scared the crap out of all of us, by dropping herself flat on the floor in front of her mother and smashing her head on the floor. It looked like she was going to have a seizure, but she didnt. It is mainly negative attention. Charlotte will do anything for attention from her mother.

So by the second month I have started interjecting when Charlotte is getting out of hand  or rude. I direct the visits so that when Charlotte is told no by her mother, I give her something to do instead. I have to make sure I give her a real “time out chair” time out (following through consequences) if she is getting rude and crazy and is no longer listening to me. Charlotte clearly listens better to me because I tell her if she does something there will be a consequence and I follow through on it. If I don’t step in her mother will still send her to her room to scream at which time we have an argument over how I don’t think that’s acceptable and I really do not want to see my kids do that.

I try to talk to Tasha about this, and she gets really upset with me. Natasha tells me “there are NO parents out there who ACTUALLY  play with their kids and do stuff with them all the time.” And she gets really upset at the idea there might be. In fact, she cant handle the idea that the person telling her this is a stay at home, home schooling mom who engages, reads, plays and hangs out with her kids ALL DAY EVERY DAY. The look I was giving her said “I do, ya know….” I say this because shortly after I heard her in the bathroom crying. She MUST realize, I do actually do all that, that’s what GOOD parents do.

By the third month to nip it in the butt entirely I start having “pep talks” with Charlotte, 10 minutes before her mom gets here. “Charlotte, your mom will be here in a few minutes. I want you to be as good for her as you are for me. No being rude to her, you have to listen to both of us.” If I remind her before her mom gets here, 9 times out of ten she’s good for her mom’s visits but I still have to direct them because she doesn’t engage much.

When Charlotte came here, she had all the classic symptoms of neglect: she ate food off floors or wherever she found it. She would follow me around, she did not play with toys, food was a competitive thing for her, she would try to squeeze between me and my husband if we were being affectionate or sitting next to each other, she needed as much positive attention as we could give her, she would hang out outside my door or the bathroom  instead of playing. In fact, it became obvious no one ever played with her, she didnt know how. She was a sponge when she first got here. She watched my kids play, and repeated everything they did. She repeated every line on anything we watched, she repeated everything. After a few weeks she settled in better and started adventuring through the house of toys we have.

Right now we are working on getting her to “have her own fun.” She is constantly seeing my kids playing with anything, and it looks fun to her, and she wants it. Then she tries to take it. It doesn’t matter we have 5 minnies for minnie’s bow-tique, the one Ally has must be the best because shes having so much fun with it. She is forever saying “I want it, it’s mine” even when things are not hers. I am working with her on doing her own thing, she doesnt have to do what Ally or Emmy are doing (my girls) and she doesn’t need the toy Ally has in her hand. She gives me the death glare when I tell her this, but I know she loves me because Charlotte tells me 100 times a day she loves me and has mistakenly called me mama a handful of times. AND she’s learning she LOVES to paint! So we are making progress.

So its February 2015 and a new case worker comes to meet me. She’s a “permanency case worker” and informs us at the end of next month they will be presenting their case before the judge to take away Charlotte’s mom and dad’s parental rights over neglect and a decision will be made. She asks if we want the foster care packet to fill out to keep her here and become licensed.

…And I said yes! 🙂

So we are waiting for it to get here, and hoping everything is perfect and she can stay here.

But my relationship with Tasha is a hard one. She was my sister and my best friend my whole life, but now she probably feels like I am her enemy because I have her daughter, I parent her, take care of her, and I  have to tell DHS the truth, I refuse to lie for the sake of Charlotte’s life. I feel as though Tasha kept her like a pet almost and not even a good pet owner, and I don’t want to see her go back to that. A child deserves a parent who will read books to them, teach them to count, feed them real food and BE THERE and love them and love them enough to have a stable life for them.

My cousin is doing everything she knows how to do, she is trying but I am not the only one who thinks it will never be enough. My cousin rents a room for herself, has a job and is staying clean so far. She is just learning to take care of herself. She wants to have her daughter back but has no real idea what being a real parent entails. All she knows is she loves her and wants her back. Regardless of whether she can do the job, she wants her back. I respect parents who give their child up for adoption when they know they can’t provide for them, they are GOOD people who put their child first. Then there are people who just cant comprehend they are not parent material. I say this sincerely, how can she ever help Charlotte with homework if she wont read green eggs and ham to her? How can she get her school supplies and project supplies or lunch money when she can’t save for a birthday present? These are the conversations the caseworker, GAL and I have.

For now, filling out paperwork and getting licensed. What Tasha does with her life remains to be seen, and of course, Charlotte will be here safe and sound with us as long as everything goes according to plan.

I am sure other foster parents will read this and know just how I feel because I read it in your blogs. We care for all our children, even the ones we didnt give birth to, and it kills us to see children go back to homes we know arent going to benefit them. That is the life of a foster parent, here one minute, gone the next. And although I want to keep her safe, I know that there’s every possibility she could be given back to her mom at some point. And I have to be ready (emotionally) for that day.

Got advice? Hit me with it! I’ve been reading all the foster parent blogs out there to try to be the perfect stand in mom for Charlie (as we call her). So advice is always appreciated. Thanks 🙂 Dont forget to follow me for future posts.

Casondra Starseed